Should I phone the police?

[saturdaynightgin]

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

No I don't think I'd call the police. If she has form for being in a strop she is likely at somebody's house. Your dad shouldn't have locked her out. But even if he did would she not just knock at the door. It does sound like she probably wants to cause a bit of a drama and enjoys the attention.

I knew she’d have done that. Now she can deflect responsibility, garner sympathy and create a lot of drama (which she’ll love).
I would cut all contact permanently. She’s not going to change, is she.

If I was you DF I'd tell her to stay there and I'd be going NC with the cousin. It's unbelievable to carry on like that during this time.

Sorry didnt see your update. What annoying irresponsible behaviour from your cousin.

Shameless is exactly what cousin’s family are like - adult kids in and out of prison, lots of drug involvement, SS in the past. I’m NC with them and have been for years.

I am just speechless and can’t quite comprehend that my mother has acted like this.

Glad she's been found OP.

Sounds like she has 100% validated your earlier message about staying away from the kids as she is being so irresponsible with regards her risky behaviour. Knowingly hiding out and making you all worry as well is about as immature as it gets. I'd be re-evaluating my contact with her.

I wonder if you could report her via the lockdown measures and explain to the community officers what has happened, see if a visit from them would have any effect on how funny she finds it all...

Poor you OP. Your mum sounds like a self absorbed pathetic lady. If we all carried on like that there would be carneage.

Glad she's been found but bloody hell what a selfish woman. I hope you're ok OP.

I hope your brother has stopped blaming you now! Wow your mum is a bellend isnt she - how unbelievably cruel to do that to you

because he has form
OP said her DM didn't have form. Her DM isn't an alcoholic and we're in the middle of a pandemic so yy I'd imagine responses would be different in normal times with someone talking about an alcoholic DP - what with the circumstances being completely different But this thread isn't about your axe grinding so why not start another thread about how horrendous it is that posters take circumstances into account rather than posting cookie cutter responses. Of course, you'd need to reconsider your own cookie cutter cries of 'sexism' but you might be able to manage it.

So your dm is going to waste resources (police, calling hospitals etc). This is why the lockdown will go on longer because of idiots like this

This will have no bearing on how long it goes on for. So sick of this misinformation.

OP they are despicable. I hope your DM plans to stay at the cousin's house for the continuation of lockdown. Leave her to it and don't give in to her manipulation.

The 24 hour rule is a myth, at least in The UK, a missing person is anyone who isn't where they are supposed to be.

Unless she is vulnerable don't expect police to pull out the stops.

Good job OP.

She is safe and well. You can now ignore her attention seeking, self absorbed attitude (because it stinks). She is behaving like a petulant teenager.

Also ignore all the people blaming your Dad. Normal people lock their doors at night. Normal adults take a key when they leave the house. Your brother is a knob for putting this one on you too. X

OP said her DM didn't have form.

The post states

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home.

@TheMagiciansMewTwo the OP stated that her DM isnt an alcoholic but when she drinks doesn't stop. She also said in her very first post she has stayed out all night before and she wouldn't be surprised if her friend was covering for her. So that alone would indicate the DF is not the problem and this isn't an isolated incident.

I didn't say the DF was the only problem. I said locking her out and not bothering the next day is a sign of a bad dynamic in their relationship.
I assumed we all agreed the DM was out of order for going out getting drunk in a lockdown so didn't think I had to say that. I was referring to why OP's DB was trying to blame her which I think is tied to the relationship dynamic between the DM and DF.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this but I’d use this time and have zero to do with the mum, cousin or brother.

If I were your dad, frankly, I'd tell her to stay with her cousin after that behaviour. Deliberately 'hiding' after disappearing for binge drinking and breaking all the rules current in place to boot.

she has crossed a line, that is appalling, were the police involved?
that is not acceptable op. something needs to change from this, if not her then your attitude towards her. be strong.

OP, is your mum really struggling with her mental wellbeing because of having to stay at home? Could it be a reaction to that?

She’s behaved terribly, and your cousin is awful.

@saturdaynightgin Yep. As I suspected, she’s a selfish dick. Ignore her. And your brother. And your stupid cousin. Focus on your family and the nice ones in your immediate family. What a bunch a halfwits they must be.

Well she can stay at your cousin's house then can she. That would be my only response to it all till I had calmed down.

Step away from the family messages OP she's safe and well, enjoy your time with the kids.

Leave her to it, shs has made her own bed she can lay in it.

Sorry you got stuck with this for a Mum, you deserve much better