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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I phone the police?

222 replies

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 12:13

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

OP posts:
ThePerfectPintOfIceColdBeer · 19/04/2020 12:28

Yes do call. Does it really need to be 24 hours they're missing? I've never heard this anywhere apart from MN.

I have to say I don't understand why you didn't help her in the early hours? Locking her out all night was bound to compromise her safety, especially if she was drunk. Sorry.

CatEnabler · 19/04/2020 12:29

There was reports of a drunken or drugged lady roaming our small town last night, I wonder if it was the same lady?

Alb1 · 19/04/2020 12:30

I’d wait longer, if she’s found a friends to sleep at shel probably still be asleep and then scrabbling round for a phone charger. Plus police won’t do anything yet anyway I don’t think. Hopefully shel come home soon.

Apolloanddaphne · 19/04/2020 12:30

It would hurt to call the police to ask for advice on what to do. They will give you the timescales for when they start to take it seriously.

Etinox · 19/04/2020 12:31

Drunk woman out alone overnight and not answering calls. Definitely call the police.

Vinosaurus · 19/04/2020 12:31

The 24 hr thing is not true - you can call at any time if you're concerned about someone.

ThePerfectPintOfIceColdBeer · 19/04/2020 12:32

Her phone is probably dead. Call anyone she could realistically have gone to.

Alb1 · 19/04/2020 12:32

Actually I just checked and you don’t have to wait 24 hours or anything so maybe the police would do something now. I’d wait personally but then I don’t no your mum or the area you live in etc

SpudsAreLife84 · 19/04/2020 12:33

You will have to call OP,anything could have happened to her Sad

AdoptedBumpkin · 19/04/2020 12:34

I would call the police if you still.havent made contact.

OpticVA · 19/04/2020 12:34

It sounds worrying, I would be calling the police if I were you. Hope she turns up soon

ThePerfectPintOfIceColdBeer · 19/04/2020 12:35

I cannot believe people think it's a waste of resources to call the police, hospitals etc.

Corona aside she's still a missing person.

Ponoka7 · 19/04/2020 12:35

@AlwaysCheddar, educate yourself on what we need to achieve before we can come out of lock down, it's got nothing to do with people going out.

I don't know why people think it's acceptable to lock someone out of their home. Does your dad do that to punish her when she doesn't behave how he wants her to?

Phone round everyone and tell them that you are phoning the Police and you'll have to give out addresses. If she isn't in touch in an hour, then phone them.

I find it unbelievable that you think it's ok for a drunk woman to be left to wander the streets at night, let alone your Mother.

PleasantVille · 19/04/2020 12:36

It's a myth that you have to wait 24 hours, if you're genuinely concerned there's no harm in calling 101

Bienentrinkwasser · 19/04/2020 12:37

24 hours is nonsense. If you are concerned someone is vulnerable, you can call the police. And I would. It’s not a ‘waste of police time’. A waste of police time would be calling the police over a neighbourly dispute about bins or something. Calling the police when someone is missing and you have no idea what state they are in is completely reasonable.

Itswritteninthestars · 19/04/2020 12:39

Have you asked your Uncle if she returned there and what sort of state she was in? I would do that first.

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 19/04/2020 12:41

Call the police 😊does she have money and ID with her?

TheReluctantCountess · 19/04/2020 12:43

I’d be concerned enough to ring the police.

Stuckandsadintheupsidedown · 19/04/2020 12:43

And yes 24hr is not true. Police started looking for my mum after 3. Similar problems to you OP 're alcohol, they found my mum within 4 hours unconscious in a car park. Anything could have happened to her

AmIAStone · 19/04/2020 12:43

For all those people saying wait 12 or 24 hours, that is bollocks and dangerous advice to give. Someone can be missing 1min and you can phone if you are concerned.

CoffeeIsMyOnlyJoy · 19/04/2020 12:43

It sounds like behaving impulsively isn't unusual?

I don't think the police will take much action at this point. They might have done a welfare check, but then you know she's not at home anyway.

You can call 101 and report so you've 'done' it though, this does no harm. Don't forget to call and let them know when she returns though, lots of people forget to and this wastes police time.

HappyintheHills · 19/04/2020 12:44

If she starts drinking, can she stop?

It seems like yesterday she couldn’t. That would make her vulnerable, in which case you should call the police.

Ponoka7 · 19/04/2020 12:44

You will have to give addresses and phone numbers, so you should warn people.

TSSDNCOP · 19/04/2020 12:45

Did you post about her recently OP, calling to the kids whilst out on her walk?

I suppose if she was carrying ID and had come to harm, DF would've got a call by now.

If she wouldn't have been, a call to the non-urgent line might at least make you worry less that you've done something. Then again if your brother's so worried he could do that.

Otherwise, she's a whole grown up person.

HedgehogHotel · 19/04/2020 12:45

Your brother is a dick; he was at home. Imagine expecting you to leave your own house in the middle of the night to help her get into hers when there were people home there because she'd been drinking irresponsibly all day and couldn't be arsed to look after herself. Were you supposed to wake up your little ones to do this? Or leave them home alone?

I don't blame your dad for being angry: your mom sounds like an alcoholic with a binge drinking problem, and she's endangering anyone she comes into contact with with her behaviour. Including herself.

Let her strop somewhere. And ignore your brother.