Should I phone the police?

[saturdaynightgin]

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

I'm glad shes safe OP. Hope you, your sister and your dad are all okay.

Those debating my parents relationship are not too far wrong, but I have neither the time nor inclination to start that discussion. It’s old news.

I’ve blocked my brother and my mother, and will be thinking long and hard about how much I need them in my life. If it wasn’t for DC loving their nanna so much, it would be such an easy decision after this

You Mum is an alcoholic op, sorry. This sort of caper ought to be her rock bottom, but I bet it won't be.

Is she returning to your house? She could be putting you all at risk! I think I'd call them to make a point tbh. Shes clearly not abiding to the rules, and behaving incredibly childish. My guess would be she is at her friends in a strop.
Certainly isnt your fault, shes a grown woman and should of ensured she could return to her home instead of going out and about visiting friends and family....

"If it wasn’t for DC loving their nanna so much, it would be such an easy decision after this"

Nah-they need protecting from her & her selfish antics.

Deliberately hiding so as to worry her own daughter?

What twattery would she put them through?

Best they don't find out!

I am NC with my parents. This means my children don't see them either. It is surprising how little they mentioned them for the first few months and I couldn't tell you when they last spoke about my parents. You would be protecting your children from your mother by including them in lack of contact. You don't want them to grow up thinking that this behaviour is acceptable.

Have you considered going NC with your family? They sound awful

I would 'socially distance' myself from her permanently!

Note, several here are quoting 24 hours.

www.askthe.police.uk/content/Q259.htm

^^"There is no rule that states that you have to wait 24 hours to report a missing person. It depends on the person who is missing, their age, mental state and vulnerability.

If the missing person is a child, elderly or a person in a very depressed state then you need to alert the police straight away.

If the person is late home or late for an appointment, then it is sensible to try and contact the person or the last place they were, then wait a reasonable amount of time prior to contacting the police."

did you sister phone the policein the end what a waste of everyones time

you cousin is a twat as well

you kids dont need someone like that in their lives

Did your sister phone the police?

I almost hope so just so your mum and your cousin could have a bollocking.

She's drunk and vulnerable due to being drunk and not being able to get in the house, I'd call the police. Better safe than sorry

Read the full thread. She was hiding in OP's cousin's house and the cousin lied about it.

I doubt the police would do anything for her missing 12 hours. Normally it's at least 24 hours till the act.

From experience it doesn’t need to be 24 hours.

Dsis found her at the last place she wanted to check, so no phone call to the police was needed. Glad we didn’t waste their time, but also echo PP sentiments of wishing we had just so they could tell her straight

Appalling. Google the name of your local police force and 'covid report' and report her as the police are appealing for people to do. She might not give a shit about herself or her family but she's a risk to others and needs a wake-up call.

What a nightmare, OP, and wtf was your cousin playing at? I wouldn't blame you at all if you decided to go NC.

True op might have given her a wake up call

I'd report your irresponsible and selfish mother anyway OP - she's putting your ignorant brother and father in danger. Is she related by blood to your cousins? Is it her family? Sounds like she's regressing into old ways.

VenusTiger yes, my cousin is on my mum’s side of the family. My mum had been NC with them until a few months ago until one of my cousin’s died from and overdose. Her behaviour has deteriorated since then. Not that they’re to blame, of course, she’s a grown woman capable of making her own decisions

OP

@cultkid I always wake to the things my brain thinks are important, so for instance if my husband is away I do hear my daughter but if he is there it doesn't wake me.

I can see why it would be scary to you as it's not your normal but it is my normal. I have never slept through my babies waking and am actually so tuned to them that I usually woke a minute before they ever did, my daughter was in the cot beside our bed until she was three and my son will be three in two weeks and is still in the cot beside us so I have had plenty of years to see that it is a pattern of them starting to stir, me waking and them waking, it always amazed me how clever my sleeping brain could be.

I have no doubt that in an emergency my brain would respond accordingly but someone knocking on the door unless it was frantic wouldn't even register.