Should I phone the police?

[saturdaynightgin]

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

Our door has to be locked or anyone can walk in-did he not hear her knocking though or had had enough of it all

Do ring the police. This is something they will deal with.
Also is there any way you can use find my iPhone or google device manager to try and locate her?

@Itwasntme1

I would be wondering where my husband was if he didn't come back? I would be calling him? I wouldn't lock the door and sleep soundly. We also have a key safe. He would knock on the door and ring bell and I would hear him. He could also go to his parents house to get a key. Or phone me. If he calls me twice and my phone is on silent it will still ring (I've set it up to do that) also I can hear the door if he bangs on it? Couldn't you? Would you be able to sleep through all of that stuff? I think that makes you more vulnerable if you sleep so deeply rather then leaving a door unlocked
My front door is locked when you close it you need to use a key to come in but it doesn't need a key inside it to lock it.. don't know how to explain it. It's a traditional front door with a latch

@unfortunateevents I don't think that the op should have gone she answered within 30 mins I'm just wondering how the hell the brother and dad slept through it
It sounds deliberate of both of them and that's shitty and dangerous, obviously. Leaving someone who is drunk alone at night outside

Please call the police particularly if she is not where she may usually be

This is NOT a waste of police resources, you need to find her.

Also, ring local hospital as well.

It is significantly easier to find a missing person in the first 24 hours than it is several days later.

Why did your dad lock her out?! Why doesn't she have a key? All this has nothing to do with your brother or yourself. Perhaps suggest a key safe .

I wouldn't wait for your sister to get back, if she is injured you really shouldn't waste any time. Long shot but she doesn't have a find my phone type thing enabled?

The dad locked the door because he was going to bed. Is assume any adult leaving home in the evening would take a key with them.

Missing persons needs to be 24 - NO it doesn’t, fake news

@cultkid, this isn’t really relevant to the thread but you are describing a Yale lock. It isn’t actually properly locked though- it can be opened in a few seconds with a piece of plastic so always better to double lock/latch the door

With your mother, I would let the police know - if anything if they already had reports of someone drunk etc at night (more likely someone would report this these days) they’d be able to put two and two together. It doesn’t hurt anyway

And I think people are jumping to conclusions a bit with the father - he didn’t lock her out, he locked the door before going to bed, a perfectly reasonable thing to do when all the adults in a house have keys

I would definitely phone the police and as for your mother , I do hope hope she is found safe and sound. Ignore your brothers messages. None of it is your fault.

Some very dangerous responses on here. Especially regarding the 24 hour myth. The police will assess the risk themselves but you need to phone them. Don't hang about.

I’m shocked that she is moving around without any concern for the lockdown. Surely she shouldn’t be visiting family anyway. I do hope you manage to resolve this.

I'd call the police OP. Good luck x

I think you need to call the police too.

You have nothing to feel guilty about.

Do all of you complaining about a locked door seriously go to bed and leave the door unlocked? Our door is always locked, day time, night time, whether we are home or not. No way am I leaving our house unlocked while I am asleep.

I thought this was perfectly normal adult behaviour to be securing your house, particularly when you are asleep?

Yes but seriously everyone who goes to bed and wouldn't hear someone ringing the bell knocking / banging door
And what sicko leaves their mum outside drunk in the dark ??? The brother is nasty

I'm saying I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't know where my husband was

I didn't know someone could pick my lock. Interesting. I wouldn't lock it though because I worry about getting out in a fire
All the other doors are locked and front door you need a key to get in
I live somewhere safe I wouldn't expect anyone to come in my front door at night

My dad is hard of hearing and doesn’t wear his aids to bed, so wouldn’t have heard the door anyway.

My brother (25) is usually up until the early hours on a weekend so it’s unusual for him to not answer his phone. I think the PP who suggested he’s deflecting his guilt onto me is correct.

I’m in South Wales - I’m a member of all the local FB groups and there’s been no posts on there about a drunk woman wandering around.

DSis is going to phone the police. I’ll keep you updated

I'd ring the police.

@saturdaynightgin I'm sorry you're having to go through this stress xx

Call the police, they’re the ones who can actually make a decision on what’s best. She might be sleeping it off in one of their cells for all you know.

@cultkid but they did know where she was, she was drinking with relatives.

I am a deep sleeper, in the middle of the night I will easily sleep through my daughter calling out loudly, never when she was a baby or toddler and I never sleep through my son who is a toddler but my eldest can be super loud and my husband will be woken and not me. I would easily sleep through my phone as it always on silent unless I am expecting an important call and I would also sleep through someone knocking on the door.

It's really easy to open a lock like that @cultkid I was able to do it when I was 11, I never remembered my keys and my mum was still at work when I got home from school. My school library card was well used. You really ought to lock it, it takes seconds to get in otherwise.