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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I phone the police?

222 replies

saturdaynightgin · 19/04/2020 12:13

DM went out around 1pm yesterday afternoon to take the dog for a walk. 6pm she brought the dog home and went back out - it was clear she’d been drinking. She claimed to have been social distancing, sat in a friend’s garden and that’s where she was returning to. Around 10pm, we received a message from my uncle (dad’s brother that mum isn’t close to) to say she’d turned up at his house and they were having a drink in the garden.

Dad stayed up til midnight, but mum still hadn’t returned home so he went to bed and locked the front door. We had a message from mum at 1.30am to say she was locked out and where should she go. I replied half asleep around half hour later when I woke to see to DS that she should phone my brother, who still lives at home, to open the door for her. I had no reply to that message so assumed she’d got in and had gone to bed.

It’s now 12pm and there is no sign of DM. The usual friends she visits have said they haven’t seen her. Her phone was answered this morning around 9am, but the person on the other end didn’t speak, and since then it’s ‘not been possible to connect your call’.

She has in the past stayed out all night, but this is the latest she’s ever gone without returning home. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s asked her friend to ‘cover’ for her, but with covid-19 going on, I’m unsure as to whether he friend would. I really don’t want to waste police time, but at the same time I’m starting to worry.

So..
YABU - don’t phone the police
YANBU - phone the police.

OP posts:
Geepipe · 19/04/2020 14:01

Im glad your sister is calling the police op i hope she shows up safe and well asap.

As for posters talking about womans aid and acting like ops mom is a poor abused woman grow up. Shes an adult who made her own decisions and presumably had a key. Its not. Ops dads responsibility to check if an adult has a key. He locked the door to go to bed like normal people do. He is also hard of hearing. Even deep sleepers like me dont hear knocking or doorbells. I myself missed the police ringing the doorbell at 4am until my housemate told me the next morning.

That being said it is double standards here if ops mom was a man no one would bat an eyelid at him being locked out drunk.

And the 24 hour rule is nonsense. Its easier to find someone in the first 24 hours so it needs reporting as soon as its obvious someone is missing.

AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 19/04/2020 14:02

I'd ring the police - and ask them to talk to her and have a word when she eventually shows up

GeraniumJohnsonsBlue · 19/04/2020 14:02

Your dad may be pissed off with her but I don't think he should have locked her out - just put her in a room on her own.

A Drunken women unable to access her own home isn't acceptable.

There's clearly a lot more to this, but you need to take on board some difficult facts.

Your Mum may wish to access Women's Aid and Alcohol support charities.

Wow. Irresponsible pisshead carries on as normal during lockdown, visiting several people for hours on end and getting increasingly drunk. She has form for not coming home at night when pissed.

Her husband goes to bed and locks the door, expecting she'd have her key, and suddenly he's an abuser and the woman clearly needs WA.

Hmm

I've lost count of the number of times I've seen women told 'lock the fucker out, put the chain on the door, turn off your phone and go to bed. Let him sleep it off in the garden.'

Wired4sound · 19/04/2020 14:04

Oh op how worrying! Yes ring the police

Herpesfreesince03 · 19/04/2020 14:09

Any news op?

DontTouchTheMoustache · 19/04/2020 14:09

Your Mum may wish to access Women's Aid and Alcohol support charities.

Jesus Christ I see some overdramatic nonsense on here sometimes but this is something else. Ops dad went to bed and secured his house, his wife has a key. All of this is entirely normal and reasonable. Women who want to paint every man as an abuser do so much bloody damage trivialising actual abuse Hmm

dontdisturbmenow · 19/04/2020 14:11

This is horrible OP. I hope she is found very soon.

She will then need a harsh talking to, so selfish to put love ones in such a situation.

wineandsunshine · 19/04/2020 14:14

Hope she is ok op - could she have stayed over at the house she was drinking at?

KitchenConfidential · 19/04/2020 14:17

I hope she turns up safe, OP.

Elderflower14 · 19/04/2020 14:18

Hope she turns up soon OP....

iklboo · 19/04/2020 14:20

Hoping she's safe OP.

kissmewherethesundontshine · 19/04/2020 14:20

Hope she is found safe and well x

Fiveletters · 19/04/2020 14:22

Hope you find her safe OP

LucyAutumn · 19/04/2020 14:22

Really hope she's ok OP, how awful for you all Confused

Merrymumoftwo · 19/04/2020 14:22

Hope you get news soon. It may be she was found wandering and taken to the police station to sleep it off?

Balmytissues · 19/04/2020 14:24

What have the police said?

Northernwarrior · 19/04/2020 14:24

Hope she turns up soon op.

Balmytissues · 19/04/2020 14:25

And why is it not the two householders with whom she lives who are concerned? Pair of asshats.
It should be them ringing the police, not you or your sister.

TessTackle · 19/04/2020 14:26

Hope you get some good news soon, OP.Flowers

StayinginSummer · 19/04/2020 14:30

I don’t understand why he locked the door?

Morporkia · 19/04/2020 14:31

OP I really hope your mum is found safe and well, if a little hungover. I hope you and your family give her a good talking to and explain how worried she made you all. Also.....alcohol support charities yes, women’s aid? Seriously? Where is the evidence of abuse? Because her spouse continued with the normal bedtime routine and locked up, assuming that she had her key? Jesus get a grip! Many MANY women are at real risk during this lockdown and they are the ones who will need to access the underfunded, struggling domestic abuse charities. Advising a selfish, inconsiderate, binge drinking, non abused woman to access women’s aid is ridiculous!

justanotherneighinparadise · 19/04/2020 14:31

I would think it’s more likely someone has maybe found her phone somewhere and taken it. Perhaps it fell out of her pocket on the pavement or something. Does she password protect it? That might tell you if it was her that answered it this morning or someone else.

Redwinestillfine · 19/04/2020 14:32

I hope the police fund her safe and well ( and can maybe have a chat about appropriate social distancing)

Herpesfreesince03 · 19/04/2020 14:32

@StayinginSummer have you read the thread? It’s been stated repeatedly that he thought she had a key, he locks up to secure the house at night like every normal person does, and takes his hearing aids out for bed so wouldn’t have heard her knocking. As it is I’d have done it deliberately seeing as she wanted to go out on the piss all day and nights round her mates houses in the middle of a pandemic

Morporkia · 19/04/2020 14:33

@StayinginSummer because it was bedtime and he was going to bed and following the normal household routine of locking the door before going to bed...he naturally assumed that she had her key. Because she’s an adult and supposed to be responsible for her own actions.