To think she's being selfish?

[lockdowncockdown]

I am a third year university student trying to write a dissertation and I am living back with my mum in a small house with a tiny bedroom with not enough room for a desk and one sitting room. I feel my mum is being very selfish and inconsiderate to my needs in an already stressful situation. I am working in the sitting room the majority of the time and I am having to ask her if she could please turn the television down as I am trying to work, it is running all day and evening and half of the time she walks away but still insists she is watching it. She then stomps off at 7pm to bed as I am 'taking over the sitting room so she might as well go to bed. This morning at 9am she was blasting out music on a google speaker as I was trying to work and when I politely asked her if she could turn it down she accused me of wanting to live in a morgue like environment with no noise and if I was going to cope in the real world I need to learn to live with noise. The other day she accused me of having no conversation or social skills whatsoever as I didn't want to engage in conversation whilst concentrating on something. The final straw the other day was when I was recording an audio presentation and she walks in trying to tell me something about her lawn mower. My anxiety levels are though the roof am I being unreasonable to want her to just be a little more understanding for a couple of weeks whilst I finish my dissertation?

Stay in your room and wear headphones to block out noise.

When is your dissertation due? Can you tell her it’s only going to be a couple of weeks? Can you not work in your room with your laptop on your knees for at least some of the time? Can you set aside a certain part of the day to study- you’ve mentioned morning, afternoon and evening in your post- just do a longer stint in one time frame (perhaps the evening)?

Can you set up a schedule with her? Ask if she could give you a couple of two or three hour slots of quiet time?
This is her house, she is bored and probably hoped having you home meant doing stuff together rather than you studying all the time. Try and see if from her side, and if you give her dine attention maybe she will be more considerate.

Could you work in the kitchen (or another room if you have one)? Garden? Balcony?

I wrote my dissertations in my bedroom, sat on the bed, could never get on with a desk. Headphones re noise & you'll be fine. She's more likely to get the hint not to bother you if you have physical distance & the door is shut.

She is not being selfish it's her house. Study in your bedroom on the bed and wear headphones if you want silence

I tried the garden and I even put half of the money towards some garden furniture last week hoping it would give me some peace and she followed me out and wanted to have a conversation. I felt like I couldn't say anything as technically it's her garden too and I can't deny her the right to her garden!

My son studies in his room, he would not expect me to stop doing things so he can study. It's my home too & I pay the bills.

You need to study in your room.

I find working on a bed uncomfortable and it hurts my back to be hunched over. I guess that's what I will have to do I just hoped she would just be understanding for a couple of weeks.

You can't take over the communal area and make it your study without the agreement of everyone in the house. Work in your bedroom and come out to the sitting room when you are having breaks.

Who's house is it and who pays the bills?

Can you tilt your bed up on its side during the day and put in a small table and chair?

Both mine study in their rooms, they have desks ,

I study in the kitchen and have to get used to the constant sound of people in and out the kitchen , the cupboards opening, them chatting. Sometimes I study in dd’s room while she watches a movie down stairs.

It’s your mums house you can’t dictate to her!

Try sitting on the floor with the bed behind you to support your back, and with your computer on your knee, or build it up with books if you need more height.

I wrote my dissertation on my bed... and I was a mature student with DC already, so it’s my house...

I think your mum is being inconsiderate
I’m wondering if she completed a degree and understands exactly how much hard work is involved in writing up a dissertation?

Study in your room.
See if you can get some kind of set up that works for you - you can get desk things that pull over your bed.

Honestly, I don't really think its her thats being selfish here - you can't take over the communal area all day every day (especially during a lockdown where your Mum can't even leave the house) so you can study.
It's annoying, but thats what you get when you share a house.

I think you are the one being selfish. Why should your mum be tiptoeing around the whole time just because you don’t want to work in your bedroom. You have a bedroom, you need to find a way to work in there. Or invest in some noise cancelling headphones / earplugs.

Sounds tough but it is her house. Why have you gone back home at such an important time for your studies? Can you go back to your student accommodation? Apologies if I have misunderstood but your OP says you are living BACK with your mum so it sounds like you were staying somewhere else before.

You could buy a foldable table and sit on your bed.

Hi, I have a bad back so need to keep moving to different positions to work and I got this so I could sit on my bed and work, makes more comfortable. Bramley Power Medium Size Adjustable Portable Folding Standing Laptop Desk, Bed Table, Sofa Breakfast Tray, Notebook Stand Reading/Book Holder (Standard, Medium Oak) https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07NGSZ2KX/ref=cmswwrcppapiii_jDbNEbWH6FAFD
Hope you get your dissertation finished

Go to your room. And no, I’m not your mum, just fed up of your shite from here...🤣

I think you need to buy some headphones (noise cancelling if possible) and find some way of working in your room - perhaps a folding desk?

OP i can't believe some of the responses you're getting on here. This is your dissertation, the culmination of 3 years of study, and you're trying to complete it in stressful, unprecedented circumstances. Your mum should be much more understanding of your needs. It's not unreasonable to want to work in the one room in the house with a table/chairs, and it's not as if either of you planned for this to be the situation.

However, have you talked to your mum about how important this is, and what your deadline is, so that she knows how long it will go on for? I second the suggestion to agree a study schedule with your mum (your focus and productivity will go up if you work in short bursts rather than hours at a time). Maybe include tea breaks and lunch breaks where you help her in the garden/have a natter - it'll be good for you to have the mental break from the dissertation for 15-20 mins at a time, and will fulfill her apparent need for you to be social and "contributing" while you stay with her.

If she's still being difficult, maybe you should think about swapping your own schedule around - work late into the night after she's in bed, have a nap then get up before she's awake for a couple of hours to edit/refine what you've written the night before, then sleep in the day. Not ideal but needs must!

Good luck, you're almost there.

I can't believe people are saying your mum is in the right! Jeez. It's her house is it? Big deal, my house belongs to dh & I but it's everyone's home, we don't get to behave inconsiderately just because we pay the mortgage!

My dd is home early from uni, I've set up a small desk in my room for her, as her own room is too small. She has a big essay to finish and myself, dh and ds are mindful of this. We wouldn't dream of distracting her, playing loud music etc

We can make a racket when she's not working because well, we're a family, we love and support one another. Why we would behave in a way that would make life harder for her?
Op I really feel for you