To think she's being selfish?

[lockdowncockdown]

I am a third year university student trying to write a dissertation and I am living back with my mum in a small house with a tiny bedroom with not enough room for a desk and one sitting room. I feel my mum is being very selfish and inconsiderate to my needs in an already stressful situation. I am working in the sitting room the majority of the time and I am having to ask her if she could please turn the television down as I am trying to work, it is running all day and evening and half of the time she walks away but still insists she is watching it. She then stomps off at 7pm to bed as I am 'taking over the sitting room so she might as well go to bed. This morning at 9am she was blasting out music on a google speaker as I was trying to work and when I politely asked her if she could turn it down she accused me of wanting to live in a morgue like environment with no noise and if I was going to cope in the real world I need to learn to live with noise. The other day she accused me of having no conversation or social skills whatsoever as I didn't want to engage in conversation whilst concentrating on something. The final straw the other day was when I was recording an audio presentation and she walks in trying to tell me something about her lawn mower. My anxiety levels are though the roof am I being unreasonable to want her to just be a little more understanding for a couple of weeks whilst I finish my dissertation?

There's bloody Whitney Houston coming though the walls now. I can't cope with this I feel like I'm going to crack soon

Go for a walk to calm down and then put some earphones in listen to your own music and crack on.

As pp said what about an over bed table, such as you'd get in hospital?

I use an old bit of wood - the top of an old side table to found at the tip and balance it on a pillow on my legs then work on my laptop on that so I can have a straight back. Get up every 45 mins and jog round the house/do a lap of the garden/get a drink. Start early - 5am if you can. Try and carve out some slots for your mum so maybe you work 5-9 and get 3 hours done then have an hour off and make mum breakfast and serve it in the garden. Restart at 10 and work till 1pm when your mum can do lunch for you both. restart at 2pm and work thru till 7pm then stop, cook with your mum and watch a film together or chat.
You'll be getting 9hrs a day done and spending time with your mum. It sounds to me like she is bored and irritable and wants some attention. I started a thread about how irritating my lovely family are last night and I feel your mum could probably relate!
Be kind to each other and try and give her some time.

Expecting your mother to sit there all day every day with no tv and no conversation because it’s uncomfy for you to work in your bedroom.is really unacceptable.

You need to find a compromise, some time in your room, some time in the living room, but not expect to spend all day every day with your mother living in silence during lock down.

I’m with the others, it’s you who is selfish.

You need to get a little desk so you can sit on your bed like a chair and work that way. Plus noise cancelling headphones and you should be ok.

It may be her house but she is being quite rude tbh. Doesn't she want you to do well? Although you can t really get mad at her for talking to you.

Could you get a kind of wheeled side desk to slot over the bed?

https://m.aliexpress.com/item/4000314693939.html?src=google&randllcurrency=GBP&randllshipto=GB&src=google&albch=apprmkt&albagn=182499396&albcp=6807923514&albag=83706727670&albad=389288882832&affshorttkey=irey5Th&isdl=y&affplatform=true&albslr=%7B%7D&gclid=CjwKCAjw7ee0BRB7EiwAlH-goMSHyUu-hsP6utPKrci4G8AV7nRCXXFugIe8Er1hjXDrXIXSu0VF5hoCMeYQAvD_BwE

I find many of the responses on here beyond bizarre - "it's your mum's house and she can do what she likes..." Seriously? We have two final year daughters home from uni and I'd do anything to help them through these few weeks. Their degrees are at stake here, and no way would I blast out music or TV while they're trying to study. Your mum is seriously selfish, but I don't know what to suggest for you.

BTW I got RSI some years ago from working on a laptop on a bed.

She's lonely and bored. Talk to her calmly and set aside time to be together. Plus small house, nowhere to go and nothing to do, she's going to go stir crazy and you're going to argue. Use noise cancelling headphones.

Thats very difficult for you OP.

Hard to believe that your mum doesn't get the importance of these few weeks.

Can you sit down with her and make a schedule with her, when there will not be any noise.

I suggest you be flexible and be prepared to get up very early for example a d get a head start.

Best of luck, you are nearly there

I can’t believe these responses either. I’m sorry she is being so unsupportive at such a stressful time for you.
I agree that you should let her know it’s not much longer, and set up a timetable of when to work so you both get a bit of what you need.

Everyone has to compromise at the moment. I would be mortified to act this way towards my child and I think you’re being very mature in asking for help.

As an after thought- have you considered working early in the morning or late at night when she’s not around? You should take time for breaks and rest too for your own sanity. And perhaps set a few dates like a movie night and meal times where you can talk and socialise with her and hopefully satisfy that need that is otherwise causing her to be so provocative and goady.

She's being totally inconsiderate. I think you will just have to take it to your room though. Any chance of building a standing desk or a floor desk using available furniture?

OP I really can’t believe people are calling you selfish. My dd is back home too, and is writing up her dissertation,
From my viewpoint, her need to have the best environment, given these weird current circumstances trump every thing else.
It does help that I’m also working from home, and am flat out, so we work in silence together at the kitchen table, even though I’d prefer to have the radio on.

You need noise cancelling headphones she is never going to see your point of view

I write in my bed (it's my job). I have a triangular support pillow behind my back and I can write for hours on my laptop on my knees. If it's only for a couple of weeks you should be fine to do this. Wear headphones if your mum makes noise (it's how I got through when my kids were younger and at home).

But she pays the bills and it sounds as though she's lonely and worried too. Maybe a good talk would help?

But yes, work in your bed.

Get noise cancelling headphones.

I think the mum's doing nothing wrong, it's her house and OP obviously hasn't been living there all this time, why should her mum have to tiptoe around in her own house? It's not like she can go out is it? Use your room to study, tell your mum you're having breaks at set times and maybe you could spend those breaks with her

This sounds like the kind of things my mum would do! She is way too used to living on her own and doing what she wants. Literally she has no grasp of compromise, she appears to think it’s her getting what she wants. I can see why you don’t normally live at home. For example if l might be visiting, then at 6am she would launch herself into the bedroom l sleeping in. To retrieve some random item she could wait for but doesn’t want to. I’m confused by people saying you should do it in your room, fine if you have a desk / table or you will get back pain from doing it on a bed for hours

How about something like this

iwantzone.com/products/portable-adjustable-laptop-stand?variant=5103162130459&currency=GBP&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=google+shopping&gclid=CjwKCAjw7e_0BRB7EiwAlH-goCrfTsUFyimdgagk_wgA7zGZm79KYLhcsQYtL_IoASIy9s96Wyft1hoCuO0QAvD_BwE

You both need to compromise, it’s not fair to expect your mum to spend, what most people are finding, a stressful time tiptoeing round you but she also needs to appreciate you’re working to a deadline and need to concentrate.

Maybe agree to sit and eat meals together and make the effort to interact with her then so she doesn’t feel the need to seek you out during the day and agree actual times for you to be able to use shared spaces without distractions.

I do think you need to make use of your own space and get some noise cancelling headphones and a lap tray or something to lean on. It isn’t ideal but you need to do it. It would also be worth considering how you can best utilise your time. I feel that if you’re struggling to work during the day that maybe you need to consider pulling night shifts. It’s not an outrageous concept to work during the night and sleep during the day (with ear plugs) short term.

@littlejalapeno exactly, her mum sounds immature and selfish. It’s only for a few weeks

I don't think you're being selfish. Maybe you could take breaks between the assignment to spend time with your mother?

I think the mum's doing nothing wrong, it's her house and OP obviously hasn't been living there all this time, why should her mum have to tiptoe around in her own house

I'd like to think it is because she loves her daughter and wants her to do well - even if it does involve a little bit of sacrifice, like, you know, turning the TV down and off when she is not actually wanting it.

Fuck. I'd so this for a housemate who I didn't push out of my own twat.

I feel your pain, I need quiet to work too. If you are like that, you're like that, you can't just adapt to working effectively with noise - certainly not under the pressure of a deadline.
So, I'd suggest noise cancelling headphones if you have the cash. They are really good - I can't cope without them.
Also, I agree with those suggesting to alter your timetable. I'd be aiming to work through as much of the night as possible (or whenever your mum sleeps). Take control; all the time you remain in victim mode you'll feel more and more stressed and unable to cope. I don't mean that as a criticism, I mean it constructively by the way! A change of midset will help you, be the adult here, put in place some of these suggestions. You can do this!

People going on about getting noise cancelling headphones are also missing the point to a certain extent, to me it reads more like your mum doesn’t ‘get it’ and is annoyed that you are not available at the moment to be a companion.