To think she's being selfish?

[lockdowncockdown]

I am a third year university student trying to write a dissertation and I am living back with my mum in a small house with a tiny bedroom with not enough room for a desk and one sitting room. I feel my mum is being very selfish and inconsiderate to my needs in an already stressful situation. I am working in the sitting room the majority of the time and I am having to ask her if she could please turn the television down as I am trying to work, it is running all day and evening and half of the time she walks away but still insists she is watching it. She then stomps off at 7pm to bed as I am 'taking over the sitting room so she might as well go to bed. This morning at 9am she was blasting out music on a google speaker as I was trying to work and when I politely asked her if she could turn it down she accused me of wanting to live in a morgue like environment with no noise and if I was going to cope in the real world I need to learn to live with noise. The other day she accused me of having no conversation or social skills whatsoever as I didn't want to engage in conversation whilst concentrating on something. The final straw the other day was when I was recording an audio presentation and she walks in trying to tell me something about her lawn mower. My anxiety levels are though the roof am I being unreasonable to want her to just be a little more understanding for a couple of weeks whilst I finish my dissertation?

How long are you spending each day on your bloody dissertation? Your poor mum feeling like she can't even enjoy her own home!

Do you not have a table in the kitchen you can sit at?

Or just put headphones in and get on with it!

Sorry OP but you sound incredibly entitled!

And yes I've got a degree and write my dissertation on my laptop in various rooms around my parents house. I managed, so do most!

Am currently working full time from home with a 2 and 4 year old so I'm afraid I'm lacking in sympathy.

Sorry the thread turned to shit, OP. Usual contingent I suspect. I'm glad things were quieter yesterday and you got some work done.

I'm WFH and I can only do it with a desk, chair, monitor, mouse etc whereas my DH can work from his bed or the dining room.

In your situation I would try and turn my room into a study if possible, even if that meant moving the bed out and moving a desk in. I know that may not be feasible if there's nowhere for the bed to go, but that would be my main aim.

Actually sorry OP I was very grumpy having been up with the kids at 5 having been catching up on work until midnight. hopefully you and your mum have sorted a compromise, I can remember how stressful it was and it must be hell during these times!

Good luck, you got this and can hopefully spend some quality tint with your mum soon.

Op, where do you live when you are at uni? Are you still paying for that accommodation? can you move back and stay there for the time being?

May be better than getting into a life long rift if you do not well because your mum was so distracting. Try studying at night for a couple of weeks but do not risk it longer than that, start trying to find an alternative place to stay.

Work through the night when its quiet. And then spend time with her for a few hours during day and then sleep.

You chose to move back to Mum's

I don't believe the OP has said she chose this situation. My two daughters were sent home from uni - halls have closed, libraries have closed, they were both required to leave. They came back, not to my and DH's house but to their family home.

Frankly, many of you sound like horrendous parents.

A reasonable and supportive parent would be sensitive to their offspring's needs and adapt accordingly. Your mother is at best not thinking, at worse a terrible parent. Sorry.

Mumsnet is so weird. People agonizing over conception, birth techniques, organic baby clothes, when to wean, tear themselves apart over breastfeeding. Then it’s the school choice, moving house for the right address, should I get a tutor, should I do this or that, right up to GCSE and A Levels then bam, it seems the child you treated like your life’s work raising is now an ADULT who you have nothing to do with anymore ?!

There is so little nuance on this thread! Either the OP or her mum are absolutely awful people. Or- they’re both struggling, like so many people at the moment, and both need to work on their communication skills to adapt to living together. Ok the mum is the parent, but the OP is presumably at least 20, an adult- not a helpless child struggling with a “terrible parent”. She can work on resolving the issue with her mum and hopefully is intelligent and reasonable enough to recognise that both parties need give and take in this situation. Again, good luck to you OP hope your dissertation goes well.

You have a table in the kitchen sit there, why are you commandeering the sitting room?
The rabbit thing is pathetic, you could have done it after your interview.
You sound like an entitled brat, try and have an adult conversation instead of rallying up your DMs slights against you.

All the people who say her house her rules I would hate to he a child growing up like that . An important time with years of studying come down to this final bit and you can't support for a few weeks makes me wonder how much support they get through life .

I think your mum is being very unpleasant here. You only need a little peace and quiet for a few weeks while you are doing something really important. I guess it's "her house" and she has a "right" to do as she pleases, but she brought you into the world and it's a bit sad and crappy that she isn't more interested in helping you succeed in it. Family relations should be about caring, not about rights. I always think it's unkind when people talk like their children are a burden they should be free of on their 18th birthday.

You won't be able to magically make your mum a nicer person, though, so I think you will have to find a workaround using the only space she won't be bothering you in, which is your room.

I share your discomfort sitting on a bed all day. I know a lot of people are happy doing that, but I get backache from it to. But I'm thinking a small folding table might fit in there, especially as someone else said, if you can turn your bed on its side during the day. Lots of small folding tables on Amazon in the £20-£40 range, just big enough for a laptop. Or try posting on Nextdoor or similar and ask if anyone has a small folding table you could borrow. Headphones or earplugs to block out her noise will help too.

Good luck, OP, and hang in there! Good for you for trying to do your best work under difficult circumstances. I'm sure you will be successful!

@JKScot4

The rabbit thing is pathetic, you could have done it after your interview.

So OP is taking care of the rabbits even though she has moved out and she is somehow pathetic? If OP wasn't there then her mum would have to feed and take care of them.

Also, the rabbit is likely used to being fed at a certain time, leaving it to wait potentially up to 2 hours for food is cruel.

I am writing my PhD thesis at the moment with a house full of people. It is incredibly annoying and selfish when people don't respect your need for peace and quiet.

OTOH you really can't expect people to stay out of shared space and keep quiet in communal areas.You will have to study in your bedroom. Find a way to make it comfortable and then insist she does not make a noise around your room or disturb you there.

@Chillicheese123 People agonizing over conception, birth techniques, organic baby clothes, when to wean, tear themselves apart over breastfeeding. Then it’s the school choice, moving house for the right address, should I get a tutor, should I do this or that, right up to GCSE and A Levels then bam, it seems the child you treated like your life’s work raising is now an ADULT who you have nothing to do with anymore ?!

You do understand that many parents do not treat parenting like that, don't you? My mother certainly never did, and neither did my father who left when I was younger, taking my siblings, but leaving me (and one other sibling - both his) behind, and then "giving up" the fight to see us.

I don't think my mother moved houses for us once, it was always what was bets for her, same with schools, whichever was closer and whichever we could ourselves to.

Then they go on (or my mother did with me) to completely ruin the parent/child relationship, so the child, as an adult wants nothing more to do with them (30yrs almost, here).

Most people don't know what it's like to have toxic parents.

whichever we could get ourselves to.

My room was tiny, too, but my sisters were 10 years younger so no quiet space in the house. In the olden days before laptops I used to kneel on the floor and lean over the bed as a desk, with an old board game for support beneath the paper. Better for your back. Probably not as comfortable with a laptop, though, and the bed has to be quite high.

You are selfish. It’s not fair to take over a communal area and insists on rules that only benefit you

Is it OP’s rabbit or her Mum’s?