To go against DH and retrain just because I want to?

[Trapordo]

In short, I'm sick of my rubbish admin based job and want to be a nurse (with a view to becoming a prescribing practitioner).

H says no. It is a lot of financial sacrifice. Most importantly though, it means we couldn't continue to save for a house.

He says I'm really unreasonable and a bit selfish. Because we need the security of a house.

I admit it is a but of a mad thing to come out with. But just think if I don't do it now I never will

AIBU?

How many years away from buying a house are you?

And how old are you? Do you have kids? Hard to judge it based on the info in your OP.

Is it something you can train for part time? Do you have children? How long have you been saving?

And are you expecting him to support you financially while you retrain?

You stand to bring in a higher income if you retrain and you also stand to be happier in your chosen, more rewarding career.
You're not stopping things, you're delaying them.

Can't you do that after you've bought a house?

"H says no"

Does he now?

Its terrible that there isn't more support to retrain as a nurse! Is there a way you can do both and get a job in healthcare? You'd pick up valuable skills to get on a nursing course when you've bought your house. He shouldn't stop you trying, it'll be better for you all in the long run although it's a challenging career with different shifts and emotionally too. It could be the decision is out of your hands a little, a friend wanted to train and had good experience but couldn't get on a nursing course without working in a hospital first (he'd worked in care homes)

Your DH has a point. Would you be expecting him to pay all bills and living expenses while you do this?

You're missing out a lot of relevant information. Your ages, do you have children, how close to buying a house are you? A friend qualified as a midwife last year, has two small children and a very supportive husband yet she still found it incredibly difficult (especially the night shifts). And she doesn't actually have a job now at the end of it.

Maybe wait it bit. After this pandemic is over the government might well be under pressure to being back burseries

I agree with him, the decision should be a joint one if your income will drop and you need to finance studies etc.

If it’s just you two and you could still meet your half of all bills and saving towards the house goal then that’s fair enough. If there are children, you can’t meet half, the house has to go etc then I’m with him. The time to study was pre commitments rather than have someone else have to pick up the financial slack and lose what they want.

How long have you been planning to retrain? I wouldn't be happy to make big sacrifices for a whim either. If its sensible, and planned for then fine. But to think "now or never" isnt fair either. Theres always next year.

It feels a little like you set your OP up to paint him to be the bad guy.

I don't know much about the intensity of nurse training. How long is it? Could you work as a care assistant whilst training? Are there any bursaries?

The hospital I work it offer a nursing apprenticeship programme. You start as a band 2 hca and with the hospitals help (providing the training and the financial help to do it) you qualify as a band 4 and they will also support you if you want to go on to a be a band 5 staff nurse. So there is an alternative to going to university full time. It might be a longer process but you earn while you learn if you like.

Sorry! Should've added -
I'm in my early twenties. DH late twenties.

We have a DC who's entitled to free hours come September, and that wouldve helped massively with savings, but that won't happen if a retrain

Been saving 6 months

DH has some fair points if you both had plans to save for a house, and you’re only just telling him you want to stop saving so you can retrain, and you want him to become the sole provider for the family - it would be a lot of pressure on him, and would definitely need to be a joint decision for him to be the only one bringing in any money.

Could you buy a house, then go into training? Or train part time to take the pressure off DH?

When retraining had a financial impact on the family and you're expecting a partner to carry the burden, then you need to take that on board.

I'm currently training for another career, but I do it while still working and it hasn't impacted on the bills I pay.

YANBU! I'm going to do this too. I want to be a midwife and I know my family are going to hit the roof when they find out.

What's the salary of a nurse compared to admin over the course of your lifetime. I'm a nurse and have for the last 30 years earned between 35 and now nearly 50k a year. Considerably more than you would as an administrator. Maybe?

You have the next 20 years to train if you want to. I’m with your DH - get your house first.

You can't train part time, no. And sadly a nursing apprenticeship isn't an option. They don't exist locally

Have you looked into what financial support...like grants you could get.

Seeing your last post, I must say if you were my DD I'd want you to retrain and have a better career..especially as you're quite young. It gives you independence and a nursing is useful worldwide.

You being in a better job, would benefit the family in the long run. Its also better to learn the younger you are where possible.

Would he be financially responsible while you retrained? Does he work in a job that would allow him to do all the childcare outside of nursery hours when you are on placements? It’s really hard to judge for someone else, but I think it needs to be a joint decision, maybe he just needs more time to see if you are serious, have you already applied?

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