To go against DH and retrain just because I want to?

[Trapordo]

In short, I'm sick of my rubbish admin based job and want to be a nurse (with a view to becoming a prescribing practitioner).

H says no. It is a lot of financial sacrifice. Most importantly though, it means we couldn't continue to save for a house.

He says I'm really unreasonable and a bit selfish. Because we need the security of a house.

I admit it is a but of a mad thing to come out with. But just think if I don't do it now I never will

AIBU?

Girl go for it. 3 years goes by very quickly. You’re still young and have time to save up for a house once you’ve graduated. There are some grants for nursing courses, and whilst it will be difficult, nothing worth having is easy. Your dp will respect you if you stand your ground.

I think you should go for it, however given the economic uncertainty that will likely hit following Coronavirus, I don't think you should consider giving up your job over the next 12 months.

Could you come to an agreement with your husband that you will work for another 12 months, add to the savings and THEN you will be training in nursing?

100% with your DH on this one. House first then retrain.

I would be working out if you can (both) do some extra hours to speed up the process.

You can't train part time, no. And sadly a nursing apprenticeship isn't an option. They don't exist locally

Apprenticeships are not always advertised, but often hospitals recruit HCA's.

Can you try and get some work experience on a ward to make sure this is what you want to do?

Have you looked at Student Finance + bursaries to see if your income will drop to an unmanageable amount?

Surely there is value to your happiness?

@Trapordo why do you want to be a nurse?

What is missing from your current role, that you will get from nursing?

You say your current role is boring - if the problem you're trying to solve is "my job is boring", then the solution "I will train to be a nurse" doesn't really fit with that.

Nursing is drudge work, poorly paid, usually in shifts, potentially lots of abuse, stressful, to a largely ungrateful clientele with colleagues who are often at the end of their tethers. It is a vocation. Not something you train up for because your current job is "boring".

Is there something in you driving you towards nursing? Could you explain? Because if you are a parent earning 16k a year for 2 days work, IMO you have your arse in the butter and ABU, I am on DH side tbh.

Do the training. At your age it is a short term financial sacrifice which will result in better pay for years and years.

I think you need to work out how long it will take you to save what you need.

Including your access course you're looking at 4 years until qualified (should everything go smoothly).

I’d leave it for a few years. Wait until you’ve got your house , and your dc is a bit older. Most importantly, you will need the support of your DH. However hard you think being a student nurse is, triple it. Long shifts, unsociable hours, exhaustion ( physical , mental and emotional ), academic essays , exams and so on. You’ve got plenty of time.

I get why your dh doesn’t want you to Jack it all in. YANBU to want to. Is there a compromise to be reached? Can you do your access course and still work or get a part time job as an HCA and fit it around your current job?

I think you should retrain if you want to but maybe not in the next year or two? How about saving for a house /flat first and waiting til your dc is in school and there's a bit more money spare.

If your dh is saying no to retraining ever, then I think he is being totally unreasonable but discussing timing is fine.

I know that they have brought back bursaries, so you can apply for a bursary for September 2020, onwards. I’m 47 and it’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, but never did, due to financial commitments, mortgage, bills etc.
So, I’d say go for it. There’s never a right time.

The informed PP who explained how challenging this decision is going to be for you and your family hit the nail on the head. If you were single and / or financially independent this would your decision alone. But you’re not. You need his input and his support, be that financially, emotionally or practically.

This desire raises problems and risks for your family’s stability. You are not providing mitigation’s or solutions for any of this in your posts. And to be honest you aren’t getting any solutions on here. This is your thing. You need to come up with the solutions that enable you to do this. You can’t just expect him to give up his security whilst subsidising you. I am not sure why many think you are entitled to this expectation either.

I see what he means. If you didn't have a child I'd say go for it. But you have childcare costs and a house deposit that will get swallowed up by renting.

You can just go ahead without getting him on your side

I think that would be a terrible idea. The OP can’t just decide that her husband is going to fund her through a degree course when he doesn’t want to.

There is never a right time

There may never be a perfect time but there are certainly right times. And wrong ones.

Depends how old you are really, I retrained from nurse to another allied profession at 45, went to uni for 3 years, had a mortgage and unemployed husband and worked every holiday in care homes to get by. It was really hard but now I have a job I can do until I'm 67 that isn't so back breaking and 9-5 weekend off shifts so I can have a social life and I love it.
I'd prefer the security of a house personally and then go off and do it.

I haven’t read the thread but get a job as a nursing assistant and train up that way. You’ll be in paid employment and have your training paid for up to a point. It is the NHS way of bypassing the bursary nightmare.
Do a google.

Retrain now. You are young, houses aren't going anywhere. Do not sacrifice your future for someone else's financial stability.

This.

You’re young. Train now. House later.

Haven't read the full thread, so not sure if this has been mentioned. Look into become a Nurse Associate. It's a paid (band 3) 2 year apprenticeship at the end of which you can top up at university to become a fully qualified nurse. The top up is 18 months. Saves you a bit of money, top up doesn't have to be immediately. Once qualified you can work as a NA at band 4 for a few years until you're in a better position financially to become a nurse. If you wanted to at that stage. The trust I work for has just taken on a bunch of TNAs, 1/3 of whom have no previous care experience too.

You are very young. There is plenty of time to retrain.

I would look at financing available. My brother is starting a nursing course this year (retraining) and the course is covered by student loans despite already having a degree , with a bursery and partially funded childcare.

’There is plenty of time to retrain.’

It only gets harder. Mortgages, more DC, divorce etc.

It only gets harder. Mortgages, more DC, divorce etc

Yup, and she's already got a husband who thinks his desire for a house outweighs her desire to retrain in her early 20s. He'll only be too pleased to find further reasons later on.

Honestly OP I just think the timings off for you at the moment.
It doesn't need to be a pipe dream but I do think you should hold off for a few years before you do start to retrain; you're v. young so time isn't an obstacle for you yet.

Whilst your job is boring you, you earn very good money for two days a week! Make the most of that for now, save up as much as you possibly can and look to buying a house - that's so important to do while you can.
Once you've got your foot on the ladder, DC will be a bit older and going to school Monday - Friday so that makes childcare a little bit easier (no extortionate nursery fees, routine stability..)

How is DH normally? Supportive? Caring? Understanding?
If the answer to those is yes, I wouldn't resent him for this - it makes good sense really. Just hold off until you've got the house and go from there.