To go against DH and retrain just because I want to?

[Trapordo]

In short, I'm sick of my rubbish admin based job and want to be a nurse (with a view to becoming a prescribing practitioner).

H says no. It is a lot of financial sacrifice. Most importantly though, it means we couldn't continue to save for a house.

He says I'm really unreasonable and a bit selfish. Because we need the security of a house.

I admit it is a but of a mad thing to come out with. But just think if I don't do it now I never will

AIBU?

Can you even reasonably survive on his wage alone whilst paying for childcare op?

You've only been saving 6 months. I'd do it now...then save. Otherwise....well, have you worked out how long saving will take?

Are their still housing schemes that help keep workers? My friend bought years ago on shared equity with the gov because she was a key worker.

So their might be a way to have both

Have you come out with ideas like this before at all, OP?

Because I'd be wary if someone who had a history of proposing drastic changes suddenly came out with this - especially if they never saw it through or got half-way and gave up!

I take it you are not on board with saving for a house? If that's the issue then you need to discuss why you don't want to continue saving, but it is unreasonable to expect financial support from someone that's not on board with the idea (either you giving up work, or the joint saving for a house actually).

Well it's your life so your decision. Would have been easier to do it before children though.

How much do u earn as admin? If its similar to nmw you could get a job as a hca or care worker and as long as you are working regularly with nurses you can do nursing with the OU while working full time.

Difficult but you will go down to 1 wage it will be a good few years for degree then training getting a job what if you want another child that would add time .
It will be years before you are in a position to save . Possibly never getting on the housing ladder.
Feel your pain been stuck in same shit job ( shouldn't complain ok pay and secure) but had to give up and dreams of different career due to supporting household .

I would think carefully. Nhs work can be exhausting and takes a specific type of personality. Please do work as hca first to see if it is really what you would like to do. There may be other ways to up-skill that would be better paid, less stressful and more normal hours.

Nurses are wonderful and do a fantastic job. However I think they are not well paid for the stress they get. With the right personality, skills and luck in getting a good team to work in - it can be great, but it can also be v tough. I knew someone who retrained as a nurse, but eventually returned to prev job in IT

Also, do consider that if you are only working two days a week at the moment, if you train to be a nurse you will be apart from your child for much more of the time. I trained at a similar age to you but didn’t have a child. Also, bear in mind that as well as your placements you’ll also have a lot of study. I have a child now and honestly I don’t think I could have done the training whilst being a mother.

I would honestly suggest can you up your hours at work currently or when the free hours kick in? Then you could contribute much more to savings before studying. Given your salary your nurse career won’t pay more than that for a good while if ever, so it’s not an investment financially. It’s just because you want to - while that’s valid, if the post said my dh wants to start his own business, will go into debt to pay for it and maybe in 10 years will earn the same as he earns now. We have a dc and were planning on saving for a house but he’s tossed it out the window. Everyone would say that’s completely unacceptable. I do think it’s not the right move for your family immediately. Find some small things that make you happy, save as much as you can to show you’re contributing financially to it, and look into it more.

There are various routes into nursing, e.g apprentice / A levels - degree / Access course - degree. All different time taken and financial implications. Have you looked into it and which route do you think is best for you? You know the nursing bursaries have been brought back in? They are quite generous.

Is your Dh's job secure? I'm not sure I'd be making any decisions that would affect your finances over the next year. The economic impact of the pandemic plus Brexit will mean there will be probably be a prolonged period of economic downturn. The government may bring back nursing bursaries ( and so they bloody should). I would wait a while until we see how this pans out. If you're only early 20s you can afford to wait a year or two.

Could you get a job as a healthcare assistant and then be seconded to train? (Not entirely sure if they still do this tbh, but if they do, you would still get paid as a HCA while doing it? )

Sorry, I don’t have time to read the whole thread, but it used to be the case that you could work as a HCA, and have them fund you to study part time with the Open University. Would that be an option for you?

Just found this - obviously announced before the Coronavirus crisis, but still worth a read:

www.gov.uk/government/news/nursing-students-to-receive-5-000-payment-a-year

I don’t see why not Op. don’t live your life always wondering what if! I’m going back to uni to become a paramedic in 1.5 years

You have to find a compromise as both of your points are valid. He is thinking of the finances whereas you are thinking quality of life.

First, is your career choice sensible, perhaps discuss that generally nurses will have higher job security, pension and good benefits such as mat leave and sickness leave, also opportunity to earn in the private sector and ability to emigrate.

If he is on board with the job then you need to discuss timing. He has a valid point, securing a house is important but it depends how far away that goal is.

Approach this from his thought process and hopefully he will approach this from your thought process and you will find a solution.

Why retrain though? You can progress in admin e.g. office manager, project manager, PA, accountancy etc.

What experience do you have of nursing, shift work, care work? You might not even like it..

You have more options than you think, that don't require such a huge financial and personal impact. Or shift work.

Hmm, you sound like you're stuck in a rut but your DH's objections are valid in that it will set back your ability to buy a house, that you'll end up paid less, working anti-social hours and in a career that's much more stressful than the one you currently have.

All of which is fine if you desperately want to do it. I may be wrong OP but I'm not really getting a sense that you consider nursing a vocation and have always wanted to do it. More that you're bored where you are and fancy a change. If it's the latter, then I'd do some careers research, questionnaires and see if there's something else that appeals to you more. You could always work and attend night school/college to retrain in a different career at the same time.

If it’s something you’ve always wanted to do, go for it. It has a career path and the areas in which you work are very varied. I was a nurse. Community Nursing was my favourite. I trained as a mature student, when students got a salary. However, the way it’s done now, I couldn’t afford it.

So
If you havent got education in the last 4 years I believe, you'll need to undergo an access course for 1 year first.
When in uni (and what if you dont get in straight away? Access courses are full on and unless you've done it part time, you would have quit work.. so what will you do the year you may not get in).
You should get up to £10,000 maintenance loan, £1,000 parents learning allowance, and up to £8,000on the reintroduction of the bursary (£5k standard, £1,000 depending on geographical area, £1k depending on nursing area and another £1k if you have children). So minimum of around £16k

BUT

That will need to cover fuel, your Bills and commitments now, childcare (uni is 4-5 days a week and placement is 3-4 days a week).

You will still get 15 hours free childcare but only 30if you can earn X amount a week or work 16 hours a week,and a lot of people studying struggle to do that alongside placement hours. You need to find an employer extremely flexible

And you'll struggle to then get a mortgage based on your income during studying.

As long as you can afford to live while you are doing your training, do it. You're in your early 20s. It's hardly 'retraining'. You're getting an education, which most people get in their early 20s, but they don't have children yet by then. I did not save a penny for a house in my 20s. I lived and travelled and spent about 10 years in full time education. I am late 30s now, have a great career that I love, and we are now buying a (very big, very nice) house with what we saved when life got easier and we had good careers and were able to save. It has to be a joint decision, but you are both young enough that you should be prioritising setting yourselves up for the future career-wise rather than saving.

Although I agree in principle that you should be able to do what you want to and not have your DH refuse to 'allow' it, in this instance there are massive financial implications on your joint budget which would have a huge impact on him as well as you.

How long is the training for?

I’m of the ‘no regrets’ train of thought. You have age on your side being young, Free nursery hours coming a mother willing to help with child care. Go and do it now, as you may look back in years to come and be resentful of your husband saying no.
There is usually more excuses to come in years ahead why you can’t do it, more children, not the right time, still saving for deposit etc etc

Life is for living in what way makes you happy.

It is a financial sacrifice that he, too would be making for your benefit, so his opinion is relevant. You can just go ahead without getting him on your side, but that could feed resentment. If you want to persuade him, the best way would probably be to plan it all out more, so that it doesn't just end at "We can't save for a house". How many years does the training take? How long would you not be earning? When would you be able to start saving again, and how much would you probably be earning at that point? How would another child (if planned) come into it? When would you be likely to have saved enough for a house? If you can already say a specific year that he has to wait until, he might be less critical.