To go against DH and retrain just because I want to?

[Trapordo]

In short, I'm sick of my rubbish admin based job and want to be a nurse (with a view to becoming a prescribing practitioner).

H says no. It is a lot of financial sacrifice. Most importantly though, it means we couldn't continue to save for a house.

He says I'm really unreasonable and a bit selfish. Because we need the security of a house.

I admit it is a but of a mad thing to come out with. But just think if I don't do it now I never will

AIBU?

I work 1 day a week as what is essentially a counsellor for pregnant women, for British Pregnancy Advisory Service

^ is this the role that you feel is an "admin-based role"?

rvby No. I did say elsewhere in the thread (Christ that sounds rude, sorry)! but the above position is 1 day a week for half a day. Sometimes more but on a 'bank' type basis.

My admin based job is entirely different, is my main job and is the one that pays well

@Trapordo while I do think no one should be in a job this is a very big decision that needs to be discussed. It will be a major lifestyle change not only for him but also for you. I imagine that at least for the next forseeable future things like child care etc would be a massive change. While it would be great for my fiancé to also help with the child care I can't all if the sudden move the goal post and be 'great news I want to change jobs and you need to pick up the kids 2 days a week where you work half days' etc. That was not what was agreed. Did you agree to more children at the start of planning a family or did he just assume he would have more? not saying you have to give him more children but you have potentially moved the goal post childwise, plan to move it childcare wise which will effect the jobs he can go for and are again potentially moving the goal post finanacially. This does not mean you should not do it but it does mean you need to discuss this like adults and be aware that his feelings in this should also be valid if you want to remain a family

The NHS plans to recruit lots of social prescribers in the next few years. This might even be accelerated by Covid. They will work in GP surgeries and be paid at approximate band 5.

It’s not nursing but it uses the experience you already have. It pays well when you take account of the pension. You will be inside the NHS and able to take better advantage of their training and development programmes. The role doesn’t require 4-5 years of training to qualify. It will be fixed hours and GP surgeries are more distributed that hospitals meaning you are likely to get a local job.

The NHS plans to recruit lots of social prescribers in the next few years

What’s a social prescriber?

Well I work in one of those 9-5 jobs.

Well, 8-4.

They're as rare as hens teeth and I got this entirely by accident. Was literally in the right place at the right time.

I think you're really in denial about what the job would intake tbh. It's fucking hard. I have small kids and it's still exhausting.

Training was 4 years of gruelling struggle. And I didn't even have kids then.

I wouldn't retrain as a nurse if I had kids. It's a highly disruptive course to do. You're all over the place. All the time! It requires a very very solid support system.

A social prescriber actively helps people engage with services that address the social needs that would improve their health and wellbeing. At a basic level helping them engage with charities and the like who can help with loneliness, access to fitness and wellbeing help.

The troubling thing for me is that this doesn’t seem to be a respectful, open discussion with your DH about how you might work towards your ambitions. From your posts I’m picking up quite a paternal tone from him. He wants another child, and where do you come in? Being in any job you find unfulfilling is tough - regardless of pay. The course of training you propose would be a tough one and costly, and you’d need emotional as well as financial support. How’s your DH with other significant decisions? If he’s similarly unprepared to negotiate, it sounds like this is the first issue to deal with.

OP I am a specialist nurse and prescriber as well as a nurse lecturer. I am more than happy for you to PM me if you have any questions about the practicalities of training etc. Please do bear in mind that a lot of my students have waited until the time is right (kids, finances etc) to train and they do very well.