To be soooooo mad with OH about this

[73Sunglasslover]

I work for the NHS. Can't currently go to my work place due to my health but am working from home and picking up a lot of extra work to reduce the load on colleagues. OH has not seemed to 'get it' re: the fact that I need not to be interrupted when at work. So we talked about what that actually meant and planned for him to remove anything he needs from the bedroom prior to my working day starting and asked him to send emails which I will respond to if I can whilst I am working (like normally happens and in preference to him coming into the bedroom).

I had a training event via zoom which finished at 7 today. He knew this as we'd discussed it a couple of days ago and I reminded him this morning. 6 pm he starts sending me texts and emails though I didn't notice them at the time. 6:15 he starts knocking on the door, coming in and starting to try to talk to me. I gestured for him to go away and pointed at the computer. He persisted. I gestured to computer more. He did leave but when the course finished I came down and said that he really can't interrupt as we'd already agreed. He wanted to tell me kids hadn't eaten (not sure why as he sorts out their meals every one of my working days) and he wanted to go for a cycle (kids are old enough for him to go out even if I'm working). He's acting all offended and I am feeling hugely disrespected. AIBU?

He is being an arse. What is difficult to understand about you being at work?

He sounds deliberately difficult there

Why is it important for you to know about their food when he is home too?

Oh goodness, cut each other some slack! Not the end of the world. It's hard living all on top of each other during lockdown.

YOU.
ARE.
AT.
WORK.

Why doesn’t he get this? Is your job not important (in his eyes) or something?

This is a bit of a tangent but the trust I work at has banned zoom as it's got dubious security.

www.theguardian.com/technology/2020/apr/02/zoom-technology-security-coronavirus-video-conferencing#maincontent

You might want to ask the person who organised the training to check with local IT for their policies.

He couldn't be arsed to feed his own kids?
And wanted to go out on his bike?
Jeez.
No wonder you're angry.
What a prick.

What an attention seeking man child.

Gobshite. I hate this shit.

Kicking him out all day is a bit off.

You could have texted him just before the meeting as a reminder.

And you are entitled to coffee breaks and toilet breaks etc so I really do t see how you couldn't have checked in with eachother at some point.

As a one off its fine to want a full day no disturbance but all day every day during lockdown it's OTT.

Just be adults and communicate.

I don’t get this. Who at work in an office never gets interrupted? No one I know. What is it about your job OP that you can’t be interrupted not even for a 2 second thing?

Yeah cos letting someone out for a cycle when you are in the middle of a call takes 2 seconds

Hi OP

I work in financial services and am doing a huge amount of virtual meetings / workshops etc right now.

In these circumstances, It is 100% acceptable for dogs / delivery people / teenagers / husbands etc to appear in the background with coffees and gestures on odd occasions..

It's unusual times.

It's not ok to be interrupted every 10 minutes, but let the man into his own bedroom at some point for God's sake!!

Put a lock on the door. Use it.

In these circumstances, It is 100% acceptable for dogs / delivery people / teenagers / husbands etc to appear in the background with coffees and gestures on odd occasions

Our last team meeting was disrupted when a colleague's huge, fluffy cat leaped onto his lap and tried to drape itself round his neck. Said colleague has a huge hipster beard and you couldn't tell where the cat stopped and the beard started.

Today's team meeting had to be adjourned when DP handed me a cup of tea and everyone else decided they had to have one too. Then we all had to say hello to another colleague's kids.

I think it's nice, but I get that in a more strictly professional environment people might not like it.

OP, if you work in that sort of environment, then I think your DP needs to respect that.

Since he is either thick or a knob pop a sign on your door

Do not disturb me unless a fire breaks out - I'm working

My employer told us not to worry too much if we get an interruption while on calls. They understand that it will happen, albeit they were referring to the children!

My team also introduced our dogs to each other on a call.

It’s fine being interrupted by cats and children.

But for a grown man to inform you that he didn’t feed his own children and he wants to go out to play on his bike? Fuck that!

You need a sign for the door.

"IS THE HOUSE ON FIRE?"

"NO?"

"FUCK OFF, THEN"

My husband is working from home and even our DCs know not to go in when he's in a meeting other than for an emergency. If he's working we'd try not to disturb him too to be honest as it's irritating to constantly lose your train of thought but might occasionally bring a cup of tea.

Shove a wedge under the door to keep the attention seeking idiot out.

It sounds like work is stressful and it’s undwrstandable you want space but I think asking your husband to email you and not to go in your shared bedroom all day is a bit much. Yes he’s being pathetic but maybe you could find some middle ground, it’s a strange time and we all have to find a way through it.

I think it’s for work to be sympathetic to the home situation...not for everyone else at home to revolve entirely around work. Slack cutting needs to be distributed all round.
I understand you need to be left alone to focus but asking him to send you emails instead of just popping his head in the door is a bit puffed up don’t you think?
Six of one half a dozen of the other imo.

Why exactly do you think he's doing this?
Reasons I can imagine are:

1. He thinks your job is just a silly little woman's job which doesn't really count so it doesn't matter.
2. He is anxious, inadequate or somehow unable to cope as a parent without your full presence at all times.
3. He is abusive or controlling and is deliberately trying to undermine you at work.
4. He just doesn't care and is totally uninterested in you or your needs.
5. He has a memory or understanding issue or is basically just a bit thick.

Should add that I work for the NHS. I get calls as and when needed so can't plan wheN I can be interrupted and some work is highly confidential (v. personal info). There is no-where else in the house I can work. I'm thinking that if he can't respect this I might have to go to a trust base to work despite the fact that I should be staying at home as much as possible due to health.

Confidential calls with distressed clients cannot be interrupted by narky husband and neither should supervision for distressed colleagues. Not everyone's work is easily interruptable.

You might want to ask the person who organised the training to check with local IT for their policies.

Zoom has had the largest market share of video conferencing software for going on a decade now. That would not be the case if it had security flaws. Most IT depts will base their policies on something more substantial than a baseless rumour repeated in a newspaper.

Are you working every day? Is he working at all? Do you think he is struggling with home schooling/childcare etc