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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be soooooo mad with OH about this

182 replies

73Sunglasslover · 16/04/2020 19:16

I work for the NHS. Can't currently go to my work place due to my health but am working from home and picking up a lot of extra work to reduce the load on colleagues. OH has not seemed to 'get it' re: the fact that I need not to be interrupted when at work. So we talked about what that actually meant and planned for him to remove anything he needs from the bedroom prior to my working day starting and asked him to send emails which I will respond to if I can whilst I am working (like normally happens and in preference to him coming into the bedroom).

I had a training event via zoom which finished at 7 today. He knew this as we'd discussed it a couple of days ago and I reminded him this morning. 6 pm he starts sending me texts and emails though I didn't notice them at the time. 6:15 he starts knocking on the door, coming in and starting to try to talk to me. I gestured for him to go away and pointed at the computer. He persisted. I gestured to computer more. He did leave but when the course finished I came down and said that he really can't interrupt as we'd already agreed. He wanted to tell me kids hadn't eaten (not sure why as he sorts out their meals every one of my working days) and he wanted to go for a cycle (kids are old enough for him to go out even if I'm working). He's acting all offended and I am feeling hugely disrespected. AIBU?

OP posts:

DICarter1 · 16/04/2020 20:31

What’s he doing all day? Does he need to work to?

He sounds like a dick. I’m having to work round my kids (two with special needs) and ensuring my husband who is working in the office isn’t interrupted. It’s not complicated. I agree with the poster above giving the reasons why he’s doing it.

HildaSnibbs · 16/04/2020 20:31

Can you put a note on the door when you're on a call? So it's very clear not to knock at those times. My DH is working from home FT and if I can hear he's on a call I won't go in but if not I do pop in to remind him it's time to take the kids out / dinner time etc which I think is normal and acceptable in current circumstances.

pictish · 16/04/2020 20:35

Ah I see. That makes a lot more sense.

Well yes...I can see why you are annoyed. However, again I say...it’s an unusual situation right now with people working from home. You’re not in your workplace and you can’t run your day as though you are...not entirely anyway.
It’s actually unreasonable to expect you to have a room free in your house to ban your family members from. All day.
Dyswim?

Savingshoes · 16/04/2020 20:35

You need to kick this in the butt before it gets out of hand.
He sounds like he has no respect for your work. Remind him that you are a working professional and he is absolutely not to come into the place you're working for any reason.
Do not his sulking or tantrum deflect from the fact that he has attempted to embarrass you at your place of work.

Mustbethewine · 16/04/2020 20:35

YANBU. He knew you were in a meeting and yet kept interrupting you. He sounds like he's bored and unable to entertain himself so he keeps annoying you.

Iamthewombat · 16/04/2020 20:39

Attention seeking. This is when you see the true colours of a man child.

My DH interrupted an audit call last week to show me that he had changed a light bulb in the downstairs loo. He comes into the dining room whilst I’m on Teams calls to remind me that he is just going to the supermarket. Which he’d told me about the previous evening and that morning.

I am putting it down to an attempt to convey “Look at me doing housework! Take notice! Look at me GOING TO DO FOOD SHOPPING IN PERSON because I can’t get a delivery slot! See how I bravely suffer!”

Butterymuffin · 16/04/2020 20:43

am putting it down to an attempt to convey “Look at me doing housework! Take notice! Look at me GOING TO DO FOOD SHOPPING IN PERSON because I can’t get a delivery slot! See how I bravely suffer!”

Yes, this. It's a cry of 'I'm doing lots and it's HARD! Come and take over so I can go and play!'

HollowTalk · 16/04/2020 20:46

I think that given the nature of your job it's incredibly disrespectful of him.

What's he like normally?

Shitsgettingcrazy · 16/04/2020 20:46

It took dp a few days to get used to me being home, but not really here.

He interrupted my team video meeting, where the ceo was explaining we were closing and furlighing most staff to bring me a cup of tea and biscuits and to being the puppy in to see if I wanted a cuddle with the puppy. Luckily, our CEO saw the funny side and then asked to see the puppy.

Dp sheepishly backed out of the room. He gets it now. It annoyed me because I dont think he realised the level of responsibility I have. Or the sliu t of time I spend on critical calls trying to sort things out.

All of a sudden though, he has a new found respect for what I do and admitted that he couldnt do it. I think his view of office work is very different now.

Get the impression that he thought my job was piss easy before though. Which annoyed me in myself.

Shitsgettingcrazy · 16/04/2020 20:48

Tbf, dp doesnt do the 'look at me doing housework' and he is doing it all at the moment. My son isnt dps son and he is watching him, feeding him without needing validation. Even took him for a walk eith the dogs without telling me.

The house to myself was bliss. Wish I easnt working.

WhereDidMyEyebrowsGo · 16/04/2020 20:49

So he hadn't bothered to feed his own kids and then wanted to go out on a bike ride? But couldn't because his wife hadn't fed the kids.

What sort of DF can't be arsed to feed his own kids and feels it appropriate to interrupt his DW whilst she's working and doing a really important job right now?

Is he a bit jealous that your job is a bit more important than this?

ilikemethewayiam · 16/04/2020 20:50

Good God!, you told him in advance and then reminded (which you shouldn’t have to do!) and he still pestered you during an important work meeting!. Words fail me!

rwalker · 16/04/2020 20:53

It's no different than than a colleague doing the same at work.would you of treat them the same .
You've banned him from the room he's not allowed to go and get his own stuff he text ,emails and knocks so he does respect it
It's a home not a work place for 1 incident I wouldn't be that enraged.

lmcneil003 · 16/04/2020 20:55

What a nasty piece of work this man sounds.
This cannot continue, he has contempt for you, and your work.

Get you affairs in order and talk to some divorce lawyers. They often do a free 30 minute consultation.

AnneOfCloves · 16/04/2020 21:02

He's being a dick. He's not understood that you are actually working and are uninterruptible.

He needs to adjust his perspective.

I told my children that when I was working in the kitchen I wasn't actually there, I was in the Work Dimension. They could see me but I wasn't actually there and contactable.
If a 5, 9 and 12 year old can manae it, your husband can learn it.

Original poster

73Sunglasslover · 16/04/2020 21:06

Hi rwalker, if a colleague walked into a training event and started talking to me about something not vital, the trainer would ask them to leave! It would be very unusual behavior of a colleague!

OP posts:

pinksauce · 16/04/2020 21:11

YABU - It's your family home, and you're working from it. You and your colleagues need to adjust.

If my other half reacted like you, I'd be very clear to not expect any interruption free zone from now on and enter as much as I like. If the other people on conference don't like it tough - I might even pull the WiFi plug. Family home is for family first.

givemeacall · 16/04/2020 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saladmakesmesad · 16/04/2020 21:12

What a nasty piece of work this man sounds.
This cannot continue, he has contempt for you, and your work.

Get you affairs in order and talk to some divorce lawyers. They often do a free 30 minute consultation.

Husband interrupts one work meeting (taking place in his bedroom) so divorce him?! Jesus Christ...

rwalker · 16/04/2020 21:12

yes agreed but it was your husband walking into his own bedroom. A lot of our support and a few managers are working from home and on our calls and video meetings there a few interruptions whilst it far from perfect, my point is everyone understands the situation and bit of tolerance goes a long way .

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 16/04/2020 21:14

@pinksauce

What a silly response. How on earth can OP and her colleagues adjust? By allowing everyone in her household to hear people's confidential medical information? Do you not think it would be better for her husband to adjust by not pointlessly interrupting her work constantly?

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 16/04/2020 21:15

but there is a big difference in seeing someone’s other half pop their head round, mouth “sorry love”, scuttle across the background silently to pick up their phone/whatever and then retreat as if they were trying not to disturb a lion and/or whilst giving a mini thumbs up.

this guy sounds like he’s blundering in and being deliberately interruptive because he probably hates having to look after his kids and resents his wife’s time being taken away by her silly job

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 16/04/2020 21:16

Family home is for family first

Except in the event of global pandemics where both can live side by side in the interests of earning a fucking wage

pinksauce · 16/04/2020 21:18

No - employers need to realise they are not providing a safe environment, so people are allowing them into their homes. Everything will change - expect everything to be overheard, interrupted and to be disrupted.

I have a lot of experience running teams in such environments, and its best not to pretend you are in a workplace, but to recognise you are in people's homes,. and their family life will continue.

This is experience for many years - not just now.

Simply don't talk about confidential information - secure transport only. Definitely no social media platform, and especially not zoom - completely irresponsible.

Powerplant · 16/04/2020 21:19

He’s an attention seeking man child why are so many men like this??

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