To want to change my name...

[TheLadyAnneNeville]

So, not THAT important considering what’s happening in the world...

I am 58yrs old. I detest my name which is a very 60’s “modern” name. Not Debbie/Sharon/Julie/Michelle but, along those lines. When my older sister was born, my Mum called her XXXXX. Ten days later, she changed her mind and called my sister YYYYY. Skip 2 yrs and I was born. Now, my mum was really I’ll when I was born and because my auntie and uncle had no children of their own, I was to be looked after, by them. They were a wonderful couple and it was a lot more complicated than I can go into here. So, in my mum’s absence, my auntie named me XXXXX.

I lived with my Nanna (until she died) and then my auntie and uncle (and was much loved) but eventually, as a toddler, went back to my parents (I was a difficult child, apparently). Now, I DETEST this “secondhand” name. In and off, all my life, I’ve wanted to change it.

Would I be ridiculous to try to do so now? Everyone knows me as XXXXX so on a practical level, I feel it’s impossible. To add insult to injury, when my sister was given a different name YYYYY, my auntie who loved the name XXXXX got a dog and called it XXXXX 🙄. So, not only is my name second hand but I’m named after a sodding dog!

What would you do? We had some pretty names in our family too...Eleanor, Emily, Mathilda and Constance and I ended up with XXXXX.

Change it. You hate it, so change it! Choose something you find beautiful.

I know of someone who changed their name in their sixties

You can of course change your name, but as a lot of people know your name you may find it tricky to persuade them to take it up/remember. Also many have nicknames which you could take up, you would need to be on a bit of a mission. Is there some nickname you can extrapolate out of the name you dislike, rather than a new name altogether?

I have a 60s name which I don’t like very much. Not enough to change it though, it’s just who I am. Could you a) get used to yourself as a new name and b) be bothered to keep correcting and explaining to people for ever/ years and years?

I also was supposed to be called a different, nicer name but my Mums friend had a baby and used that name a couple of months before.

YANBU but I suspect it would be a reall ball ache and you’ll never totally get rid of XXXX.

I'm Beverley so I understand. Very 60s/70s name.

I had a friend who changed her name in school. It wasn't that big a deal, and we got used to the new one pretty quickly. Just change it.

Hmmm...@AtrociousCircumstance... I LOVE your attitude.

No, my name won’t shorten. It is what it is. My sister was taking the Micky recently (in a lighthearted way) as we were looking at old photos. There was the dog. My namesake. We both hated the dog too, it used to bite us! It’s funny though, I cannot imagine giving my child a name which I so disliked, that I’d given my other child two years previously... and then discarded it. My mum just said “I was so ill and your dad wasn’t interested and auntie was having you and LOVED the name”. Makes no sense to me.

@fessmess.... I feel your pain. At least you can be Bev 😊

Go for it. Change it to something you love. X

I know someone at work who did this. Changed one perfectly ordinary name for another.
Most people who didn't know her well would be interested, possibly wonder why (out loud or to themselves) but very quickly got used to it.

I say change it.

Go for it. I can see why you don't like your name given the circumstances you described and that you weren't named by your parents.

Do you know what names your Mum was considering for a girl when pregnant with you? Might be worth asking in case there's one you like?

If not, do you have a new name in mind?

How do you think of yourself? If your name isn’t part of your identity, choose one that is. Perhaps start by asking friends to call you it etc before doing all the legal stuff and see if that’s enough.

Do it, and sod what anyone thinks

You can change it butbyabu for not disclosing the name on a name thread

What’s your name?

Could you make a nickname for yourself or shorten it somehow eg a PP said her name is Beverley so she could shorten it to Bev or Bee. I know quite a few friends who have slightly changed their name (chrissy instead of christina etc). Is this possible?

If you start replying to texts or emails with this name and start getting friends to call you it then it will become easier than having a complete name change.

I met someone once at university whose name was XXX and said she preferred to be XYY - hardly anything like her real name and I thought it was awful at first but I got used to it and now I really like it. She did it as so many people in her school had the same name so she wanted to be a bit different and it stuck.

Is it Elaine?

I itching to know what your name is op.
I don’t like mine either. But I don’t get called it much. Mostly mum or nan.

Is it Karen?

I did when I hit 40, I also changed my surname at the same time.
I kept something close to my original first name but took a completely different surname. It was a faff as you have to get everything changed and I still get hospital appointments in my old first name occasionally ten years later but I don’t regret it at all.
I would however wait until this is all over as I found it easiest to get my passport done and then bank and utilities etc afterwards. I took a couple of days off to get it all organised. Get plenty of official copies. I’ve never regretted it. My father ignores my surname and still calls me by my original first name but apart from that most people took to it easily.

I hate, hate, hate my name. It's not very common but it's not unusual, it can't be shortened or lengthened. It doesn't suit me at all, and I don't have a middle name that I can use instead. It's just a horrible name.

After lockdown I'll be moving around 100 miles away - I'm considering changing my name and introducing myself with a new name as I'll need a new job and new friends, so I say do it!

Change it.

Do it here for free, you don't need to pay despite what other people will tell you.

freedeedpoll.org.uk/

My SIL changed her name when she turned 50. She said she had always hated her name, it’s very old fashioned and quite ‘hard’ sounding.

She just emailed or phoned everyone and said from now on I want to be called KKKKK, and most people were fine. The only disgruntled one was her mother which was fair enough really, but even she started using the new name.

Go for it if it’s what you want.

You might have a few options open to you with shortening it! For example I knew a Marjorie who’d been teased and called margarine and Marj all her life - until we shortened it to Jorie :)

I hated my name growing up and no one ever pronounced it correctly. I changed it by deed poll when I was 27, took people a while to accept it (mother the longest) but eventually it got to the stage people only called me by my new name

I think just change it and say you want to go by your middle name now.