To want to change my name...

[TheLadyAnneNeville]

So, not THAT important considering what’s happening in the world...

I am 58yrs old. I detest my name which is a very 60’s “modern” name. Not Debbie/Sharon/Julie/Michelle but, along those lines. When my older sister was born, my Mum called her XXXXX. Ten days later, she changed her mind and called my sister YYYYY. Skip 2 yrs and I was born. Now, my mum was really I’ll when I was born and because my auntie and uncle had no children of their own, I was to be looked after, by them. They were a wonderful couple and it was a lot more complicated than I can go into here. So, in my mum’s absence, my auntie named me XXXXX.

I lived with my Nanna (until she died) and then my auntie and uncle (and was much loved) but eventually, as a toddler, went back to my parents (I was a difficult child, apparently). Now, I DETEST this “secondhand” name. In and off, all my life, I’ve wanted to change it.

Would I be ridiculous to try to do so now? Everyone knows me as XXXXX so on a practical level, I feel it’s impossible. To add insult to injury, when my sister was given a different name YYYYY, my auntie who loved the name XXXXX got a dog and called it XXXXX 🙄. So, not only is my name second hand but I’m named after a sodding dog!

What would you do? We had some pretty names in our family too...Eleanor, Emily, Mathilda and Constance and I ended up with XXXXX.

What new name would you choose?

You have to tell us the name. Can’t you just accept that that’s your name. That’s you that’s your identity.

Change it.

Some people will inevitably wonder and ask why you're changing it, and it might take a while for the switch to be complete, but if it's bothering you enough that you feel it's worth the annoyance, go for it!

It sounds like your family already know how you feel about your name, so it shouldn't come as a total surprise to them (not that it would matter if it did).

change it! what names do you like?

I would change it in your position.

Do it.

I was called Muhammad (eurgh), I changed my name entirely four years ago, but I had been known by that name for around two years.

It’s really easy to do and you don’t have to pay, I did but that’s because it made part of a citizenship process so I didn’t want any risk of stumbling.

I know two women who decided to change their names aged 50 and 60. One was successful and became known entirely by the new name, and the other was less so; she now answers to both names.

Go ahead, change it.
I changed mine when I was much younger (parents were still alive and so weren't impressed!)

When I did mine, I went to a solicitor and they drew up a proper legal document. It used to be Deed Poll for change of surname but Statuary Declaration of Change of Name for first/second names...not sure whether that's still correct now.

With a legal document, you can change everything, including going to your bank for bank account, passport, doctor's etc. It can cause extra paperwork....for instance, if I have to show my birth certificate, it's in a different name so I have to produce my legal change of name document too, but it's always accepted. Ditto for things which require certificates in my former names (eg. exam certificates)...but always accepted.

Explain it to friends and explain that you've never liked your current names, and from now onwards you will be called (new name). Some will be accepting, others will be less so. Don't argue the case, just keep explaining and don't answer to anything other than your new name. You will also have to get used to it....there was a time when I would turn around if someone called out my previous name (but referring to someone else)….it only lasted about a year and then my old name meant nothing. Changing your name is very liberating, it means a "new" you and you can finally be the person you've always wanted to be, not the one someone else defined. I wish you luck!

I know a woman in work who changed her name in her 50s. It took a year for us all to get used to it (just kept using her old name in rushed situations by accident) but now her new name is normalised and that's what we all use.
She was named by her father who was mentally abusive - she broke of her relationship with him and also shook off the name which she had always hated.

I'd say go for it!

I have a name which is very 1980's (think Sharon/Tracy etc). If you see a TV character with my name, she's always a prostitute or an alcoholic.

I don't dislike it enough to go through the bother of changing it but I would love a nice traditional name. I think it would sound more professional in my academic job!

@SimonJT... I’d rather be named Muhammad than XXXXX 😊

LadyAnne
I am the youngest of 3 cousins. We all have the same first name (I'm the only one with just the one name) - you mentioned it in your v short list of crap names.
I also share a birthday (but am a few yrs younger) with one of them.
My Mum used to refer to one (birthday sharer) as her "daughter".

I hate my name...always have and always will.
You have my sympathy.

My brother has cancer and is now only receiving palliative care. He's had many hospital visits and has arrangements with hospice for end of life care. (First part of story). Rewind to early 1950 and our dad went to register his birth. He decided to put 'second' name he and mum had chosen, as first name on register. Although bro was always known by 'favouirite' name, he's always had to put first official name (which he hates) onto documents etc. throughout the years. Ffwd again to now, not only has he had to endure all the horrid treatment that cancer patients have to go through, he also puts up with being called by the name he hates by all the medical/admin staff (and he sees a lot). When I said to him "Why not just tell them you want to be known by favourite name?" He said "It just confuses them." Made me so sad that this simple thing is added to the list of shitty stuff he has to go through.
Change it.

I'm not your age, but I legally changed my name back in 2016. Best decision ever. It was weird at first and people had to get used to calling me by a different name, but it caught on fairly quickly. And it has made me a lot more confident.

Yes change it! Life's too short to have a name you hate.

One of my friends at school chnaged her name from Karen to Wednesday. It went with her surnamer brilliantly.

One teacher insisted on calling her Karen still- but everyone got used to it and now she is still Wednesday. (We are 48).

@ImPeckish... great opportunity. I’d go for it!

@RideaCockHorseOfCourse... That’s so sad. I’m very sorry to hear of your brother’s illness and that he hasn’t been able to have the name he wanted.

My name is Wendy. Some people might think it’s not so bad. I think of it as a little girls name. I cannot imagine being in a nursing home and still being Wendy. And... it belonged to my sister first. And my mother didn’t like it. I associate it with my being a baby who wasn’t planned and really, though much loved, was to be passed to my aunt and uncle. I just always felt absolutely NO thought went into my name. None. My middle name is Jane. I like Eleanor who was my great aunt. She was a strong willed woman. Her maiden name was Rigby. Eleanor Rigby 😊No children (again). We had a Tilly (Mathilda) on my grandad’s side.

I’d probably go with Eleanor because I knew her so well. And my mum always said I was so like her. I wear Auntie Eleanor’s wedding ring which is nearly 100yrs old.

Am I being silly? Childish? Even Jane is simple and has a history, some elegance about it. Wendy is a cartoon character.

If you want to, you should, why ever not? Good luck. You deserve to be happy.

Personally I’d take Wendy over my name.... but Elenor is lovely and you should just bite the bullet.

I hate my name, i cringe when people shorten it, I’ve been vocal about it all my life.

Eleanor is a beautiful name.

And it suits you.

@GreenTulips... what is it? Your name?

I think Jane (it being my middle name) might be easier for people to accept. Eleanor... my great aunt would have loved that. Having always wanted children and having none.

@GreenTeaMug 😊 It “suits” me?

yes. :) i can tell from the way you speak about it.

@GreenTea... do you know me? 😊. Fine, if you do.

I do know a Wendy, and she's lovely! Nobody has ever mentioned that it's not a nice name. It's funny how we may have different opinions of our own names. I don't like mine either!