To want to change my name...

[TheLadyAnneNeville]

So, not THAT important considering what’s happening in the world...

I am 58yrs old. I detest my name which is a very 60’s “modern” name. Not Debbie/Sharon/Julie/Michelle but, along those lines. When my older sister was born, my Mum called her XXXXX. Ten days later, she changed her mind and called my sister YYYYY. Skip 2 yrs and I was born. Now, my mum was really I’ll when I was born and because my auntie and uncle had no children of their own, I was to be looked after, by them. They were a wonderful couple and it was a lot more complicated than I can go into here. So, in my mum’s absence, my auntie named me XXXXX.

I lived with my Nanna (until she died) and then my auntie and uncle (and was much loved) but eventually, as a toddler, went back to my parents (I was a difficult child, apparently). Now, I DETEST this “secondhand” name. In and off, all my life, I’ve wanted to change it.

Would I be ridiculous to try to do so now? Everyone knows me as XXXXX so on a practical level, I feel it’s impossible. To add insult to injury, when my sister was given a different name YYYYY, my auntie who loved the name XXXXX got a dog and called it XXXXX 🙄. So, not only is my name second hand but I’m named after a sodding dog!

What would you do? We had some pretty names in our family too...Eleanor, Emily, Mathilda and Constance and I ended up with XXXXX.

Nothing useful to add other than GO FOR IT. In a years time you’ll think “it’s so great to be Eleanor” so, seize the moment :)

Change it! I think people are more open to name changing now, maybe the influence of social media nicknames? It will probably be a bit awkward at first getting it sorted but I bet it won't take long till everyone is calling you by the new name quite naturally.

@BaronessBomburst... it’s awful isn’t it? I put a great deal of thought into choosing my son’s name. You’re pretty much stuck with it.

I really think you should do it, I would however do what a previous poster said and do it through a solicitor, even though you don’t have to, reason being it makes it more serious and official and gives your decision more gravitas when you tell people and have a legal document. You could make an announcement on Facebook or WhatsApp to your friends and family to say you have had a meeting with your solicitor and have legally changed your name so they can’t question your decision as it’s a done deal.

In your place, yes I would change it to Eleanor, or use your middle name, which is elegant, as a first name ( v common here in Wales for the middle name to be the familiar name).
I think that Wendy for you has painful associations lasting a lifetime, it is much more than not loving your name per se. You can change it, people might find Jane easier as it is already your name, but go with whichever you prefer.

OP I’m sorry but I think you’re being ridiculous. XXXXX is a beautiful name.

I may not have grasped the full story, but it sounds as though your aunt and uncle gave you your name because they knew for certain that it was a name your mother had liked and she wasn’t able to be with you and name you as a tiny baby. I don’t think that makes it a second hand name, I think that makes it a name that was given to you by two people who were trying their best for you and your mother in the circumstances because they cared for you both. It’s a sweet story really and there is some history there - you’d lose that if you changed it.

If it’s making you miserable though of course you should go for it!

I think you should change it to Eleanor rather than Jane even though it's your middle name. People are going to have to get used to a change either way so you may as well use the name you really like.

Change it.

I changed my name when I was 25 (I'm now 60). Didn't do anything legal just told everyone I'd changed it and stopped answering to the old one. Everyone and the kitchen sink (apart from the tax and medical authorities) use my 'new' one.

The only time it became a problem was when I had an operation. When I woke up from the general anaesthetic the nurse was talking to a total stranger...
"YYY are you all right? Can you hear me YYY?"
"Who the fuck is YYY?" I said.
Total panic on her face as she tried to work out whether I had suffered brain damage or she'd got the wrong patient.
"Oh wait! That's me! Yes. I'm fine."

It had been so long since anyone had addressed me as YYY that I had forgotten my own name.

XXXXX is a beautiful name

You're right, it is. How is it pronounced, do you say 'EksEksEksEksEks' or is it 'Eksssssssss'?

Seriously though, my name is dreadful too. I've seen posters on MN describing it as such. Thankfully, my initial sounds like it could be a name in its own right and that's what I tend to get called.

XXXXX pronounced 'fifty'?

My mother disliked her name, and switched to using her middle name, I think when she was about 20.
Everyone used the middle name apart from her family, who still call her by that name even though she died 20 years ago - so 40+ years while she was still alive.
If you do change it, you may experience problems with those that have known you as XXXXX for many years may be slow, or fail to adopt your new name.

THat's not to say not to do it, but just be prepared for those that have known you as XXXXX for a while to stick to it.

I hate my name too. It is old and fuddy. I just can’t be bothered to change it though, until now....hmmmm maybe.

I don't like my name, I never have, it's Angela. Growing up I didn't know any others and my siblings are John and Susan so it just didn't go.
My mum read it in an Enid Blyton boarding school book as a child and loved it. Though the girl in question apparently was snobbish and prissy!
My dad wanted to call me Louise; that's my middle name and I think the middle name of many girls born in the 60's along with your middle name Jane, OP.
I've never liked being called Angie either so it's prissy old Angela for me!
If you feel that strongly about it OP, change your name. My great great grandmother was called Eleanor Jane, lovely names!

I actually changed mine later in life. My given name was after the midwife who delivered me & by all accounts no-one really liked her so I don't feel a connection with the name at all.

Change it! I changed my first and middle name when I was 23. No regrets at all!

Change it. If it's still bothering you, it'll always bother you. Go for it!
I've thought about changing my name which is ok but a bit meh and very of it's time. But I dont actually hate it so I never have.

Wendy is a lovely whimsical name. Love your chosen name too.

A branch of DH's family have the tradition of naming first born girls one particular name. They are known by their middle name until they turn 18 and then there is a sort of naming ceremony and they become known by the first name.

No-one bats an eye as far as I know.

My own aunt was named after her mother but always known by her second name. No-body knew until the funeral when the people in the family went 'Oh yes! We'd forgotten that!'

Go for it! I was in a similar situation to you. My ‘dad’ went off and registered me with his mum’s name as my first name, and my maternal grandmother’s name as my second, which wasn’t what my mum wanted, as paternal grandmother’s name isn’t a name, rather a title. My mum then registered me at school with her preferred name. I got So sick of people mispronouncing it, that I changed it after college - I am now known by three different names 😂

@ViciousJackdaw I’ve always pronounced it Kssssssssss where the sound of the X runs right through. It’s actually (originally) sparrow.

Do it change it, I was also named by an aunt and I hate my name luckily I have a nickname which I go by unless I'm in trouble with my parents then I get the full name.

My grandad hated his first name and changed it to his middle name I didn't find out until I started to go the family tree and couldn't find his birth certificate in the name his gone by all my life.

I think Eleanor Jane is just lovely... but I am a bit biased - my 7 year old daughter has that name!

I know 2 Wendy’s. One in her early 60’s & one in her early 50’s.
I feel blessed to know them both. Both strong, independent, successful women with hearts of pure gold. Both people that you’d want to have/be blessed to have as a friend.
So when I hear that name, it’s associated with good, positive feelings for me!

Everyone feels differently about all names, depending on their previous associations with that name. Do you want to change it because of purely what you think? Or because of what you think other people think to that name?
Because if it’s the latter, no matter what you change it to, there will always be someone who hates it!
But if it is purely for yourself, then go for it! You can be whatever name you want to be!

(My Nan was one of 10 and only 2 of them went by the name they were given at birth! Made the funerals interesting....when we were all looking round to check we were in the right place as had never heard of the person being buried!)

I love the name Wendy! I don’t see it as a little girls name, I have an aunt Wendy and great aunt Wendy :)