To want to change my name...

[TheLadyAnneNeville]

So, not THAT important considering what’s happening in the world...

I am 58yrs old. I detest my name which is a very 60’s “modern” name. Not Debbie/Sharon/Julie/Michelle but, along those lines. When my older sister was born, my Mum called her XXXXX. Ten days later, she changed her mind and called my sister YYYYY. Skip 2 yrs and I was born. Now, my mum was really I’ll when I was born and because my auntie and uncle had no children of their own, I was to be looked after, by them. They were a wonderful couple and it was a lot more complicated than I can go into here. So, in my mum’s absence, my auntie named me XXXXX.

I lived with my Nanna (until she died) and then my auntie and uncle (and was much loved) but eventually, as a toddler, went back to my parents (I was a difficult child, apparently). Now, I DETEST this “secondhand” name. In and off, all my life, I’ve wanted to change it.

Would I be ridiculous to try to do so now? Everyone knows me as XXXXX so on a practical level, I feel it’s impossible. To add insult to injury, when my sister was given a different name YYYYY, my auntie who loved the name XXXXX got a dog and called it XXXXX 🙄. So, not only is my name second hand but I’m named after a sodding dog!

What would you do? We had some pretty names in our family too...Eleanor, Emily, Mathilda and Constance and I ended up with XXXXX.

You look like a Jane to me. Or Eleanor. Not Wendy. You look amazing for 58.

I know you say your early life was sad but look at it from your aunt's point of view- she wanted so much to have a child and was unable to do so and then you came along like an answer to a prayer, a lithle miracle.

I get this totally you deserve an elegant name fresh and upbeat. You are young looking and certainly not a "second" anything. Claim the name you like and use it with confidence.

I was named after someone who took their own life very young and also had a terrible childhood. My name made me flinch it never suited me so I changed it the relief was immense and it helped whittle the wheat from the chaff in terms of friendships

Good luck xx

Life is too short. Change the name.

I worked with someone who changed her name completely in her mid fifties for similar reasons to you. We all spent a while forgetting and correcting ourselves but now (some 15 years later) she just IS her new name and it's funny to think she was ever oldname.

You'll never not have been Wendy in the past but your future you could be Eleanor. Why not?

@LadyEloise... you’re right, I was very much loved. In the end, I did go back to my dear mum, who never wanted to give me up. It was 1962 and my dad was married to someone else. He was a constant philanderer with all his wives. He had a few. My mum was lucky that her family stood by her and she didn’t end up in a home for “fallen women”. Yes! Even in 1962! My mum did say that people she’d known all her life, would cross the road to avoid speaking to her. Years later, when I saw my dad as an adult, he kept calling me by the wrong name. I had to keep reminding him “I’m WENDY!

It’s strange isn’t it? To me, my sister just IS (). She isn’t a Wendy either!

Oh you are so beautiful!

You look like an Elizabeth / Liz to me.

I know exactly what you mean, I have a very 1950’s name, even though I was born in the 80’s and it’s a name people take the piss out of ☹️
I think Eleanor is perfect for you, we have an Eleanor in our family known as Ellen or sometimes Nell. It’s an elegant name.

Spidey66
Like you I have a Julie name but would prefer it with an a. I'd love to change it informally and sometimes do for websites.

@Cheerbear23... could ever change your name? That’s not nice, people taking the mick.

I really want to change my name. I'm only in my late 20s but it is a name that really is most common in the 60-70 age group. Think Patricia, Susan etc. No possibility of a nickname as it is 1 syllable. I've always cringed just saying it out loud. Even worse, it was my mum that pushed for my name and we havent been in contact for many years as she made my childhood absolute hell. My dad wanted me to be called Freya which is beautiful, and would suit me so much more as I am tall and fair. So I would choose that or my middle name which I quite like which I guess would be easier.

I just think my family wouldn't respect it, tell me I was being ridiculous and just use the old name, which puts me off doing it.

@Wolfgirl ... At your young age I’d say do it. If the family won’t respect it and your decision, so be it. You’re very young to go through life not being Freya, IMO 😊

I love Eleanor, always have. However, my first thought was that you look like a Jane or Janey (for people that know you well) - I also love Jane. Both are great names.

Thank you @lizzie1970a, thank you.

Go for it Eleanor Jane!
I changed my name in my 30s. I always hated my original name, as I grew up I began to cringe when I had to say it, which made me horribly shy and lacking in confidence, like I wanted to hide myself. After I changed my name it transformed me, no exaggeration, I enjoy being me now!
Other people took to my new name surprisingly easily. My parents were a bit hurt at first, more so that they'd chosen a name I hated, and now are completely accepting of the new name.
I love the name Eleanor too, classic and beautiful.

You look very young for 58! Defo change it, life is too short (even though I like Wendy)

Agree much more Eleanor Jane than Wendy. Life is too short. Do what makes you happy.

You do actually really suit Eleanor Jane.

Eleanor Jayne really suits the pictures you posted.

I have never liked my name. My siblings have good timeless names and I got saddled with something "fancy" which I have always found excruciating. My dad and brother accepted my nickname, the thing I'm known by everywhere now, but my mum and sister will not. I get quite annoyed that these two won't accept my version of my identity and think they know better. It's indicative of our relationships overall, I think.

You should do what is right for you, but if it helps, the one person I know who has changed her name never looked back, she's so much happier with the name she picked as being right for her.

Go for it Op! Life’s too short.
And having seen your pics (you look fab BTW) I don’t think you look like a Wendy. Defo more Eleanor Jane - lovely name, and a lovely story, honouring your aunt.

My mum has a cousin called Wendy about your age, when it came to christening her the parish priest wouldn't christen her Wendy he said it wasnt a proper name and made them choose a saints name for a first name. She has always been known as Wendy though and she really suits it.

@Redyoyo 🙄 The Priest said it was a non-name. I agree but.... he’s there to baptise CF!!

@Arseit, thank you. It’s so odd to say I don’t “feel” like a whatever but really, I don’t.

@PrincessButtockUp... it seems it’s easier in some ways to change very fundamental things about yourself than to simple change a “label”. I think if I’d said “I want to be a male now” my sister would have taken it better!

I’m not being flippant. There are lots of things about us that “people” expect and when we move away from that norm, their norm for us, they’re somehow personally offended.

It’s JUST a name!

Hi Eleanor! (@TheLadyAnneNeville). You don't look like a W+++y at all and you do look like an Eleanor.
Change your name. You say in the op that " I detest my name ".

@freeingNora. That’s a dreadful legacy to have with a name. At least mine didn’t have that kind of attachment.

Mentioned it to my husband today who thinks I’m potty. Maybe, should change him too (Lockdown Disclaimer:- We are all getting on each other’s nerves 😊).

Hello @MikeUniformMike. Yep, pretty much detest it.

Eleanor would suit you and yes you are beautiful! Josephine also sprang to mind. You could pull off the elegant long version or the more youthful Josie.