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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

319 replies

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:24

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood. Hmm

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/04/2020 19:28

Your DH is being ridiculous. At almost 9 I’d expect a lot of children to not believe in the Easter bunny or Santa Claus for that matter.

We never did the Easter bunny and Father Christmas was just a story for us not told as fact so that they weren’t disappointed when older.

PanicAtTheDiscLo · 11/04/2020 19:28

❤️❤️ no answers but we’ve all been there. Your husband is being a dick.

Irial · 11/04/2020 19:29

Oh for fucks sake, your dh needs to grow up.

All children stop believing in fairytales, to be honest, we didn't even have an Easter bunny in our house.

Windyatthebeach · 11/04/2020 19:30

Prepare for your divorce papers to be served citing you ruined Xmas also...
Grin

FlamingoAndJohn · 11/04/2020 19:30

I didn’t think that the Easter Bunny was a commonly believed thing like Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy.

user1635896324685367 · 11/04/2020 19:31

Is he always this much of a dick?

Would your daughter even be that upset if he wasn't winding her up like this?

Cheerbear23 · 11/04/2020 19:32

DH is being ridiculous, and 9 is too old to believe that a massive bunny delivers the eggs, it’s too far fetched. I think your DD is milking it as she’s got a bit of mileage out of ‘mummy got it wrong’.

Goawayquickly · 11/04/2020 19:32

Your husband needs to have a word with himself, ruined childhood indeed 🙄

MrsJoshNavidi · 11/04/2020 19:32

The Easter Bunny is a fairly new thing. As are Easter presents, and Easter decorations, but that's a whole different thread.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:32

I didnt think the Easter Bunny was a thing either. She still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy. I will never say anything regarding them - I've learned my lesson. DH is being a dick.

OP posts:
Weebitawks · 11/04/2020 19:33

Oh god your DH and to a lesser extend, your DD are being ridiculous. Do you think there's a chance that your daughter has sussed she gets a bit extra attention when she does the sad eyes about this ?

Snowdown24 · 11/04/2020 19:33

I understand everyone’s disappointment, it is hard, but to go at it again a year later....his being ridiculous, if he is that concerned maybe he should have took contirol of the elaborate plan!!!

elliejjtiny · 11/04/2020 19:33

Yanbu. I would think most children know the Easter bunny isn't real quite early on. I worked it out aged about 6 when I got 2 eggs and my friend got 12. We've never done the Easter bunny with our dc and they haven't been bothered either way as long as they get chocolate.

PumpkinPie2016 · 11/04/2020 19:34

YANBU - your husband is being ridiculous. At almost 9, if she were in school at the moment, chances are one of her friends would likely be planting the seed anyway.

Your husband needs to start helping your daughter to have a lovely Easter without the Easter bunny. You/he can always tell her that the Easter bunny is a nice story but that Easter is just as fun when you know it's not real (with egg hunts etc.)

She would have stopped believing eventually anyway, same as she will with Father Christmas.

ScarfLadysBag · 11/04/2020 19:35

Yep, your DH is being a prick. And it doesn't teach resilience for your DD either. She's probably only going on about it because she's found he's receptive to it and indulges it.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:35

I think dd is milking it too. She is finding lock down tough. She misses her friends. She is using it as a justifiable outlet for being sad. I know this, but dh is oblivious. He needed to be positive instead of jumping on the negative which is why I'm pissed off. I haven't told her off at all. Just reminded her that she is lucky.

OP posts:
TheMandalorian · 11/04/2020 19:35

Erm. But the easter bunny isn't a thing. It was invented a few years ago in America (probably).
Your dh is being a massive wierdo about it.
At nearly 9 she was going to find out eventually.
Also I wouldn't let 'd' h get any credit for easter if hes not made it special.
I'd get a bit cross and tell them both if they dont buck up you will donate the eggs to someone more deserving and cancel everything else. Then they can both buffer oddbto an (online) church service.
Stop being a doormat and stop trying to appease this madness.

Shoppingwithmother · 11/04/2020 19:35

Your DH is being absolutely ridiculous. Surely no children really believe in the Easter Bunny?
He is causing her upset by going along with and encouraging the “silly Mummy ruined everything” narrative. He should be supporting you, saying no, the Easter bunny doesn’t exist, it’s just a nice story, etc
Tell him if he doesn’t stop you’ll tell her Father Christmas isn’t real either.

UnhappyMondays · 11/04/2020 19:36

Massively ott behaviour from your DH. I didn’t realise the Easter Bunny was such a “thing”. Here have some Gin probably the stress of lockdown is not helping here!

TheMandalorian · 11/04/2020 19:36
  • both bugger off to
MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2020 19:36

Even though daddy has F all to do with it

I wouldn't be putting up with this bollocks. From either of them actually but mostly DH. Crying and carrying on when there is all the chocolate bought by you. And your DH expecting you to put on a carnival by yourself. Nonsense.

He's teaching her to be self-centred, manipulative and divisive. Nasty nasty nasty. I gave half of DD's chocolate (9 yo) to the foodbank because the cart was empty and I felt awful. She thought that was a great idea.

MouthBreathingRage · 11/04/2020 19:37

I've never known any child to believe in the Easter Bunny like Santa. Certainly not even mentioned beyond the age of 5 either (I know that's more dodgy ground with Santa).

Your husband needs to get a serious grip, and to be perfectly honest I'd have a kind, but firm, word with your daughter about stories for fun and not taking it so seriously (I am assuming she's capable of understanding fairytales?). Mabye talk about being grateful about others making an effort on her behalf.

I think you need to stop being such a martyr as well - theres a line between trying to make something fun and falling over yourself to please your family.

TeacupDrama · 11/04/2020 19:37

to be honest I really don't believe that children truly deep down believe any of this much past 7 maybe 8; they keep up the game don't say in case they don't get anythign but by then they do know that all of the fairy, magic stuff is just that nice fiction fun etc but truly truly believable absolutely true the way the 7 times table is true no they don't
When people say children going to high school still truly truly believe it is 100% real I'm sorry but I really truly don't believe you

DuesToTheDirt · 11/04/2020 19:38

Oh good grief. Your DH needs to get a grip.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 11/04/2020 19:39

Ridiculous overreaction from him, stirring up upset for her. I’m amazed she believed in the first place.