AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

[Whatsername177]

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood.

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

Oh for goodness sakes. I'm sorry, I'd be finding it hard to maintain patience with the child, let alone the man-child, the drama-llama quotient is definitely at the very high end of the charts.

I'd be saying to DH, right matey, since you're the one so passionate about maintaining the magic of childhood, you're in bloody charge of it now, go hard.

Recently my friends daughter same age had a meltdown over finding the easter egg stash as she thought the easter bunny left them not given by parents... I was gobsmacked that children believed in the easter bunny for real. My 5 & 8yo don't, I am not sure that it's ever been a thing for me, I don't think the easter bunny existed when I was a kid.

Your husband is being a dick and your daughter is milking it.

You’ve apologised and made a huge effort (as I’m sure you would’ve anyway) and pretty soon you need to firmly tell them both to get over it, gain perspective and move on. I would have cracked it long before now so you’re a better person than me!

Your h is a dick. He knows that in the next 2/3 years you're going to have the Father Christmas and Tooth Fairy char right?

Incidentally, I can remember the Easter bunny from when I was a child - far too close to 50 years ago. My Mum made lovely Easter baskets from the Easter Bunny. Having older sisters, and being a very painful youngest, I knew from the age of four that we were all having a cute little larf. . .

You’ve apologised and made a huge effort

And I frankly wouldn't bother. He's getting the credit and she's weeping? Pack it all up and send it to the local women's refuge.

I didn't even think children thought there was an Easter bunny. DH is being absolutely ridiculous and I'd leave all the Easter crap to him from now on.

The Easter bunny is not a thing!!! I don’t know anyone who believes in it

Unless she has SN your DD is milking it and manipulating the situation.

And bravo....She is playing you and your NOT so D H like connect 4.

Your husband is delusional and needs to get a grip. Heaven fucking help him when she is 15/16 and drinking, puking and fooling about.

Well then, ask 'D'H what HE is going to do to make tomorrow magical

What a ridiculous drama reaction from your husband. He's actually telling you you have ruined her childhood? Tell him to get a grip - I'm gobsmacked you've put up with this rolling on into this year. If it were me I'd be fuming at him for feeding into her milking it - not exactly the way to build a resilient child is it - with the idea that knowing the Easter bunny isn't rea is childhood ruining. Is that what he wants?

Also - any chance she did actually know the easter bunny wasn't real but said she didn't because your SIL kicked off about it? Are your husband's side of the family normally such drama queens?

Tbh I'd just not do anything more and let your husband make a 'magical' day for her, seeing as he's so obsessed with not 'ruining her childhood'. But let me guess – he does bog-all to do with any of the 'making magic happen' stuff?! Just tell him that as you obviously can't be trusted with Easter stuff, you are letting him take full control. Then just enjoy the day and his ineptitude

I didn’t think that the Easter Bunny was a commonly believed thing like Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy.

Me neither, but like a lot of Americanisms it’s gaining in popularity here. But those who “do” the Easter bunny have to be in a minority.

I think your family are being ridiculous OP.

Also this x 100.
Let this absolute clown you've married sort it out. Christmas and tooth fairy too

I'd be saying to DH, right matey, since you're the one so passionate about maintaining the magic of childhood, you're in bloody charge of it now, go hard.

I agree with teacupdrama. My kids still "believe" but have taken several opportunities to remind me about the Easter bunny by "innocently" mentioning him when I've been writing my shopping lists.

One of my DD's friends has a Dad who just seems overly invested in her being a sweet little princess and comes along and helps her in activities when the other girls are learning independence (or did before lock down obv) . I'm not sure what that's all about, maybe it's a Dad thing.

Your DH is being utterly ridiculous and you should be telling him this stops, now.

She's learning all this dramalamary from her dad. Tell them to get a grip!

Woah. As a kid I had no idea the Easter bunny was even a thing?? Definitely a more recent story, I was just told the story of Easter (y'know, Jesus and FA to do with the Easter bunny), not that my parents are religious, just wanted to make sure I had the historical accurate context! So, no, YANBU. Your DH needs to back you up and stop being a petulant child about it all, your explanation to your DD was perfect and kind to her, she's surely old enough to know this now!

I didn’t know the Easter bunny was a thing. You’ve apologised and that’s enough. Your dh needs to grow up and start saying similar things to what you’ve been saying like she’ll have a lovely day etc.

I must say though, if that’s his biggest problem in this whole lockdown and coronavirus then he’s doing alright!! Tell him to pull up his big boy bunny pants and have a fun day tomorrow.

Or, well, debate 'accurate' I guess but the popular origins of Easter (I suspect there's a huge background I don't know enough about! Before anyone jumps on me ).

I can't believe what a monumental turd your husband is. You're the one who has planned, shopped for and organised all the Easters (and I'm assuming Christmas and birthdays too?) and he thinks he can tell you you have ruined your daughter's childhood? He doesn't get to be furious that your nearly 9 year old daughter is giving him the sad eyes. You get to be furious with him for his astoundingly ridiculous behaviour and his appalling lack of teamwork and loyalty towards you. For the rest of the year, every celebration is on him to make special, magical and wonderful for everybody. Every tooth fairy coin remembered, every advent calendar bought, every candle for the birthday cake remembered. I bet he wouldn't even manage a single one. Honestly, he can jog on. And so can your daughter actually.

He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood

Tell the pillock to piss off. You're supposed to go to all that effort to "reignite" her belief, only for her to find out in the very near future that you lied to her and took her for an idiot? That really is something that could, if not ruin her childhood, at least put a bit of a dent in it.

Sounds like your 'D'H is revelling in having the higher moral ground.
Please, please, please do not apologise or Grover to either of them anymore. You did your humble apologies (unnecessarily IMO) last year. That's enough now.

Yanbu your dh is being ridiculous. Is he going to be such a precious wee poppet when it comes to the "santa chat" too?

Your husband is not a very nice man, and not a very good dad, making a child more upset and less resilient. I guess you know this already.