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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

319 replies

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:24

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood. Hmm

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 11/04/2020 19:58

I take it that in your household all the shopping for DD's Christmas presents, to say nothing of the wrapping, staying up to fill a stocking etc, remembering to leave a carrot out for Rudolf etc, is going to be done by Daddy this year? He's the one who's so keen to preserve the magic of childhood, after all. Give him a knitting pattern for Elf on the Shelf as well.

cansu · 11/04/2020 20:00

I think you need to tell him to stop being so pathetic. I would also not be apologising to your dd. If there are any more sad eyes. I would be telling her that there will be no Easter activities or eggs at all. Your dd is milking it for attention and the reason is probably because she knows that everyone over reacts when she does.

riceuten · 11/04/2020 20:00

I massively upset my nephew (aged 9) who I inadvertently told that the Easter Bunny and Father Xmas didn't exist.

But frankly, I didn't feel guilty in the least. At 9, really, you should know better. A woman I worked with didn't tell her son till he was 11, and then only because he was going to secondary school and she was worried he would have the mickey taken if he believed in them. In common with most of my peer group, I started having doubts at 6 years old

Gettingo · 11/04/2020 20:00

Give him a knitting pattern for Elf on the Shelf as well

Grin lmao

gamerchick · 11/04/2020 20:01

When all is quiet tonight, I'd be cornering that bloke of yours and asking him what his fucking problem is. The bairns milking it as you've spotted and he's also taking his shit out on you as well for whatever reason.

You are nobodies whipping boy OP. Stand up for yourself or you'll get no pleasures in tomorrow while your bloke takes the credit.

riceuten · 11/04/2020 20:01

I've ruined her childhood

Christ, get a grip. It's hardly on a par with physical abuse.

LookTheOtherWayPlease · 11/04/2020 20:01

Children can be like this. Your DH is the one at fault. He should be laughing this off or distracting her, not indulging her nonsense. Does he want to raise a brat?

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 11/04/2020 20:04

There is no way at almost 9yrs of age your daughter genuinely believes in the Easter bunny etc, sounds like she is hoping to wangle some extra eggs/attention by playing up to your DH's ridiculousness. He is being massively unfair. Also, if making such a fuss about the Easter bunny is so very important to him, why hasn't he been scurrying about organising Easter treats for your kid?

Carouselfish · 11/04/2020 20:04

I didn't think it was a common thing that children believed in. Can your husband please explain the backstory? Who is the Easter Bunny? Why does he hide eggs in the garden? I just thought it was a vague symbol of Easter like chicks and daffodils, not a believable character and important part of childhood.

Serenity45 · 11/04/2020 20:05

Your DH sounds like a prick (especially if he's never contributed to making Easter special!). And him indulging your DD in this way is potentially going to help turn her into a spoilt entitled little brat. YANBU!

mbosnz · 11/04/2020 20:05

Mine were fine (at roughly the same age) with finding out Father Christmas wasn't real. Ditto, the Easter Bunny. But apparently the bloody tooth fairy was a step too far?! (And she was the most unreliable, since they always seemed to lose teeth on a Friday Evening, resulting in a whoops, there's the coin it slid down the side of the bed as we were slightly bleary eyed of a Monday morning. . .

Wewearpinkonwednesdays · 11/04/2020 20:06

I would tell dh to fuck off. Sounds like they are both enjoying it.

Becuna · 11/04/2020 20:09

I have not RTFT but your DH is a dick. Tell him to do everything that kiddies need, tooth fairy, Santa every fucking single thing that the mum does. Every fucking year.

Original poster
Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 20:09

Thanks everyone. I've already told DH he is being a massive twunt. Definitely no apologises. Dd has had a good sob at bedtime- not about Easter but because she misses her grandparents and is scared people will die from Coronavirus. The Easter bunny thing was a misnomer. She isnt great at voicing her feelings so I think she only said the Easter Bunny thing because she didn't know how to express herself. Dh has made it a million times worse by being a dramalama. I'm really pissed off with him right now.

OP posts:
missyB1 · 11/04/2020 20:12

I think your dh has deliberately manipulated this whole thing to have a pop at you for some reason. Ask wtf his problem is.

TeamLannister · 11/04/2020 20:12

Does your DH undermine you a lot? The whole thing is so utterly ridiculous it makes me wonder if it's just an excuse to have a go at you. If not then he's unhinged.

The Easter bunny is nonsense anyway, I didn't realise it was a thing so I didn't do it with my DD. When my sister told me her eldest DD still believed in it a couple of years ago I thought she was taking the piss...

Tiredmum100 · 11/04/2020 20:12

My dc are 6 and 8. They know I'm the Easter bunny!! It's bad enough keeping up the pretence of santa. They enjoy and egg hunt and that's it! We usually have family over but obviously that's not happening this year. I would tell your husband if he's so bothered he can be the flipping bunny and sort everything next year!!

Nogoodusername · 11/04/2020 20:13

There’s no way she believe the Easter Bunny was real last year, let alone this year. It’s not like Santa, or even the Tooth Fairy I don’t think. There’s also no way someone in her class didn’t tell her by year 2 whatever, at almost 9 she must be year 4?

Custardcreamies101 · 11/04/2020 20:13

Never grew up with Easter bunny. Didn’t realise it was a thing either. At her age she is old enough to know Santa isn’t real let alone Easter bunny.

mbosnz · 11/04/2020 20:15

It's really good that she was able to verbalise what she is truly worried about. It's not an easy time for anyone, kids or parents. But your DH is not helping, when he is encouraging her to ramp up her misplaced emotions, and acting in a way that is divisive between the two of you, and you and your daughter.

It would be nice if he could reflect on what he's contributed to the situation, and just how positive or constructive it's been.

whateverhappenstheremore · 11/04/2020 20:17

I think 9 year olds know that isn't real they are just worried if they say it they may not get eggs etc. Have to say though I didn't think the Easter bunny was a thing either !!

CallmeAngelina · 11/04/2020 20:17

The Easter bunny has fuck all to do with Easter.
Your husband is an idiot.

Pukkatea · 11/04/2020 20:18

Add me to the crowd who didn't realise actual belief in an easter bunny was a thing...

gluteustothemaximus · 11/04/2020 20:19

You don't have an Easter Bunny problem, you have a DH problem.

reluctantbrit · 11/04/2020 20:21

DD is 12, nearly 13. She knows the truth about the Easter Bunny, Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy since she is 9.

And they still come to the house, we never stopped anything. Tomorrow she has to hunt for eggs and two small surprise presents like she did in the last years. We always hid small eggs and bunnies, never did the big Easter Eggs as in Germany they are presents for adults, not for kids.

I am 47 and my mum still sends the Easter Bunny to me. When Igrew up in Germany the Easter Bunny (Osterhase) was always a big thing so hardly anything new.