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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

319 replies

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:24

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood. Hmm

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

OP posts:
LadyEloise · 12/04/2020 19:12

A lot of posters missed your post OP which explained that your daughter's distress was really due to worry about the current pandemic and its implications.

bellabasset · 12/04/2020 19:26

I remember my dm - and other mothers of my fellow pupils - getting very upset with another mother who didn't believe in children being told about Santa and her child told the whole class he didn't exist. I was 5.

My dm said that it was harmless but fun for not only the child but the parents enjoyed it.But by the time children get to 7 or 8 most of them know the tooth fairy or Santa doesn't exist. We still enjoy celebrating holidays as a family, that's what's important

SunshineOverStress · 12/04/2020 19:27

I’m 28 and didn’t know the Easter bunny was an actual thing... I just thought Easter was for Easter eggs... ShockGrin

ddl1 · 12/04/2020 19:40

I think most children of your dd's age know that the Easter Bunny is a story. Maybe at 4 or 5 they might believe it, but not 8 or 9. I don't think I ever did believe it - I just enjoyed it as a story and I liked eating Easter eggs. Perhaps your dd is really upset because holidays such as Easter are no longer the social occasions that they are in normal times, and she is blaming the Easter bunny's absence for what is really caused by this bloody virus? At any rate, your dh should not be harping on it and accusing you of 'ruining her childhood'. Childhoods are not ruined by not believing in a particular story.

MigginsMs · 12/04/2020 19:46

Ridiculous. My kids are too big now but we never did the Easter Bunny even when they were small. I have no idea when it became a thing on a par with Santa but it’s never been anything we’ve bought into

louise5754 · 12/04/2020 19:50

For me it became a thing in 1984 so not exactly new

MigginsMs · 12/04/2020 19:53

Good for you @louise5754 but I think it’s a lot of nonsense, never done it for my kids nor would It cross my mind it would be on a par with Santa, some people really do buy into any old shite just for the sake of it

CarolefeckinBaskin · 12/04/2020 19:57

Following your update...
There's nothing wrong with your parenting OP. NOTHING!
It's your fuckwit husband who is the issue.

powershowerforanhour · 12/04/2020 19:57

It's a pity that the full Vicar of Dibley Easter bunny episode isn't available online for your DD to watch. It has everything you need here- death, community spirit, belief, Alice "growing up" (sort of), some laughs and a happy ending.

louise5754 · 12/04/2020 19:57

Just because your parents didn't do it for you don't knock others that did

PardonWhat · 12/04/2020 20:00

I think it’s a lot of nonsense, never done it for my kids nor would It cross my mind it would be on a par with Santa, some people really do buy into any old shite just for the sake of it

How can you say it’s ‘any old shite’ whilst advocating ‘Santa’. Just because it’s not something you’re family do doesn’t make it negative or you superior.
My daughter believes in the Easter bunny, so did I and so did my mum.

TroysMammy · 12/04/2020 20:05

Your DH is an arse. I'm not religious but hasn't Easter got something to do with the resurrection of Jesus, not a sodding rabbit?

Namechange4nowt45 · 12/04/2020 20:11

Yanbu, your dd is milking the attention, its just what kids do. Your dh needs to get a grip Hmm

TopShelf · 12/04/2020 20:12

Fast forward 20 years and I can imagine you and your DD will be laughing about what a nightmare she was at Easter.
And you'll be saying not for the first time what a complete arsehole her daddy was and asking her if he's still living alone.

Namechange4nowt45 · 12/04/2020 20:16

My dd figured out before I told her the truth, I can only push it so far because kids today aren't daft. My dd said why does the eggs have shop or brand names on them such as m&a etc and shes not stupid so I told her I said you are correct it's a fairytale etc but please keep it secret dont tell your freinds because it will upset them and probably their parents so dd winks at me when we do the egg hunt with her sister. I actually think its insulting to keep lying and stretching the truth to keep your kids happy they aren't daft.

Meaniebobeanie · 12/04/2020 20:21

Your husband is being ridiculous no wonder your daughter is acting up

ForInstance · 12/04/2020 20:37

Get your revenge on DH by telling him he is responsible for having the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with her when the time comes; you wouldn’t want to f- it up. Grin

TimeForDinnerDinnerDinner · 12/04/2020 22:13

I'm trying to change the dynamic between dh and me. I've had enough of his childish behaviour. I refuse to indulge his shit any longer. so pleased to hear OP say this. It can take many, many years to get to this point. Keep being strong Flowers

nicky7654 · 12/04/2020 22:56

I think the whole situation is rediculous. Your Husband is playing games and turning your daughter against you. Tell them both to grow up or your bin all the eggs !!! Is your Husband normally this way with you???

Lynda07 · 13/04/2020 03:58

Does your husband really believe in the Easter bunny?

PerkyPomPoms · 13/04/2020 10:30

I’m glad you going to push back on his behaviour

Lalala89 · 13/04/2020 12:45

MrsNoah2020

Any n/t child who believes in the Easter bunny after the age of 4 is an imbecile. If your DD really believed until last year, she clearly has her father's intellect

This is a disgusting thing to say about a child. Absolutely disgusting

drunkyhumptydumpty · 13/04/2020 14:05

@MrsNoah2020

Any n/t child who believes in the Easter bunny after the age of 4 is an imbecile. If your DD really believed until last year, she clearly has her father's intellect

And yet grown ass adults believing in a magic Sky Daddy is fine.

You sound like you lack significant intellect

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/04/2020 14:08

He’s a fuxking bellend

Easter bunny ! We never did that shit

He is a twat and is clearly angry about something and using this as an excuse

Fuck them all , take some
Time
For yourself

Incrediblytired · 13/04/2020 14:12

I didn’t know the Easter Bunny was something to be believed in!

Regardless...you should def be forgiven- it’s a year!