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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

319 replies

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:24

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood. Hmm

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

OP posts:
AnPo · 11/04/2020 20:49

The Easter bunny is not a thing!!!

People always say this but it clearly is "a thing" Hmm

I'm almost 36 and we had the Easter bunny growing up. As did all my friends if I recall correctly.

Fruitdeleloop · 11/04/2020 20:49

Eurgh this takes me right back to xmas eve where dd woke up and asked me if santa had been and I said no and she asked why her stocking was full then. Thinking on the spot I said " oh that's from us isn't it honey" .... knowing full well previous years we had just let them assume it was from FC.

DH overheard and leaped in trying to make some elaborate story that A) was further waking them up and B) insulted her intelligence for an 8 yo.
I glared daggers and ushered him out of the room and tried to cover tracks even more with dd but felt at that point DH had really screwed me and her belief was already hanging in the balance a bit.

DH was so cross with me and kept going on and on for the rest of the night and yet I felt he was the one who had been a ginormous idiot.

Anyways, OP, your DH needs to get over it. His behaviour is feeding into your childs upset and fanning flames.

CaptSkippy · 11/04/2020 20:50

YANBU in that your husband is acting like a dick, but why did you wait so long to tell your daughter the aster bunny is not real?

In fact why lie to your daughter at all? I think it's kind of cruel to make kids believe something that isn't real. They should know what's wat as soon as they are able to understand it, otherwise they are in for a rude awaking.

Cosyblanky · 11/04/2020 20:50

Is the Easter bunny a Christian?

tabernacles · 11/04/2020 20:51

I think it's better to treat those things as a story from the start, rather than pretending they're real.

That's what we've done with the Chanukah Fairy and the Tooth Fairy. It doesn't stop my daughter enjoying them or the festival/experience, and then there's no disappointment (or worse; some children feel betrayed) when they find out it isn't true.

Fruitdeleloop · 11/04/2020 20:52

Captskippy, really? You don't do FC or tooth fairy for example? What a joyless childhood!

Cosyblanky I've always just assumed it was the way non Christians found a way to celebrate Easter..chocolate 😂

LookTheOtherWayPlease · 11/04/2020 20:55

In fact why lie to your daughter at all? I think it's kind of cruel to make kids believe something that isn't real.

She said she never did tell her DD the Easter Bunny was real. it sounds like her DD got swept up in the melodrama of her cousin's reaction, and now it's being used to bash OP with.

mbosnz · 11/04/2020 20:55

Well, we've managed to get through FC, EB and TF without them needing therapy. Phew. . . thank God that was all they (and we) had to worry about. . .

CroissantsAtDawn · 11/04/2020 20:56

I have a 6 and an 8 year old. Ive had to tell both of them at different times during lockdown that adults can be hurt too - either by words or by actions. They are definitely old enough to know that.

Id tell your DD that you made a mistake but that it's mean to keep punishing you for it and that you're not her punching bag (or words to that effect).

Your DH is ridiculous.

snowegg · 11/04/2020 20:57

I think you've rightly figured out that your DD is projecting a load of other fears onto this. Now you just need to find out what your DH is really in a lather about. And perhaps mention to him that we're all feeling a bit stressed and apt to flip about irrational things. Tell him you forgive him and see how that plays Grin. Oh, and while you're at it tell him you need a bit of support sometimes.

Rosebel · 11/04/2020 20:57

I am majorly pissed off that SIL told my daughter's about the Easter bunny as,I never planned for it to be a thing. Unfortunately as youngest has autism she is convinced Easter bunny, tooth fairy and Father Christmas are all real and she's 11. Going to have to tell her after Christmas this year and know she'll be really upset. My eldest worked out at about 8 years none them were real.
It's good you got to the bottom of why your daughter was upset but tell your husband to grow up and that he's doing Christmas this year.

Queenoftheashes · 11/04/2020 20:57

Is the Easter bunny even a thing?

phoenixrosehere · 11/04/2020 20:58

Captskippy, really? You don't do FC or tooth fairy for example? What a joyless childhood!

Yes, because believing in those two things make up the entire part of childhood.

🙄

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 11/04/2020 20:59

We've never done the Easter bunny thing in our house, never even knew it was a thing until I was in my 30's when I had little ones, still didn't bother though just handed them eggs on easter sunday morning.

TacosTuesday · 11/04/2020 21:00

I've heard of the Easter Bunny but never as the bringer of eggs in a Santa way. You're not being U, your H is! Never heard kids in our area speak of the Easter Bunny in this way, don't think it's that widespread as a Thing and flipping hope it doesn't end up being so.

TwistyHair · 11/04/2020 21:02

Hope it gets resolved. Sounds like you’ve had a good chat with your daughter. No idea why your husband feels the need to shit stir like this.

QuestionMarkNow · 11/04/2020 21:02

Your DH has no idea of child psychology to say the least.
And as ‘WE need to find a way to make her believe again’... what is he proposing? What is HIS solution and did all his placating helped in any shape or form?

Bottom line is: he sees his dd upset, wants to make it better but can’t so is making it all your fault instead....

CaptSkippy · 11/04/2020 21:03

Yes, we did easter and other celebrations at my house, but without the lies. My parents always told us straight up how things are. Truth and facts along with parties were always very important. These are not mutually exclusive.

@Fruitdeleloop Why are you making assumptions about other people's childhood?

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 11/04/2020 21:04

TheMandalorian
It's probably said already, but in my culture the Easter bunny has been a thing for centuries, though in some regions it was the fox who brought the eggs.

B0bbin · 11/04/2020 21:04

I'm not going through the whole easter bunny thing with ds. Didn't know it was such a thing...Confused

louise5754 · 11/04/2020 21:05

Everyone saying is Easter bunny a thing? Obviously in your family it wasn't. It's how you are brought up. I wish people wouldn't keep saying it's new or from America. If people want to create a little "magic" for their kids let them.

Marmite27 · 11/04/2020 21:05

It’s not an ‘Americanism’ unless Yorkshire has been annexed by the USA.

As an 80’s child, the Easter bunny existed for me. My DH’s parents are from another European country, and they had the Easter bunny too.

I do think this has become a stick to beat the OP with though. I wouldn’t apologise again and just let the DH & DD get on with their histrionics.

louise5754 · 11/04/2020 21:06

@Marmite27 maybe it's just a Yorkshire thing Grin

emeraldrain · 11/04/2020 21:08

Captskippy, really? You don't do FC or tooth fairy for example? What a joyless childhood!

Growing up, Christmas for me consisted of my parents and I putting on silly hats, sitting around the fireplace, and opening up presents we got for each other. Even from a young age, I remember my dad taking me out shopping to get someone for my mum. He'd pick the item and I'd pick the colour/design (he had the last say of course but I didn't know that then). My mum did the same for my dad, and they both did the same for me.

Urging them to open their presents and watching them put on the scarf/jumper I picked was amazing. No FC involved there. I don't remember anyone discussing FC in school either. Maybe it was a different time?

For you to think FC/TF are key components to a 'joyful' childhood is honestly pretty shortsighted and condescending.

coffeandcake30 · 11/04/2020 21:08

Ohh gosh he needs to forget about it. I personally think 8 years old is too old to be believing in Easter bunnies and Father Christmas...in a hard faced cow though. Think you've dealt with it well, YOU make the weekend special, not some imaginary rabbit

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