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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to not want to still be being punished for this a year on?

319 replies

Whatsername177 · 11/04/2020 19:24

About 14 months ago, I mistakenly assumed my dd (who was 7, nearly 8) knew there was no such thing as the Easter bunny. We had never really 'done' the Easter bunny. Just egg hunts and chocolate. She seemed non plussed, but then told her cousin who was upset. SIL was furious. I apologised to SIL. I spoke to dd, who told me she had believed in the Easter bunny until I told her it wasnt real. I felt terrible and apologised. Dd was upset, DH was furious with me. I felt awful, ate lots of humble pie. I got it wrong. A few weeks later we had a lovely Easter nonetheless.

Fast forward to this year, dd (now 8, nearly 9) has been crying to dh that she is upset because she now knows the Easter bunny isnt real. She actually said 'I still believe in the Easter bunny, I just know it doesnt visit this house'. DH is once again furious with me. She keeps crying and he keeps telling her it is ok and she can believe if she wants and trying to placate her by repeating how wrong mummy was. She feels very hard done by and I'm getting grumpy face and sad eyes from her.

I feel really pissed off - I have pulled out all of the stops this year to make Easter fun in lockdown. Shes going to have a lovely day tomorrow. We have been talking about the Easter Egg hunt and how exciting it all is. Despite my feelings, I have tried to be very gentle to sort things out and make her feel better - I asked her if she had a nice Easter last year. She said yes. I asked her why - who made it lovely. She said 'you and daddy'. I then said that we would do the same this year because we wanted her to have a lovely time and the only difference is that she knows it is mummy and daddy who make it special. (Even though daddy has F all to do with it). I said it was fine for her to be sad, but she should realise that she isnt going to miss out on anything because mummy has done everything she can to make things special and if she chooses to stay sad she risks missing out on the fun.

Anyway, DH is now even more furious with me. He says we should have come up with an elaborate scheme to 'reignite' her belief and that I've ruined her childhood. Hmm

I feel really pissed off. I fucked up a year ago. I am sorry. But I do everything for my kids. I always go a little bit extra for them. I feel like it's unfair to be flogged once again for my one mistake. Dd is 8. I know I can't hold it against her. But dh could be more helpful and less judgy.

AIBU to expect to be forgiven?

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 11/04/2020 20:24

Just don't say anything about the Great Pumpkin.

VenusClapTrap · 11/04/2020 20:26

I can remember going to stay at my cousins’ house for Easter one year, when I was about the same age as your dd.

In our house, Easter was very low key - we got an Easter egg of our choice from our parents, and one from grandparents. They would be waiting on the kitchen table at breakfast time. That was it (and it was great).

That year at my cousins’, we woke up to find a pile of stuff at the bottom of the bed - Easter eggs, gifts, soft toys, books about Jesus etc. I can remember feeling really bemused by my cousin shouting ‘the Easter bunny’s been!’ and thinking WTAF, as she apparently genuinely believed this. I knew Easter was quite important to them, because they were very religious, but the idea of believing in an Easter bunny just seemed completely batshit to me, even at 8 years old.

This was, oof, nearly forty years ago, so clearly some people have been doing the Easter bunny thing for quite a while. But your dd really really isn’t having her childhood ruined by knowing the truth, and your Dh is an idiot for indulging such drama.

I’m glad I’ve followed my parents’ example and kept things low key. All the OTT nonsense some people tie themselves in knots over at Easter and Christmas more often than not seems to result in drama and disappointment.

Bookoffacts · 11/04/2020 20:27

Easter bunny isn't as well believed as santa. My 11 yo still believes in santa. Also many yr 7s do btw especially in nice areas. I know this from teaching.
Not so much the easter bunny. Not for years and not really even then. Easter bunny is make believe like Halloween. However Santa is sacrosanct and only goes when the 'kevin the teenager' years arrive.

phoenixrosehere · 11/04/2020 20:27

YANBU.

I’d pull him up and ask wtf has he done to make the Easter special? What has he contributed? Also, how is telling her the Easter Bunny isn’t real ruining her childhood? What malarkey!

I had the Easter Bunny as a kid, but we received baskets from our parents and took pictures with it. That was it! I was more interested with what the Easter Bunny had to do with Jesus.

1Morewineplease · 11/04/2020 20:28

So your husband wants your nigh on 9 year old to believe in the Easter bunny? Jeez! Were she still at school right now she’d be laughed out of the classroom.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 11/04/2020 20:30

Oh ffs. 2 years and she will be in secondary school. She goes to secondary believing in father Christmas and the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy, she'll be slaughtered. One boy with SEN in our school still believed in Santa in year 7 and he was bullied relentlessly until he left for college. You're doing her a favour.

ProfessorPollington · 11/04/2020 20:31

Ffs your DH is well out of order! I would be amazed if she hadn't been told at school at that age. Honestly he needs to get a grip.

Covert20 · 11/04/2020 20:34

Year 7s who believe in Santa?! 🤣 No capacity for critical thought then...

andannabegins · 11/04/2020 20:36

My DD10 still believes in the Easter bunny and so do her 2 best friends. She is a very magical/fantastical soul, loves Santa, the Easter bunny, fairies and is a big fan of Elves. We are currently sat watching Hop before she goes to bed. She loves Easter almost as much as Christmas. I have no idea why we haven't particularly encouraged it.

Flower1309 · 11/04/2020 20:37

Tell him to get a grip. I'm confused why you apologized to your sil? What's it got to do with her? Or is she just as dramatic as her brother.

fairlyplump · 11/04/2020 20:37

I dont want to sound mean, but I think your DD is being a little madam, and playing you and hubby, at 9 she should be old enough to know their is no such thing as Easter bunny, my granddaughter is 5 and there is no way you could tell her it was real, she would never believe you!

Flower1309 · 11/04/2020 20:38

Oh sorry I missed the cousin bit. Still dramatic tho.

nicerainyweather · 11/04/2020 20:38

I'd be unhappy with your DD too. Almost 9 is too old to believe in that stuff. She's just trying to make you feel bad.

underneaththeash · 11/04/2020 20:40

We've never done the Easter bunny either - the children go to the supermarket and choose their eggs (or this year they told me which egg they wanted.)

I have done with same with a friend's child though, I laughed when she asked one of my children in front of hers "what is the Easter Bunny bringing you?" She got really annoyed with me. I don't know anyone else though that does Easter bunny stuff, I thought it was an American thing.

PardonWhat · 11/04/2020 20:41

Jesus Christ. What a martyr without a cause your husband is 😴

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 11/04/2020 20:41

She still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy

No, she seriously doesn't .

Accept presents and the £1 coin yes .
But not actual Believe believe .

louise5754 · 11/04/2020 20:41

Does no ones anyone's kids actually believe in Easter bunny? My 8 year old does. It's not a "new" thing at all. I'm 35 and Easter bunny brought all our eggs.

nicerainyweather · 11/04/2020 20:41

I have to admit that my DD insisted that the Easter Bunny was real, even after she found out about Father Christmas. I told her the truth though.

lmcneil003 · 11/04/2020 20:42

Own your actions.
You screwed up last year, end of.
How others react to it is not your business.

Chillicheese123 · 11/04/2020 20:43

Jesus Christ your dd sounds a nervous wreck. 9? I mean yes it’s still little but it’s old enough to get over this

PardonWhat · 11/04/2020 20:43

louise5754

My 5 year old believes in the Easter bunny. If she hasn’t worked out it’s bullshit by 9/10 I’d be worried for her critical thinking.

I think there’s a lot of clever children and naive parents on here!

Dishwashersaurous · 11/04/2020 20:43

I honestly don’t know anyone who has believed in the Easter bunny, or had it as a thing

And I know a lot of children

PardonWhat · 11/04/2020 20:44

Dishwashersaurous

It was certainly a think when I was a child - and all of my friends believed in it too.

nellythenarwhal · 11/04/2020 20:47

My kids thought Easter Bunny was a cartoon/movie character and so did I. All we cared about was getting some chocolate.

Your poor dd. She did well to admit what she is really upset about and it's understandable Sad

I hope that your h is the one doing all the cooking, buying and organizing for tomorrow seeing as it's so important to him. I can't believe he used the phrase "ruined her childhood" over ONE mistake. Is he Mr Perfect?

louise5754 · 11/04/2020 20:48

@PardonWhat she's nearly 8 not 9/10 I do have a nearly 10 year old.