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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DH

202 replies

fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:25

Hello all. Hope you and your families are all well.

My DH did our two weekly shop this afternoon and we decided to get a few bits and bobs for his elderly parents as they can’t go out to the shops due to the lockdown and the virus.

We have no problem with this as we’d rather they were indoors and as safe as possible but DH paid for their items and isn’t asking them to reimburse him.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I asked him about it and he called me a pathetic cold bitch because I think it’s acceptable to ask for the money back when they’re elderly.

How is this cold? I get that they’re elderly but we can’t afford to pay for their shopping for the next 12 weeks

OP posts:
Sunnydaysrock · 10/04/2020 20:27

I'd be more annoyed/worried that he called you that name than him not asking for the money, that's horrible.

Cornishmumofone · 10/04/2020 20:27

It depends on what it was/the cost. I'd never worry about the cost of buying a few bits and bobs for my mum... but couldn't afford to spend £40 on her shopping each week.

Crunchymum · 10/04/2020 20:28

How much did it amount to and can you afford it?

Crunchymum · 10/04/2020 20:28

Agree there is absolutely no need for name calling though Shock

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:29

It was about £20 altogether for their items

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 10/04/2020 20:29

How much are you talking about? Will it leave you short got your own shopping/bills? Does he normally talk to you like that if he disagrees with what you've said?

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 10/04/2020 20:29

He called you a pathetic cold bitch? Wow, he sounds lovely! The paying/not paying for shopping kinda pales next to that tbh.

rhowton · 10/04/2020 20:31

I could never in a million years ask for money from my parents for any shopping. But I can understand others would.

ineedsun · 10/04/2020 20:31

Depending on the context, although the wording felt harsh to you. If you can afford it, he's not wrong.

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:33

@ineedsun how though? Why should I pay for somebody else’s shopping? If I asked somebody to get me bits and bobs at the shop I’d pay the person back

OP posts:
Springtime003 · 10/04/2020 20:33

I would be wanting him to pay if you can afford your bills

Cheeserton · 10/04/2020 20:33

That name is wholly unacceptable. I'm guessing though that the conversation didn't just proceed with you mentioning it and he immediately calling you that. What did you actually say?

Springtime003 · 10/04/2020 20:34

It’s not somebody else Random it’s his parents !!! This can’t be serious

PrettyTricky · 10/04/2020 20:35

He was an arse to call you that, but £20 for elderly parents shopping isn't unreasonable. I would never ask my parents to reimburse that.

Oysterbabe · 10/04/2020 20:35

The name calling is not acceptable but I'd pissed off if my husband was annoyed at me spending £20 on my parents.

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:35

@Springtime003 I don’t earn enough to fund another person’s shopping! Why can’t they pay their own!!

As I said, I’ve no problem getting things for them but I expect the money back unless it was something that didn’t cost very much

OP posts:
Thehop · 10/04/2020 20:35

Of you can afford it then I think he should be allowed to do theor shopping if he wants and not ask for the money. It’s his parents for goodness sake!

But

Absolutely no way should he call you those names.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 10/04/2020 20:36

Hmm I am with him. I too suspect you left out some info about conversation and most likely a some background

ineedsun · 10/04/2020 20:36

That's where we differ, I'd always pay but would never ask for money back from family or good friends if I could afford it.

I'd (and do) happily shop for others and never ask for money back unless it was a stranger I was helping in a voluntary capacity.

AliasGrape · 10/04/2020 20:36

I wouldn’t ask for the money for a few bits but wouldn’t be able to afford their big shop on top of ours so would expect the money for that.

The name calling is the bigger issue though.

Whatsthekey · 10/04/2020 20:37

I think you are cold and unreasonable. He shouldn't swear at you though. They are his parents and raised him. Paying for their shopping for 12 weeks at £20 fortnightly is a lovely thing to do if you can afford to. I am not well off in the slightest but i would give half of my weekly shopping to my parents or in-laws or anyone i loved and cared for if they needed it.

Mayhemmumma · 10/04/2020 20:38

Unless you're really struggling financially I think yabu.

I ask my husband to buy stuff for my mum and dont even think to ask about the fact he pays, we are not rich - broke possibly soon....but we are buying a few essentials to stop her going to the shops and to make her feel less alone.

I'm with your husband unless theres more to it financially.

newbingepisodes · 10/04/2020 20:39

There's got to be more to this - I've just had a delivery from a DIY company and FIL has a leaky tap so I added some bits on for him - about £60 I won't expect the money back, he will probably offer but I won't take it. I can afford it, what's the problem.

RJnomore1 · 10/04/2020 20:39

You said you decided to get the things, so did you decide to or did they ask you to?

I’d never think of asking for the money in either circumstance but £20 can be a hell of a lot for some people.

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:39

oh yeah okay. So why should I pay somebody’s shopping for them for 12 weeks? They do get a pension. They’d be paying for their shopping in normal circumstances anyway

OP posts: