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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DH

202 replies

fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:25

Hello all. Hope you and your families are all well.

My DH did our two weekly shop this afternoon and we decided to get a few bits and bobs for his elderly parents as they can’t go out to the shops due to the lockdown and the virus.

We have no problem with this as we’d rather they were indoors and as safe as possible but DH paid for their items and isn’t asking them to reimburse him.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I asked him about it and he called me a pathetic cold bitch because I think it’s acceptable to ask for the money back when they’re elderly.

How is this cold? I get that they’re elderly but we can’t afford to pay for their shopping for the next 12 weeks

OP posts:
blossomberry · 10/04/2020 20:50

YABVU

Anoisagusaris · 10/04/2020 20:50

Yeah your last post isn’t really painting you in a better light 😆

You don’t sound very nice at all.

ineedsun · 10/04/2020 20:51

Why full of crap? Because people disagree with you?

Just because you have a different set of values, doesn't mean other people are lying or wrong.

sunfloweryy · 10/04/2020 20:51

Do people’s parents really not offer to pay them back for groceries and things? I never ask but my parents always insist! I’d always insist too if someone was doing me a favour, rude not to!

duletty · 10/04/2020 20:51

Absolutely not acceptable to be spoken to like that

It’s also rude to ask for money when you have bought something for someone (wait until offered) and they may have thought it was a gesture of kindness in the present circumstances

I would be very upset at the name calling

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2020 20:51

My parents are self isolating for the duration. My 18 year old who is currently furloughed and being paid 80% of her 8 hour week contract has just made up an isolation treat box for them, consisting of some chocolates, a couple of minature drinks, a puzzle, a book each, and some dreamies for their cat. It's called having some empathy and loving your family. Try it some time.

supersop60 · 10/04/2020 20:51

If my DC were shopping for me, I wouldn't dream of asking them to pay for me.
Especially if it was going to be every week for 12 weeks.
Your DH is vvU

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:51

How am I cold?? FUCK!

If it was £3 then I’d pay for it.

But £20 every single week? Why on Earth should we pay that? If they paid that for us they’d ask for it back

OP posts:
Amymayapple · 10/04/2020 20:51

@fourpeasinapod but it is his money not yours.

So how on earth are YOU paying for it?

Lefkosia · 10/04/2020 20:52

Oi Billy Bullshitter you said "DH and I decided to get them some bits" and now you don't like the answers, suddenly you've been shopping for them for weeks already?

Amymayapple · 10/04/2020 20:52

I thought you said it was 20 pounds every two weeks, not every week

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 10/04/2020 20:53

I just want to let people know that you can change your Yabu and YANBU vote up there😂 I suspect few might want to

Baxdream · 10/04/2020 20:53

We've bought things for my parents and my in-laws. It's a kind thing to do...! I wouldn't expect the money

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:53

It’s not DH’s money. He uses my credit card for the shopping so it is actually my money

OP posts:
Triggahippy · 10/04/2020 20:54

Yanbu imo
Fine to go to the shop, not find for him to pay unless there is a back story like you are significantly better off than them and they are really struggling. They are rude to allow you to

Bloke23 · 10/04/2020 20:54

I personally wouldn't ask for the money, we have been picking stuff up for our elderly neighbour, comes to no more than £10 when ever i go shopping, never ask for money even if she insist

Amymayapple · 10/04/2020 20:54

@fourpeasinapod. Okay I understand now.

Solve this, by making sure you pay at the end. Don't give him your credit card again

CaffeineInfusion · 10/04/2020 20:55

You don't like your in laws, do you?

Look on the bright side. The odd 20 quid isn't going to keep them well fed and nourished for long. You might not even get to the 12 weeks.

🤐

Gtugccbjb · 10/04/2020 20:56

I think you’re being tight as fuck.

CircleofWillis · 10/04/2020 20:57

You keep saying "I can't afford". Are you the only one earning at the moment?

£20 every other week for 12 weeks adds up to £120. Which might be affordable or completely out of reach for you.

Without knowing your financial circumstances I couldn't say if he is being unreasonable or not. However, bear in mind that he is probably feeling anxious and worried about his parents at the moment and paying for their shopping is one way he can feel he is looking after them when he probably can't look after them in the way he really wants to.

If it really is causing financial hardship, have a calm discussion with him. He shouldn't have called you a cold bitch. That is unacceptable.

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:57

I do like my in laws.

Doesn’t mean I think it’s ok to pay their shopping for them. We will get it for them but I expect the money returned

OP posts:
seaofbleu · 10/04/2020 20:58

Don't let him have your credit card. Your DH can pay for it himself.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 10/04/2020 20:58

Is it not family money? DH and I have separate bank accounts but our money is shared and I don't resent spending on his family just as he wouldn't resent spending on mine.

I appreciate that not everyone operates the same way, but to have built up this kind of resentment doesn't seem healthy at all OP.

Him calling you a bitch isn't ok. He was a dick. But you decided to pick up some bits and bobs for his elderly parents - they didn't ask you to.

fairlyplump · 10/04/2020 20:58

If he earns it and wants to pay for his parents small food bill, who are you to tell him he can't!

Amymayapple · 10/04/2020 20:59

Why give him your credit card?

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