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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DH

202 replies

fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 20:25

Hello all. Hope you and your families are all well.

My DH did our two weekly shop this afternoon and we decided to get a few bits and bobs for his elderly parents as they can’t go out to the shops due to the lockdown and the virus.

We have no problem with this as we’d rather they were indoors and as safe as possible but DH paid for their items and isn’t asking them to reimburse him.

AIBU to be annoyed with him? I asked him about it and he called me a pathetic cold bitch because I think it’s acceptable to ask for the money back when they’re elderly.

How is this cold? I get that they’re elderly but we can’t afford to pay for their shopping for the next 12 weeks

OP posts:
CircleofWillis · 10/04/2020 20:59

Cross post about the credit card. If you don't have shared finances just suggest he pays for his parent's bits if it is causing problems.

Ginger1982 · 10/04/2020 20:59

"You are all full of crap really. "

Don't post in AIBU if you can't take being told YABU.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2020 20:59

DH paid for their items and isnt asking them to reimburse him. Right there in the 1st post

Suddenly turns into DH uses your card so you have paid

Blondefancy · 10/04/2020 21:00

Well it it’s your credit card it’s actually the banks money Wink

RJnomore1 · 10/04/2020 21:00

So what’s your husband paying for then?

ineedsun · 10/04/2020 21:01

It's unusual, as you have perhaps gathered from here. That's fine, but don't be surprised that people find that a cold thing to do.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 10/04/2020 21:02

Why give him your credit card?

Whispers because the thread wasn't going OP's way

TrulyThere · 10/04/2020 21:03

Some people can’t afford an extra £20 per week. Not sure why people are acting like the OP is stingy. It might cut in greatly to the family budgeting and mean they are struggling more. So it’s not fair and I would hand them the receipt and ask for the money. Just say you would love to be able to afford their shopping but you just can’t at the moment. There’s no shame in that and you don’t deserve to be spoken to with that kind of abusive language from your husband

ineedsun · 10/04/2020 21:04

I think pretty much everyone has said depending on the context' 'if you can afford it'.

Wowwe · 10/04/2020 21:05

You are Very very tight and if I was your DH , that would be VERY offputting for me.

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 21:05

Right you all must have a generous amount of money if you can all seemingly afford to pay somebody else’s shopping every week

OP posts:
FranklySonImTheGaffer · 10/04/2020 21:06

No need to be so rude to everyone OP. You didn’t originally mention that they’ve asked you to pick things up for the last few weeks.

On the face of it, paying for some ‘bits and bobs’ one week isn’t a big deal unless you literally can’t afford it. Buying £20 worth of shopping every week for someone else who would not do the same for you is a completely different situation.

Also; your H’s way of talking to you is awful - is this how he always is?

Either don't give him the CC and do the shopping yourself OR talk to your ILs and ask if they need your bank details to transfer the shopping money to you or will they give you cash next time.

shamalidacdak · 10/04/2020 21:06

Wow how tight are you? Remember this when you're old.

LadyPenelope68 · 10/04/2020 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 21:09

@LadyPenelope68 you sound like a very judgemental person going by your username.

Don’t call me a bitch.

They would be bloody paying for their shopping in normal circumstances so why can’t they just pay us whilst we get it for them!!

OP posts:
joydivisionovengloves71 · 10/04/2020 21:09

What's happens when the shopping gets dropped off? Do you both go to the door? Your husband might have just said to them the first time they offered , 'Nah, it's alright' then assumed you were treating them in future.

ShirleyPhallus · 10/04/2020 21:09

Yep, cooold as ice

I’d be glad to pay for the shopping of my parents or in laws

Nancydrawn · 10/04/2020 21:10

If you can afford it, it's ridiculous to ask for it back. I wouldn't for a moment begrudge buying my in-laws full groceries for a few months--in fact, I would consider myself lucky to be able to do it.

If you can't afford it, of course you can't do it. But even if it's a stretch, I can't imagine not wanting to help my family.

PS: Not full of shit.

SarahInAccounts · 10/04/2020 21:11

I agree with your DH's assessment of you.

ineedsun · 10/04/2020 21:12

Also; your H’s way of talking to you is awful - is this how he always is?

DH and I are no strangers to swearing at each other I'll call him a lazy twat and he'll call me a miserable bitch. No one gets offended, because usually we are saying it in a friendly 'come on and get your head out of your arse' kind of way.

We don't call each other things like that in anger.

I know that wouldn't suit everyone but for our context it works

WorriedMum6868 · 10/04/2020 21:13

Hang on now. £20 a week could be a lot of money for some people. Its not sonething everyone can just write off without a second thought.
I think the most telling thing here is the OP saying that were the shoe on the other fiot, the in laws would be wanting payment.
I wouldnt take money off my mum but equally she wouldnt take it off me. For other people its different. If the in laws wouldnt/couldnt afford to bail out the OP, why should OP do the same

Original poster
fourpeasinapod · 10/04/2020 21:13

Clearly I’m cold because I want the money back.

I’ve no problem getting them things. They don’t even offer the money back. How’s that for cold

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2020 21:14

If you spoke to your DH the way you are speaking to PP on here its hardly surprising he called you a bitch. A reasonable we can help but we wont be able to afford their shopping is not usually met with abuse.

ruthieness · 10/04/2020 21:14

there is all the difference in the world in offering to get things for someone and then choosing what you "gift" and this situation where you are asked to get basic shopping and so definitely should be reimbursed without having to ask for it

1FootInTheRave · 10/04/2020 21:15

Fgs

No way would I pay 12 weeks worth of someone else's shopping.

A one off, no problem.

But 3 months worth. No.