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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist DD self isolates for 14 days

249 replies

Quicknewname · 10/04/2020 19:51

DD is 25 yo and lives at home, currently wfh.

Today she went out to supermarket to pick up a few bits of shopping (DH is shielding and I am staying at home as much as possible).
She was gone a long time so I rang her and she said she was in a park about 8 miles away, she had gone to meet her bf.

I lost my temper with her and told her she would have to either go and stay somewhere else (staying with bf not an option) or she could come home but would need to self isolate in her bedroom for 14 days (incubation period). She came home and I sent her straight upstairs (with a few choice words!) and told her she cannot leave her room other than to use the bathroom ( we have en-suite so bathroom is for her use).
We will have to take her food/drinks up to her in her room.

I feel awful having to do this but there’s really no choice is there? She has brought this on herself, she knows her DD is in vulnerable group and up until now she’s been really helpful and following the guidelines.

OP posts:
rjebgf · 10/04/2020 19:52

With a family member in the shielding group, yanbu, she has been really selfish.

ColdCottage · 10/04/2020 19:52

Sounds reasonable.

bigchris · 10/04/2020 19:55

Well I suppose you're sticking to the guidelines , but I'd go easy on her tbh , this is why 25 year olds shouldn't live with their parents imo , just an awful situation all round and I'd be worried about her tbh

opticaldelusion · 10/04/2020 19:59

What happened in the park? Did she stand 2m away and chat to him? Or what? More details needed before everyone gets hysterical and calls her a murderer. She might have put herself at more risk by her supermarket visit. I saw my fella today. He literally passes my house on the way to the shop. He stood at the end of my drive (maybe 3m away) and we chatted for 15 minutes. So fucking shoot me.

Grobagsforever · 10/04/2020 20:02

If they stayed 2m apart and he's not sick then you are massively over-reacting.

Malvinaa81 · 10/04/2020 20:02

Yes I'd shoot you.

Grobagsforever · 10/04/2020 20:02

The supermarket was MUCH more of a risk than the boyfriend. Think about it.

Grobagsforever · 10/04/2020 20:04

@malvinna

Then you don't understand science or that this isn't a police state

ilovedjerrymore · 10/04/2020 20:06

Did she stand right next to him or was she 2m or more apart?! Think that makes a difference.

Also she would have come into contact with people at the supermarket.

Original poster
Quicknewname · 10/04/2020 20:14

@Growbagsforever
I disagree about the supermarket being more of a risk...the supermarkets are being very stringent about keeping people at a safe distance apart.
I don’t know if they were 2 metres apart at the park but I very much doubt it.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 10/04/2020 20:19

.the supermarkets are being very stringent about keeping people at a safe distance apart.

Its impossible in a supermarket when people are walking around, they dont follow any 2m guidelines at all and its often not actully possible to do so. Trust me i work in one and people have leaned over me to get things off a shelf regularly and basically pushed past me, whole body contact!

Original poster
Quicknewname · 10/04/2020 20:20

@opticaldelusion

I don’t know if they were 2 metres apart at the park, I wasn’t there. I doubt it though. I am upset that she has gone against all the guidelines....she drove 8 miles which wasn’t essential, she went to the park, and she had contact with someone outside of the family unit. Everything she did is against the government lockdown rules.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 10/04/2020 20:21

The difference between the supermarket and the boyfriend is that the supermarket can’t be avoided as the family need to eat for survival. So a necessary risk. The boyfriend can be avoided. So an unnecessary risk.

Original poster
Quicknewname · 10/04/2020 20:23

@bigchris

Why do you think I should be worried about her?

OP posts:
bigchris · 10/04/2020 20:28

She's 25, can't see her boyfriend, and now you've said she has to work and eat in her room for 14 days
Not seeing anyone

Aren't you worried about her mental health ?

PlanDeRaccordement · 10/04/2020 20:30

I’d have found out more and not assumed the worst.
If they maintained social distancing then no harm done. I agree it’s not right and she should not have done it. So your words with her were justified.
But Isolation for 14days is for people who have symptoms or have come in contact with someone with symptoms or known/suspect COVID case. I think enforcing that on your DD who has not been around anyone with symptoms and so on, is a massive over reaction.
Surely a warning and decontamination (shower, wash clothes, etc) would be enough as it is with all key workers who have shielding relatives at home?

ilovedjerrymore · 10/04/2020 20:30

Have you actually asked her if they were 2m apart???Confused

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 20:32

I think that would be the height of mad, but if you feel that strongly, tell her to go and live with her boyfriend or a friend.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2020 20:34

All the keyworkers I know that still have to live with vulnerable people have been told to go home change and shower, wash clothes. Not stay in a room for 14 days.

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 20:39

House shares are going to explode after this. 20 somethings who stayed with parents thinking it was better than a house share will be gone in a flash!

QuaverQueen · 10/04/2020 20:45

DD was re-introduced to our home after the lockdown when her student nurse placement was cancelled.

DH is also shielding so as she was coming from a Halls of residence I said she had to self isolate for 14 days.

I can’t self isolate as I’m an NHS nurse so am always in a a different room to DH.

I’ve explained to DD that she either is also always in a different room to me or DH, it will depend on wether she is able to adequately socially distance as what she does.

Northernsoullover · 10/04/2020 20:49

She can't see her boyfriend bigchris? So fucking what? Neither can I. Neither can many of us. Its shit but there we go.

MissDemelzaCarne · 10/04/2020 20:49

All the keyworkers I know that still have to live with vulnerable people have been told to go home change and shower, wash clothes. Not stay in a room for 14 days.

That would be fine for vulnerable people bu the OP is regarding someone who is shielded so I’m nit sure how that is relevant? Hmm

category12 · 10/04/2020 20:51

How high risk is your DH?

UntamedWisteria · 10/04/2020 20:51

As long as DD stays 2m away fro your DH I really don't see the issue.