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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist DD self isolates for 14 days

249 replies

Quicknewname · 10/04/2020 19:51

DD is 25 yo and lives at home, currently wfh.

Today she went out to supermarket to pick up a few bits of shopping (DH is shielding and I am staying at home as much as possible).
She was gone a long time so I rang her and she said she was in a park about 8 miles away, she had gone to meet her bf.

I lost my temper with her and told her she would have to either go and stay somewhere else (staying with bf not an option) or she could come home but would need to self isolate in her bedroom for 14 days (incubation period). She came home and I sent her straight upstairs (with a few choice words!) and told her she cannot leave her room other than to use the bathroom ( we have en-suite so bathroom is for her use).
We will have to take her food/drinks up to her in her room.

I feel awful having to do this but there’s really no choice is there? She has brought this on herself, she knows her DD is in vulnerable group and up until now she’s been really helpful and following the guidelines.

OP posts:
Fantasiaa · 10/04/2020 22:17

YANBU OP.
Not being unreasonable at all.
Those who are saying YABU are probably breaking the rules themselves or aren’t shielding.

EricaNernie · 10/04/2020 22:18

What would you do if she had to go out to work op?

Appiandterri · 10/04/2020 22:21

So you treat her like a naughty primary school kid? Why didn’t you just talk to her?

How would talking to her stop OP’s DH -who is shielding-from being at risk? She went out, she met someone who could have it, she could now be carrying it. She needs to isolate, how would a chat change anything?

Honestly it infuriates me that people don’t get the seriousness.

I have a shielded person at home. Any trip out is a possible death sentence. With nearly a thousand deaths in a day, no shielded person will be getting a ventilator when they get it and become ill, they will be left to die a horrible death. Alone.

If my shielded DH dies then DC have lost a father AND their home. I’ve lost my soulmate. But yeah, a ‘talk’ after she’s been out will prevent all that.

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 22:21

I’m not breaking rules because I can’t afford a fine or criminal record

But a shielding family member is not following the “guidance” given to him. He’s familiar with the whole death thing and didn’t expect to live this long. He reckons he spent enough of his youth in hospital or stuck at home so he goes for a daily walk, gets shopping etc.

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 22:22

“ He’s familiar with the whole death thing”

Just realised I made him sound like a ghost 😂

CeriseClementine · 10/04/2020 22:22

Age is not relevant at all.

If dh went and met up with friends, he’d be told the same. I’d expect the same treatment for me too.

If my 12 year old went out and met up with friends, the only difference would be that I obviously can’t give him the choice to go somewhere else...so he’d also be being quarantined to his room for a fortnight.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 10/04/2020 22:22

cantata. It sounds as if you’re doing a great job under difficult circumstances.
Please do ask for help from your local neighbourhood support groups if you need it.
Sending love and best wishes x

sonjadog · 10/04/2020 22:23

Have you still not asked her how close she went to him?

MindyStClaire · 10/04/2020 22:25

Let’s imagine you were shielding and a non shielding DH went to the park to meet a mate.

If I were so ill as to be shielding and my DH thought it was ok to go meet up with a mate, I imagine I'd be seriously considering my marriage.

CeriseClementine · 10/04/2020 22:25

We don’t have anyone in the vulnerable group here either. But there are 5 people who live here and anyone who took a stupid risk would be getting short shrift from me.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2020 22:28

You are staying at home as much as possible OP indicates that you have been out at various points. Have u genuinely been 2 metres away from everyone else, and did you self isolate away from your DH when you came in.

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 22:30

Mindy “ If I were so ill as to be shielding and my DH thought it was ok to go meet up with a mate, I imagine I'd be seriously considering my marriage.”

Yes. But would you try to order him to stay in his room?! You might tell him to get out and find somewhere else to live.

PerfectPenquins · 10/04/2020 22:30

It was incredibly selfish and at 25 she knows better. Until the worst happens to some people they just wont care. For others who have lost loved ones seeing people who cant just stay at home bar essentials such as shopping must be gutting. She needs to grow up.

TeaForTara · 10/04/2020 22:31

This isn’t about Coronavirus. This is about you treating your 25-year-old adult child like a toddler.

Fair comment IF the 25-year-old behaved like a responsible adult, but she didn’t.

GrumpyHoonMain · 10/04/2020 22:31

Your DH should be the one shielding in his room not your DD - that is the advice. It’s clear that the other members of the household can go about their business. I know a lot of keyworkers who are working and have to live with parents and grandparents who need to shield - whomever is shielding needs to stay in their rooms. As long as the people who do go out wash their hands / sanitize / shower after they return and keep their distance it should be ok

cantata · 10/04/2020 22:31

Thank you, @Muchtoomuchtodo That is very kind of you.

TitianaTitsling · 10/04/2020 22:33

Im confused op says she knows her DD is in vulnerable group Ah Is it her dad not daughter? If it is DH is he vulnerable due to age or health?. I know my 'd' parents declared they were in the vulnerable group way back in beginning of march, but that was purely as they had the fear I'd ask for some support- long before we knew where this was going!

HannahStern · 10/04/2020 22:34

FamilyOfAliens Fri 10-Apr-20 22:00:12
Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t about Coronavirus. This is about you treating your 25-year-old adult child like a toddler.

Yeah, right. The feelings of the DD are the important consideration here. The DD should not be upset or inconvenienced. Whether the DH gets corona virus and dies is a trivial matter in comparison.

Biscuit
sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/04/2020 22:34

Interesting that I was just looking at living with someone who is shielding guidelines OP and it suggests where possible the person sheilding should be in a separate bed, and using a separate bathoom from the other people on the household and where possible either be in different rooms or at least 2 metres from each other. So you and DD should be sharing a bathroom whilst your DH has his own.

NaturalBornWoman · 10/04/2020 22:37

This is such a tough spot for young people

It’s pretty tough for older people with normally non life threatening conditions and a reasonable expectation of living another 25 years or so prior to the pandemic. Significantly more of an issue than not seeing a boyfriend for a few weeks. At 25 years old that is appalling behaviour.

NaturalBornWoman · 10/04/2020 22:41

Your DH should be the one shielding in his room not your DD - that is the advice. It’s clear that the other members of the household can go about their business.

Meeting up with someone from a different household is not going about her business. It’s not ok, for anyone.

FamilyOfAliens · 10/04/2020 22:41

Yeah, right. The feelings of the DD are the important consideration here. The DD should not be upset or inconvenienced.

Good job no one on this thread has said that then.

PanicAtTheDiscLo · 10/04/2020 22:42

OP for fucks sake. ASK YOUR CHILD IF SHE KEPT 2 M APART?!
If she did it’s the same as the supermarket- she could’ve easily seen a friend in the store anyway...

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 10/04/2020 22:50

Some posters on here clearly don't understand what shielding means.

Why should the shielded person have to spend months shut in one room when other family members can go out for walks etc? The daughter only has to stay in her room for two weeks but she can still go out. The dad can't go outside at all and now some of you want him shut in his bedroom as well, not even have the run of the house.

Yanbu op.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 10/04/2020 22:51

I've read the shielding list and I think I'll soon be on it, although not 100% from the wording of it.

DH will still be at work in public transport. But the keeping 2m away won't be possible when he drives me to hospital appointments etc.

We need a limousine 😊