To insist DD self isolates for 14 days

[Quicknewname]

DD is 25 yo and lives at home, currently wfh.

Today she went out to supermarket to pick up a few bits of shopping (DH is shielding and I am staying at home as much as possible).
She was gone a long time so I rang her and she said she was in a park about 8 miles away, she had gone to meet her bf.

I lost my temper with her and told her she would have to either go and stay somewhere else (staying with bf not an option) or she could come home but would need to self isolate in her bedroom for 14 days (incubation period). She came home and I sent her straight upstairs (with a few choice words!) and told her she cannot leave her room other than to use the bathroom ( we have en-suite so bathroom is for her use).
We will have to take her food/drinks up to her in her room.

I feel awful having to do this but there’s really no choice is there? She has brought this on herself, she knows her DD is in vulnerable group and up until now she’s been really helpful and following the guidelines.

Natural “ It’s pretty tough for older people with normally non life threatening conditions and a reasonable expectation of living another 25 years or so prior to the pandemic.”

I think that covers me! I’m officially old now, I’m sitting here cooing “ooh, it’s so hard on the young uns” 😂

At 25 years old that is appalling behaviour.

Precisely. It's not as if the OP's DD is a teenager. She's a grown adult who is capable of understanding the possible consequences of her behaviour for her DF. It was stupid behaviour on her part.

Although I do agree with PPs who maintain that she should have clarified with her DD whether she practised social distancing when meeting up with her bf; if she did, then the OP did overreact.

Although I do agree with PPs who maintain that she should have clarified with her DD whether she practised social distancing when meeting up with her bf; if she did, then the OP did overreact.

What if she lies?

I have literally just read the government advice on shielding @hearhooves and it clearly states the person sheilding should spend as much time as possible in a separate room from everyone else. And sleep in a separate bed and use a separate bathroom whereever possible. That doesn't mean I agree with the DD meeting up with someone but clearly she has been going to the supetmarket and the op has also left the home on occasion so yes the DH should be following the government advice and keeping himself separate wherever possible.

@LilacTree1
The same rules apply whatever your age. Whether you’re 25 or 65

Have you considered asking your daughter why she went to meet her boyfriend. I assume she isn't stupid, understands the guidance and her fathers health situation and the increased risk that he has as a result. If a cognitively able person understands those things and is able to socially distance in other circumstances (which as you are sending her shopping I assume you believe her capable of) there must be a reason why. If she met in a park and didnt try to hide where she was from you I'd be guessing it wasnt for a quick fumble in the bushes.......I cant, from your post, be so confident that you are not being emotionally abusive.......(which to some extent may be understandable under the circumstances but is no less damaging)

sweeneytoddsrazor

I know what the shielding letter says, because I'm shielded.

What I'm saying is that being shielded is difficult enough as it is without being shut in one room for three months!

Yes, it's hard on the DD doing it for fourteen days but she can at least go out for a walk every day. My husband sleeps in another room and I eat alone and he's cleaning the bathroom every time and we're using separate towels and crockery and cutlery but I do sit in the living room to watch TV. We are on opposite sides of the room, only I sit in my chair, next to an open window. If I couldn't do that I would go raving mad.

*@LilacTree1
I’m not breaking rules because I can’t afford a fine or criminal record

So nothing to do with being responsible and following government lockdown rules to help stop the spread of Coronavirus then?

YANBU!!!! The stupidity on this post is astounding. If you dd thinks this is unreasonable ask her how she will feel if her dad is hospitalised or worse.

14 days isolation is required due to incubation period, it's been on the tv for WEEKS.

Staying 2m away doesn't help if they touch the same door handles or light switches.

I hope you all stay well ok.

@hearhooves yes of course being in one room would be horrendous I cant begin to imagine how hard it must be. But it also doesn't sound like the OP is following those sheilding rules if she is sharing a bedroom and bathroom with her DH when there is at least 2 bathrooms in the house.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Yes it's obviously possible that the DD might lie, but she didn't lie about having met up with the bf in the first place, which is a good sign. And presumably, assuming she cares for her DF, her mum can get to the bottom of this without jumping to the conclusion that she's lying.

This is one problem with so many twenty something young people still living with their parents.

But self isolation is NOT required merely for breaking social distancing or for talking to someone while maintaining social distancing. That happens every time you go to the shops or are handed a package being delivered.

The NHS webpage is clear that self isolation is 7 days if YOU have symptoms of Coronavirus or 14 days if SOMEONE YOU LIVE WITH has symptoms. www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-advice/

It is NOT required because you had a chat with someone in a public park. The OP is massively over reacting. She hasn’t even asked her DD any details about why or how she met her boyfriend at the park...was it by chance? How long did they talk? Did they stay 2m apart? I highly doubt they had sex in the bushes or on a park bench.

OP “So nothing to do with being responsible and following government lockdown rules to help stop the spread of Coronavirus then?”

No. Fear of the law, which is what I think they’re going for.

Before someone patronisingly explains infectious diseases to me, my late father worked in the field and my own health isn’t brilliant.

Now I’ve answered your question, would please consider answering mine? What does your DH think? Like I said, my shielding relative isn’t shielding either, he’d rather live normally and if he dies, he dies. It’s a risk we face every day as it is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

^^ This.

But it also doesn't sound like the OP is following those sheilding rules if she is sharing a bedroom and bathroom with her DH when there is at least 2 bathrooms in the house.

Not everyone has a spare bedroom and bathroom though. If the DD wasn't living there then they would have the space to do it. Maybe she needs to move out so that op and husband can each have their own room.

Thank you to those of you that agreed that I am not being unreasonable to insist on my DD self isolating for 14 days. I am just doing what most people are, keeping my family as safe as possible.
Nobody is immune from this deadly virus (excuse pun!) and as we’ve never experienced anything like this before, we are all having to make decisions that we feel are right for our loved ones.

For those that have condemned me for taking this decision, I fear they are the minority (I hope!) that do not take this pandemic seriously, even though the facts are given to us daily. If some people continue to flout the lockdown rules then I think the government will have no alternative but to impose a tighter lockdown which will restrict our movements even further.

The NHS webpage is clear that self isolation is 7 days if YOU have symptoms of Coronavirus or 14 days if SOMEONE YOU LIVE WITH has symptoms.

Yes 7 days once you start exhibiting symptoms because the view is at the end of the seven days you won't be contagious but the incubation period is up to fourteen days so if they want to be sure that she isn't incubating it DD needs to isolate for 14 days. That's why the NHS advice is fourteen days for members of the same household as s symptomatic person

Nobody in my family is high risk but If my son goes anywhere near his girlfriend then as far as I’m concerned he has put us all at risk and he won’t be allowed back in the house. I’m not having anyone purposely putting our lives at risk. He’s 18 and has been told the situation. 2 metres apart is fine but anything else is beyond selfish.

@LilacTree1
No, fear of the law

So you are actually admitting that it’s not because you fear catching or spreading the virus?

And to answer your question, my DH is also upset that she broke lockdown rules today by driving some distance to a park and meeting someone outside of the household.

But OP, you made this decision without even knowing for a fact whether your DD did actually “flout the lockdown rules” so for that alone YABU. If she practised social distancing, she did not break any lockdown rules. She did not visit her bf. It was a public gathering of two people which is allowed under the rules.

Furthermore, self isolation for 14days is not a lockdown rule if you have no symptoms and have not come into contact with anyone with symptoms. You’re saying it applies to your DD as a way to punish her harshly for a perceived breach of the spirit of the rules, not the actual rules.

YABU to assume that those of us who disagree with you do not take the lockdown rules seriously. I do as do many others.

What do you suggest then? Wait until DD shows symptoms and then quarantine her? Once it's too late? Then risk her dad getting seriously ill and dying? All rather than doing fourteen days quarantine now.

The DD can leave if she doesn't like it can't she?

OP, thanks
So he’s upset but I’m wondering what he wants to do.

Of course you’re not obliged to answer.

Yes, I admit it. They won’t find a vaccine for a couple of years. It might mutate and need an annual vaccine, who knows how long that will take.

I’d like to live normally. Isn’t the Italian government preparing to say similar to their citizens? I don’t want to live a life of poverty or lose the - tiny - roof over my head and be queuing for my weekly government allocated load of bread. No one can pay for nhs if the economy collapses.

We’ll just die of other things if our standing medical conditions can’t be managed. Yes, that’s ultimately survival of the fittest, I realise that. But why is your form of survival morally better than mine? You want to emerge to a ruined economy, I understand. I’d rather not. Just need to respect each other’s views a bit.

If I was 25 and facing this......jeez. At least I’ve had some time to enjoy my life. That generation was facing enough crap, if the economy gets ruined....😱

Plan “ Furthermore, self isolation for 14days is not a lockdown rule if you have no symptoms and have not come into contact with anyone with symptoms. You’re saying it applies to your DD as a way to punish her harshly for a perceived breach of the spirit of the rules, not the actual rules. ”

This. Mum and I have pored over these rules, because of shielding relative and thinking what dad would make of them. But we always knew this was coming. A pandemic that we can’t beat back that much was always coming, in fact it’s a wee bit late.

You do realise that life won't be normal with just a bit of Covid in the background don't you? How will the NHS resume normal service? Infections will be higher than they are now.

14 days isolation is right for a non symptomatic person who might be incubating the disease.