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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist DD self isolates for 14 days

249 replies

Quicknewname · 10/04/2020 19:51

DD is 25 yo and lives at home, currently wfh.

Today she went out to supermarket to pick up a few bits of shopping (DH is shielding and I am staying at home as much as possible).
She was gone a long time so I rang her and she said she was in a park about 8 miles away, she had gone to meet her bf.

I lost my temper with her and told her she would have to either go and stay somewhere else (staying with bf not an option) or she could come home but would need to self isolate in her bedroom for 14 days (incubation period). She came home and I sent her straight upstairs (with a few choice words!) and told her she cannot leave her room other than to use the bathroom ( we have en-suite so bathroom is for her use).
We will have to take her food/drinks up to her in her room.

I feel awful having to do this but there’s really no choice is there? She has brought this on herself, she knows her DD is in vulnerable group and up until now she’s been really helpful and following the guidelines.

OP posts:

symbioticpatriot · 10/04/2020 20:57

Amazing how many people don’t know the distance between shielding and social distancing...

Splitsunrise · 10/04/2020 21:01

If he is shielding, he is in the very top “high risk” category

category12 · 10/04/2020 21:03

Yes, but some people say they're shielding when they're not really.

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 21:03

There are shielded people living with key workers.

I hope they don’t make the key workers stay in one room.

How about your DH, what does he think?

Lynda07 · 10/04/2020 21:05

Your 25 year old daughter has a daughter? It looked that way from last paragraph of your opening post.

Please ask her if she and her boyfriend kept a good distance from each other, you won't know unless you ask. If she did there's no reason for her to self isolate.

This won't last forever, it's so hard right now.

FishingPaws · 10/04/2020 21:11

Your 25 year old daughter has a daughter? It looked that way from last paragraph of your opening post.

DD being used for dear dad in this case.

bigchris · 10/04/2020 21:13

@Northernsoullover yeah I know

Are you stuck in the same room for 14 days though?

cantata · 10/04/2020 21:15

How is your DD generally, OP? Is she struggling with the lockdown? Is her MH being adversely affected, beyond the 'normal' being pissed off with it all? Mine certainly is. How close to the boyfriend did she get? If they were in a park, they clearly weren't inside, so the risk was less than it could have been.

I would want to know more. I can see why you are upset, if your DH (her DF) is on the 'at risk' list. But I also think that shutting her in her room, albeit with her own bathroom, is quite wrong.

I go to a supermarket every day, btw. They are great at keeping people separate when they're queueing outside; they wipe trolley handles etc (which I wouldn't do) - but once they let you in, everyone is entirely reliant on one another to keep their distance.

It doesn't bother me as I don't much care if I catch it. I do, obviously, maintain a safe distance for the sake of other shoppers. But if two people who aren't that bothered happen to run into one another, it's just like a normal supermarket trip. I'd say that was more risky than your DD sitting in a park with her BF (assuming that is what they were doing).

redwinefine · 10/04/2020 21:15

Those who are voting YABU really need to have a look at the latest news, etc. You are endangering others through such flagrant interpretation of the rules. The only way we will all survive this is by actually STAYING THE F*CK at home and following best practice when outside for limited purposes.

CrazyToast · 10/04/2020 21:16

Yes because where has her boyfriend been and were they 2m apart? With a shielding person in the house you have to be so so careful.

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 21:19

redwinefine you staying in till the vaccine arrives?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 10/04/2020 21:23

I think it depends if she stayed 2m away from him and if he has been on lockdown or if he is a key worker etc

lljkk · 10/04/2020 21:25

If you were my mom I'd move out asap. You're making her choose.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 10/04/2020 21:27

Op, I can see where you’re coming from, but why don’t you speak to your daughter about how close she actually was to her boyfriend? If they kept more than 2m apart, the risk of her being exposed to the virus would have been bigger in the supermarket. Before you introduce such stringent controls, please talk to her,

cantata why on earth are you going to a supermarket every day? Unless you are working there, you really should only go once a week at the very most. You might not care about catching it, but you could be responding for passing it onto a large number of others.

EricaNernie · 10/04/2020 21:30

7 days if you must, but 14 is ott

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 21:31

There’s loads of reasons people might need the supermarket daily

What you can carry, money management etc. I’m lucky I’m just me. How does a family carry a weeks shopping home?

EKGEMS · 10/04/2020 21:32

lljk I'm quite sure this woman's husband dying of corona is a bigger tragedy than the 25-year old not seeing her boyfriend through lockdown! For such a callous and ignorant attitude you and bigchris have I despair. I doubt you leaving would be upsetting

EricaNernie · 10/04/2020 21:33

you could well be a key worker, living with a shielded person.
you would have to wash when you got home and ideally sleep in separate rooms, clean the kitchen and bathroom after/before use

WinterCat · 10/04/2020 21:34

I disagree about the supermarket being more of a risk...the supermarkets are being very stringent about keeping people at a safe distance apart. I disagree with this completely and think you are being very naive. Right now, for the average person, a trip to the supermarket is one of the more dangerous things they can do. Even if people stay 2m away, which they generally don’t in the store, all it takes is an infectious person to have sneezed over something that you daughter then picks up.

Do you know how the viral load works? Your daughter is the most likely in your setup to being the virus home. She will likely have it mildly. Others in the household won’t because of they will get a larger initial viral load. That puts them at more risk on its own. As your DH is such high risk due presumably to his health, I really think you should get online deliveries and stop your DD going to the supermarket for you.

MrsP2015 · 10/04/2020 21:35

I think you've done the right thing!

LilacTree1 · 10/04/2020 21:36

This is such a tough spot for young people

When I was 16, my parents weren’t expected to live very long.

It didn’t work out that way and I made some terrible decisions, which I regret, because I thought they were in my parents best interests.

EricaNernie · 10/04/2020 21:36

does her BF work away from home?
who is he mixing with?

Bookoffacts · 10/04/2020 21:38

I think you're being hysterical and abusive. You can't imprison her.

sonjadog · 10/04/2020 21:39

Maybe she stayed 2m from him? I would ask her first before imprisoning her in her room for two weeks.

Redwinestillfine · 10/04/2020 21:42

Is there a reason it's 14 days rather than 7 for her to isolate in her room? I support the self isolation, she's old enough to know better, but just questioning the length.

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