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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

260 replies

PixiePowered · 09/04/2020 13:58

I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

OP posts:
Summersun77 · 09/04/2020 14:01

Yanbu. Could have a weekend abroad for that cost! She can demand what she likes but should be prepared for people not to attend

Morgan12 · 09/04/2020 14:03

YANBU!

Have you spoken to any other guests about this? That's a ridiculous amount of money for a hen. Especially when it looks like you would be in a lodge all weekend.

Original poster
PixiePowered · 09/04/2020 14:04

Not spoken to other guests yet. Her thing is "they don't have to come" and that just bumps the cost up for every other idiot who does!

OP posts:
DinoGreen · 09/04/2020 14:05

Well it depends on your social circle doesn’t it but that would be a fairly standard amount to spend on a weekend away hen do in my friendship group. It’s maybe a little on the expensive side considering there’s only one activity within that price. Won’t you want something else to do on day 2 other than the cocktail making class?
If everyone is getting their own bed for that amount then it’s pretty good I think - I’ve had to share a double bed (or even bunks!) on every hen do I’ve been on.

Pippa12 · 09/04/2020 14:05

Gosh... we went abroad for my hen doo. Food, drinks and activities £238 all in. Your sil is nuts!

YouJustDoYou · 09/04/2020 14:06

No.

Umnoway · 09/04/2020 14:06

She can’t even afford it and is expecting her parents to pick up the tab so of course she’s being massively unreasonable for that alone.

cultkid · 09/04/2020 14:08

What venue is it let us see it so we can decide if it looks worth the money

1FootInTheRave · 09/04/2020 14:08

Sounds very very boring.

1990shopefulftm · 09/04/2020 14:10

You re not being unreasonable, my hen do was 3 years ago and it wasn't more than £150 each and I would have been happy making it cheaper if my friends had told me that was too much.
If she's expecting people to pay for their own dress and hair and make up then they should have the option to do that part how they wish to.

raspberryk · 09/04/2020 14:10

That's actually really reasonable from what I've experienced, paid similar PLUS meals and drinks for a city centre bog standard hotel hen weekend break which included one spa morning.

Bananalanacake · 09/04/2020 14:10

A few people might drop out at that price, especially if some are feeling the pinch due to the current situation. Can't she have one night out for a meal then a pub, people pay for what they drink and eat.

STAYTHEFUCKHOME · 09/04/2020 14:13

So which YABU is which?!

Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off

cultkid · 09/04/2020 14:13

My hen party was at my parents house with childhood friends including the boys 😬
We had loads of champagne and good food
My parents made all of it
Then we went to a bar and my parents bought a few bottles of wine for us before leaving

That's all 🤯

MamaGee09 · 09/04/2020 14:14

£310 to be in a lodge all weekend.... no thanks, I don’t see many people being too happy about the price.

Taswama · 09/04/2020 14:14

I think such events should have a cost per head that does not vary depending on the number of people. £300 per head sounds ok but it’s unlikely everyone will be able to make it or will change their mind at the last minute so it will quickly get expensive.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 09/04/2020 14:15

Sounds like she needs a short sharp shock and I would provide it in the form of telling her to pay for her own dresses, make up, hen do and wedding.

Taswama · 09/04/2020 14:15

Although personally I miss the days when a hen night was a meal out, drinks and maybe a club. Much more affordable and accessible.

PeacockPies · 09/04/2020 14:16

2/3 nights with a load of people whose only thing in common is they all know the same person. No thanks. It would be nice if it was going away with your family or with your own friends.

SunsetYorks · 09/04/2020 14:17

I’d not attend for that!

Ellisandra · 09/04/2020 14:17

I actually don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask everyone to pay the same whether they’re in a double or single - it’s just a bed, and the actual sleeping part of this is not the point. I’d happily pay the same as someone who had a double. The fair way to do it though, is to draw lots for the smaller beds. (I’d just volunteer for one, I wouldn’t care)

But... it’s a moot point, because that’s a fecking ridiculous amount to be paying. Fine if that’s your social circle and everyone can afford it. But that’s obviously not the case here!

LoveIsLovely · 09/04/2020 14:18

I don't really get these kinds of hen dos, they sound really shit to me.

I would much rather just have a meal and drink in the pub.

People do everything for the likes these days, it's sad.

pussycatinboots · 09/04/2020 14:18

YANBU.
I have never felt so lucky to be an only child Grin

Back away discretely, say no more about any of it- although I bet she expects you and the other guests mugs to pay her share too?

Tell her it is really bad form/etiquette to expect a bridesmaid to pay for her own frock/shoes etc no way would i pay for make-up/hair as i don't wear any/faff about Wink

She'll have to save up a lot to pay for all of her extras - point it out now so she won't have a sob story later.

Good luck - and i hope whatever awful dress she makes you wear fits and you don't have to walk from the church to the reception like I did when I was conned into this bridesmaid crap

GabsAlot · 09/04/2020 14:19

So she cant afford it but is expecting everyone else to

was she spoilt op

Original poster
PixiePowered · 09/04/2020 14:19

Meals -
Contential breakfast that will be bought from a supermarket - some croissants, pastries, cheese etc.
Lunch - afternoon tea.
Dinner - pot luck people must pay for and cook themselves befor arriving and then supermarket/takeaway pizza.

Cocktail making - 4 cocktails.

Lodge - two nights.

I just feel like it's a lot to ask people, especially those she doesn't know overly well (her fiance's brothers girlfriend and extended family, friend of my mum's, cousins friend etc).
If we were going out, getting more for our money then I'd say I didn't think it was too bad. But it's over £300 odd to sit about.

I can also see the price realistically going up to around £380 due to the personal circumstances of some people.

OP posts:
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