Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

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I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

I ended up spending around £600 for a two night/three day jaunt to a foreign capital for my sister's hen do about 20 years ago.
Was great but also incredibly stressful as sister behaved like the classic bridezilla and I ran about like an idiot trying to accommodate her and her friends' needs.. My best friend remarried recently and same thing was planned for Berlin, 3 day weekend. I declined. I got burnt once, never again. Just cos someone is getting married, it really does not merit putting your loved ones thru financial and emotional stress. You are most definitely not being unreasonable and the bride to be really should get a grip on reality.

people will not turn up I'm afraid, everyone is sick to death of these expensive hens.
I said no to my sisters some years ago and all the guests said no as well as none of us had £500 to spend on a hen weekend. She was furious, hurt etc but I just told her she was being ridiculous, none of us are well off, we were all paying mortgages, bring up kids etc. i was a single parent with no access to a lot of money.
Surely it's all about getting married to the person you love not spending your life savings on hen weekends.

On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.

That alone makes her a CF before she even gets started on the hen do. Can't believe anyone would make her bridesmaids pay for these things!

To look at how silly we have got in a hundred years, most people pre 1920, and a great majority until the 1960s, used to wake up in the morning, and trail up to the church with (hopefully) their parent(s) or a couple of friends behind them. My grandmother did this. Then breakfast or a meal at home. That was it. And that was standard.

My own wedding in the 1990s, like many I know, was a dinner for a dozen people and a party in my house and garden for friends in the evening. All this endless fluff is ridiculous, and actually a bit laughable.

@onlinelinda Exactly. I remember my grandma telling me that her wedding was just anyone from the village who wanted to turn up, then a meal in the pub, then back to the farm to work all afternoon.

All of this endless self determination via consumption is a bit sickening really.

I also find the sex-segregation of hen nights and stag parties a bit bizarre these days, when couples socialise in mixed groups all the time and live together before marriage. It’s a hangover from a previous era.

We had joint ‘pre-wedding drinks’ in a big city. Low costs and no embarrassing entertainment. Fairly cheap and cheerful, given that we were asking people to travel to another part of the UK for the wedding- for very good reasons I might add.

There seems to be, amongst certain brides, the mindset that they are doing their friends and relatives a favour by inviting them to hens and bridal parties. That these friends and relatives should be honoured to be asked. WRONG.
It is the bride's day and if she wants stuff to be a particular way then she pays for it. Bridesmaids and groomsmen outfits are paid for by the B & G. Surely this is about the B & G sharing their day and facilitating it for their invitees? No one should be hundreds out of pocket for the honour of attending their nuptials. These massively extended hen and stag dos plus telling the bridal party what they must wear but expecting them to pay for it themselves is lunacy. Live and plan within your means and stop being so entitled, it kills friendships and splits families!

The less people that go, the more the remainder will pay. I'm fairly sure it'll end up being more than 300 quid each, I can't see 20 people being able to, and wanting to stump up that amount of cash

YANBU. For my best friends hen do we went to Majorca for 3 nights/4 days which cost around £400 pp including spending money and we paid for the brides flight and hotel. Us bridesmaids arranged it so went for something we were all happy with price wise. It was only the bride, the 4 bridemaids and brides DM and MIL. However, we all got a holiday out of it. I wouldn’t be happy to pay for that if it wasn’t abroad or a close friend

I actually dont think it's that bad in terms of cost. I usually pay £200 for a 2 night hen do, plus travel there and back and drinks when out (pre drinks provided) and maybe 1 meal out but the rest included. So 3 nights at £300 doesnt seem extortionate. In fact it seems a bit of a bargain with all the food thrown in. But it depends on the group, if its not what they're used to it could seem a lot. Also it sounds quite boring. Hen dos I've been on that £200 includes at least 2 activities, if not 3.

Shes an idiot for the buying own bridesmaid dresses etc. For my (now cancelled due to corona!) wedding I'm paying for bridesmaid hair and their dresses. Asked them to provide own shoes but made clear it was totally up to them what they wore, can be something they already have etc. I didnt want to force them to wear high heels/low heels/scrappy etc.
Shoes if they wouldnt be comfortable in those. Also providing a lot of free booze at the wedding to limit drinks people have to buy as they're pricier than a cheap pub. I think if you're at an expensive venue then you need to provide more free drinks.