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AIBU?

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Original poster

Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

260 replies

PixiePowered · 09/04/2020 13:58

I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

OP posts:
Jessie9323 · 09/04/2020 16:33

I would simply decline the invitation and in fact have done when I felt it was more than I'd want to pay. I personally made sure my Hen do was under £100. That included hair and nails and a night out with meal and disco. But I like a simple night and I wanted all my friends to feel they could afford to come.
My friends have previously had hen dos where you could pick which parts you wanted to do to keep the price down.

80sMum · 09/04/2020 16:36

I simply don't understand how people can justify the cost of these parties! What is the point of them? I can only conclude that there must be a lot of people who have "more money than sense" (to quote my mother!).

I suspect that the Covid 19 lockdowns, rapidly followed by Brexit, will make everyone poorer for generations to come, so these sorts of parties will become a thing of the past anyway.

HannahStern · 09/04/2020 16:39

The UK is in for a huge recession. I doubt many (if any) of your guests will be able to afford it.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 09/04/2020 16:40

YABVU

For my hen do, I had plastic surgery to halve my bodyweight so I could get into the antique lace dress that I insisted my parents buy from the V&A.

The actual month of the hen do, I insisted on being carried around for the whole of the time, my feet were not to touch the floor. My DAunt had 17 multiple heart attacks, selfish cow. She should have just paid the money and stayed at home.

At the great ceremonial bridal feast on the last night, I went through a coronation ceremony then had trained puppies and kittens bringing round £100 bottles of vintage champagne. and I went to bed in silk underwear in a triple Emperor sized bed.

And I changed my clothes every 15 minutes and didn't wear the the same thing twice.

So I don't think your sister is being unreasonable. Suck it up.

diddl · 09/04/2020 16:43

What's a spa pool?

If it was 310 all in & you could swim in the pool I'd think it's not too bad.

Wouldn't be interested in games or making cocktails though-I'd rather be chatting, eating & just drinking cocktails!

I had a bbq at my parents & invited all the women & it was a great night imo.

Wexone · 09/04/2020 16:49

Like people said it depends on the circle of friends weather its epensive or not. I have just read about a girl who has come back from her Hen in Miami, she is from Dublin. Am getting married my self this year (fingers crossed) my hen is booked end of May - Can be canclled with full refund if still in lockdown. It has cost 200e each for 10 people, that is one one night B+B in city centre, not leaving the country, afternoon tea, dinner and a show with a round of cocktails. I actually think thats reasonable, however i am in my mid thirties along with most of my friends. To your option, that sounds way too much. I wouldnt want my friends to bring food the whole idea of a hen is to go out for dinner relax etc, plus the idea of three nights away is not feesable i dont think. People will expect a bit more for their money. I am going on another hen in August and it also costs 200e that includes dinner, a spa treatment along with B&B in a fancy hotel. You need to do a bit more reaserch and get a better deal, try hen party websites, there are companies that organise everything for you and they offer some very good deals, they also take all the money so you are not left out of pocket. Reduce it to 2 nights aswell. On the idea that you have to pay for your dress make up hair etc thats not the way it works. I have never heard of this, the bride pays for the bridesmaid dresses, you can get some fabulouse dresses in debenhams or quiz for less than 100e.Anythime i have been bridesmaid i have only paid for my shoes everything else was paid for . With regards to the venue of the wedding there is nothing you can do there and dont say anything.The bride is right to choose her venue

FaFoutis · 09/04/2020 16:52

Debenhams not a good idea.

HollowTalk · 09/04/2020 16:54

I think the food side of this sounds really problematic. You know damn well some people won't bring food, others will eat far more than others and there'll be nothing left for a full meal etc.

I would tell her that the influencer paid for all her friends to be there.

Thesuzle · 09/04/2020 16:58

Old foggy here, when did hen dos become such a THING, can not understand brides forcing everyone to pay for “fun’ which invariably turns out not to be.

Chanel05 · 09/04/2020 17:03

I think you'd have to be really clear at the beginning too that if people drop out then they WILL be paying more but you can't determine how much that will be.

Although the wedding is next year, you just don't know how Covid is going to impact the climate and personal finances. I'm not sure how much people would want to commit to an expensive hen do at this time.

DareToTiger · 09/04/2020 17:05

And what if 5+ people drop out?

The attendees would end up having to pay £400+ each. And then they'd probably drop out too.

choli · 09/04/2020 17:07

Old foggy here, when did hen dos become such a THING, can not understand brides forcing everyone to pay for “fun’ which invariably turns out not to be.
Nobody is forced to participate. Much of the problem is that so many are afraid to say No as they fear being seen as "tight" or as being the only one of the group who can't afford the bullshit.

When people start standing up to this crap it will end, but not until then.

choli · 09/04/2020 17:09

I would tell her that the influencer paid for all her friends to be there.
Brilliant!

comingintomyown · 09/04/2020 17:27

The thing is paying all that to then eat pizza and box meals or add substantially to the total by eating out /decent takeaways ?
Have you said any one of the things on this thread to her ?

mencken · 09/04/2020 17:29

if this is real - a man is actually desperate enough to marry this foolish, brainless, unable to think independently woman?

not good for the species.

TealWater · 09/04/2020 17:30

When will this hen 'weekend' thing DIE? It is supposed to be a Hen's Night, not a weekend! Nobody has that type of money to throw around just for that. She is being a selfish prima donna. She is getting married that's all. Every other couple for decades and millennium survived without a hen 'weekend'. She is being incredibly stupid and I would say 'if you want it, you organise it for yourself'. No way would I be part of something so tacky and stupid. She sounds very immature. These 'influencers' need to be tarred and feathered and thrown on a hot ant's heap.

unchienandalusia · 09/04/2020 17:33

Pre corona virus I would have gone. But I think you need to be very wary about what state the economy will be in next year. It's likely we will be in a global depression with millions out of work. Seems in very bad taste to book anything extravagant just now.

cherrybunx0 · 09/04/2020 18:06

yabu because that is actually pretty good for 3 days at a spa. near where I live it can cost that for 1/2 nights in all honesty, especially if you're saying it's a good one

not saying you couldnt have a weekend somewhere else for a lot cheaper but that is just the price of spa places and some are even more than that

strawberry2017 · 09/04/2020 18:15

@cherrybunx0 it's not an actual spa though, it's literally some champagne and 2 hot tubs.
No food or alcohol included In the price other then the "spa" champagne and it's costing an extra £400 to have that, it's not even included in the price of the lodge.

Original poster
PixiePowered · 09/04/2020 18:24

Exactly @strawberry2017

I have voiced everything here. I've even asked her if she is close enough to these women to warrant inviting them to spend this much. She wouldn't have a one on one night with them (dinner, drinks, cinema etc) but would definitely invite them to this.

She doesn't want a hotel because 'there is no room to play games ...'

My head is pickled already and it's months away!

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 09/04/2020 18:48

its not a spa is it its 2 hot tubs-does she understand whats going on in the world right now

people are losing their jobs maybe their homes its ont the time to be saying can you save for my bloody wedding

nellythenarwhal · 09/04/2020 18:59

Yanbu This is not the time for expensive hen dos- people are taking pay cuts, being furloughed... I predict a lot of drop outs and the cost per person going through the roof.

TheFutureMrsHardy · 09/04/2020 19:17

If you're arranging it, you need to agree a budget with everyone attending. I think you need to start up a Whatsapp group without your Dsis and ask everyone to agree a budget that means no one will drop out.

And stick to it.

It would be better to do one night and everyone have a great time than drag it out over 3 days with spiralling costs.

AlexaCrowe · 09/04/2020 19:24

Sounds really boring and it’s expensive for what it is. Especially when you factor in that it doesn’t even cost everything (travel, alcohol, costs rising due to people not coming, an extra night, a meal out) so could potentially be £500 to sit in a lodge, swim one day and make four cocktails.

Then for four of you it’s even more for dresses, makeup and shoes.

I would love to know which influencer has influenced her so well!

Standrewsschool · 09/04/2020 19:27

The price wouldn’t be so bad if you got decent meals in the evenings. However, to bring a dish on the first night, and then pizza on the second is a bit cheap.

What happens if people can’t go. It would be expensive and unfair to ask others to pay more.

Also, bride should pay for bridesmaid dress, hair etc.