Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

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I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

If she's still financially dependent on her parents, I would say she's not mature enough to get married either....

Pressed the wrong button by mistake
The price of that is madness and bridezilla is deluded

Someone else mentioned this, but given the economic effects of this pandemic, many ppl won't have £310 to spend on a hen weekend. That's another good reason to look at cheaper options, nothing to do with you "being tight."

So you ask her 20 mates, half decline so your £300 odd quid a night turns into £600 odd as you have to cover the cost between those going. So the remaining 8 go 'fuck that' so it's you and your dsil left. She doesn't see why she should pay for her own hen do and you end up with a bill for nearly 6 k for two nights in a twatty lodge with a pissed off sil

Exactly. Do not book anything unless everyone in the group has pre-paid in full, or you will end up out of pocket.

I would expect to pay about that much for a hen weekend. But it depends on her circle of friends, she should know whether they would be able to afford this reasonably. It also depends on how much notice they’re being given to get the money together.

Resign now before you go grey with stress.

3 days? I think you'll probably find as soon as you float it to the group, a whole load of people will say no based on the time commitment alone. No way I'd give up a weekend for a hen, then presumably am overnight in an expensive hotel for the wedding. Then add in the cost (especially now) and see that group of 20 drop to the few that really can't say no. The problem then goes away when there are only 3 or 4 people willing to go.

Your sister is bonkers. As her sister, I think you need to make her see sense. There’s no way I’d waste money on a week-end away for a hen do.

My hen do was a meal in the local pub for 5 of us. They covered my meal costs. I didn’t actually want a hen do at all but my friends insisted. The wedding was just immediate family at the registry office.
I hate fuss!

I’ve only ever been to one other hen do and that was to see a show in our local city and back to brides house for pizza and drinks. It was very nice but an evening out is as much as I’m willing to support.

As to expecting the bridesmaid to buy their own dresses. I’d be shopping on the local charity shop and seeing what I could tart up. My own wedding dress was a pretty summer dress from Monsoon so I wouldn’t be wasting money on buying an expensive frock for someone else’s wedding. Not a chance(r)!

I wouldn’t go given the cost nor do I know many people that will. It’s far to expensive plus a lot of people may end up in financial difficulties with the current crisis. I certainly would not be spending money on bridesmaids dresses etc. She will be lucky to get 10 people to attend at that price.

Wedding is next year, as is hen. She is taking now because of the current financial climate and giving people enough wanting/time to save.

I feel your pain OP. I’m one of two bridesmaids for my best friend and it’s been a nightmare planning her hens (yes, that was hens in the plural) which are now cancelled anyway due to the V word.
On one hand she didn’t want people paying too much, on the other she wanted every luxury and add on you can think of.
To add to the problems, most of the hens don’t know each other, her mother and MIL don’t get on, one of her SILs to be (who bride doesn’t even like but couldn’t leave out) has been nothing but a thorn in our side every step of the way.

It’s all just awkward AF and to be honest if I wasn’t a bridesmaid and it wasn’t my oldest friend who I regard as a sister (current baffling bridezilla state aside) I wouldn’t be paying over £200 to go on this awkward, expensive weekend.

Some of the hens have already pitched in with what didn’t suit them personally about what was planned, so I look forward to planning the rematch next year... give me fucking strength

I dont think you will have many takers. I would put the full breakdown of the weekend and costs. Be clear that the cost is based on everyone attending and possibly could increase. I suspect very few will tale you up on it

Personally I wouldn't spend that on myself to attend a hen do for a weekend

I think it sounds reasonable for 2 nights away in a lovely place - does that price include the cocktail making and the spa pool thing?

These people who went abroad, where on earth did you go?
I'd much rather spend that money or a little more to get away from Scotland!

If she wants her hens to spend this sort of money on her hen night I would love to see her gift list as I bet there won’t be a £10 chopping board on there.

She will be lucky to get 10 people to attend at that price.

In that case the price will double.

Agree with those saying not to book unless everyone pays in advance, unrefundable.

FFS - 'giving people time to save' how fucking considerate. What a bell end. If she thinks people are willing to save for a year for her hen do she is utterly deluded.

I wouldn’t want to be spending more than £250 for a hen weekend. And, as you say, you aren’t even doing anything? I bet lots won’t come.

This is an absolute nightmare. Another example of the wedding machine industry materialism. Does anyone actually enjoy these functions? I can think of anything worse and would not go if I was paid. This year of all years to even think of it is mindbogglingly obscene. She need sto look around at whats happening in the world and think again big time

Whatever happened to e few women having an evening out?

No one is going to commit and pay for any kind of event like this right now anyway so it is somewhat immaterial. This will not change for the next few weeks at least, and probably longer.

It sounds a bit boring for £300! Its essentially sharing a double bed in a house with a hot tub for 48hrs. Im not sure you'll get many takers.

Whatever happened to going to the sodding pub? Why must it be 3 nights in a cottage, an activity, a slap up meal, having a bath together - sorry I mean hiring a jacuzzi? Etc?

Seriously can someone tell me what happened to just going to the pub and getting hammered?

I would probably pay up to go if it was a good friend, but i would personally prefer more time in the spa & pool. Is the extra £400 for one day of spa use only, or could you have it on day 1 too, for those arriving early?

It's the time as much as the money. There's no way I'd want to spend 3 days with a group of people, even if I liked them.