Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

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I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

YANBU
I personally would spend that for a very close friend if it was what they really wanted to do but I can understand anyone who wouldn’t want to.
In your shoes I’d cost it up as she wants and then seek interest. If 10 of the 20 say no then she might rethink.
Wrt the cost of being a bridesmaid, that’s an individual call. As long as she’s upfront about you needed to buy your own dress etc then I think fair enough.

There is no one who would think that was a small amount, within this group.

She'll soon realise she's being ridiculous when no one wants to go.

That's ridiculous. Can all the guests afford that? If you don't, you need to tell her. It's her hen do so important to her, but not nearly so important to the other guests. Completely self centred.

She does realise that the influencer did not pay to stay there, and very possibly was paid for the privilege?

That amount of money PLUS having to cook and bring one of the meals themselves? Nope.

That's basically one full day and an evening, right? No, I wouldn't pay £300+ for that.

I think it's too much money for what's on offer. She's very selfish to expect her loved ones to spend an unreasonable amount on her, especially in the current climate! Also 20 people on a hen do? Just no.

Having been to a lot of "big house" weekends with groups we normally split the cost per adult and not by the size of the bed! We had a house booked for an upcoming trip (now cancelled) and were paying less than £150 per adult for 3 nights accommodation so yours sounds expensive to me, even with the spa included.

I'm currently planning a friends hen and she set a budget of £300 and it's a 1 day spa/meal! I thought it was pricey but she said all of her hens would be ok with that budget- and they were. Apart from me but I don't have a choice 😂

When did hen night become hen weekend/holiday/week/etc? Fuck that. I'd tell her to organise it herself then.

YANBU.

I just dont understand the mindset that some brides have that their big day means just as much to everyone else as it does to them, and that they will be thrilled to splash out for an event they dont choose, with people they dont know, possibly forsaking their own holiday etc to be able to afford it/take time off work.

I'm getting married in the autumn (well, I should be anyway) and from day one I've made it clear to my bridesmaids that I will be paying for their dresses and make up. My sisters are my joint maids of honour and I've asked that my hen do be one night in a country cottage air b'n'b for a slumber party. Good home cooked food, girly games and films, and a few bottles of champagne. I would be mortified if it cost more than 100 per person, and have said I will pick up the extra if it runs higher than that. Although according to MN I'm a bridezilla as I wanted to choose my own wedding date and not run it past mine and DP's large family first

I'm of the opinion you cant buy atmosphere, and if you're forcing everyone to pay squillions to socialise with people they barely know then you can have all the Insta glamour you like but it will be crap.

In my opinion OP you need to have a frank discussion with her. I would come at it from the angle that if everyone is happy, it will be more fun. Explain what she is asking of people and point out they have their own lives, families and commitments. Would she pay ~£400 to mingle with her fiance's brother's girlfriend's friends and family?

I think a good compromise would be to cut it to one night in the lodge, but jam in as many activities as you can. Sitting around filling the hours with people you barely know will be tedious for everyone, if there are lots of activities it makes socialising easier.

Good luck, let us know what happens!

Christ alive, I don't understand the whole hen and stag weekends away. My wedding is booked for August (if it goes ahead) and we're doing the whole thing - service, meal and evening do for less than £1000. My hen do was going to be a local meal and a very reasonably priced restaurant.
Obviously I know most people spend way above that, but it's the audacity to expect other people to pay hundreds all for ones own ego trip (to put it politely). I'm so glad my friends are not high maintenance.

Will people want to do the pot luck thing, which presumably will mean bringing pre cooked food with them on a sizeable car / train journey? I would rather just order a takeaway in for the increase it'll be in cost (not much).

This is the out of order bit
So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
I would collude with the others to say 'we're all getting these dresses (pick something inexpensive you'll wear again) and doing our own make up'. If she doesn't like it, she can pay herself for what she does want.

I think she will be disappointed at the poor turnout. I don't think planning anything right now is a good idea. No-one knows what their job situation is going to be like.

I wouldn't plan anything until things get back on an even keel.

I fell out with my childhood best friend for exactly this type of thing when she got married. The costs were spiralling into literally £1000’s. She wanted no less than three hen dos, one being a week long all inclusive holiday abroad with people I hardly knew. Oh and she made us pay for own dresses Well rid.

I think that’s ridiculously expensive.

I’ve organised a 2 hens for my friend 1 abroad ( with the bridesmaids) and 1 here (inc stepds to be, mums, aunties etc)

And it’s come to £400 (£100 for home £300 for away)

That includes (away); 3 x nights in Spain with food, flights, villa with a swimming pool, wine tour and go karting.
And at the one at home includes; theatre show, afternoon tea, overnight in a barn, all food and drink.

How long has she given every one to come up with the money?

She's being utterly ridiculous.

Nobody cares enough about her wedding to want to fork out that much money for her hen do.

From reading about hen dos on MN I think the moral of the story is to never get roped into organising one.

Although personally I miss the days when a hen night was a meal out, drinks and maybe a club. Much more affordable and accessible.

Well quite. Mine was a few drinks around town with the girls (then home in a shopping trolley )

Mind you this was back in the dim and distant past (1980s) I don't know when the trend for hen / stag "weekends" rather than "nights" really caught on.

I think after we get through the current situation people will be re-evaluating what’s important and £3/400 on a delusional brides hen do won’t be one of them.
She’s having a wedding she can’t afford, what a cheek asking bridesmaids to buy everything themselves, has she even saved to pay for this wedding? Does she know what a budget is?
Think your parents need to have a word.

I wouldn't pay that amount to sit in a lodge for a weekend eating food from the supermarket and doing a couple of activities. I would spend it if we were going to an interesting city and doing fun stuff for the weekend. So to me it is not so much the price, but what I would be getting for the money spent that would make me not want to go.

That’s a random selection of people she’s got on the list. Has she invited them as space fillers? If so they’re not likely to come once they see the price are they? Why doesn’t she rethink it, invite just her closest friends and do something more realistic / less motivated by instagram?

Also what is the plan for Day 2? That’s a huge amount of nothing - I wouldn’t want to hang round a house with loads of people I didn’t know well and nothing to actually do.

That's ridiculous!- I would decline the invite even if she was my sister.
Why would I want to pay £300+ to play games in some random lodge and a jacuzzi which is basically what the spa is. It's not really a spa is it. Its not like you are getting pampered and spoilt it's literally a hot tub!
If it was a hen overseas I would consider it and if I could afford it but for what she wants to do - no chance!