Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

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I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

I wouldn’t pay that.
I also would worry about people saying they would go then pulling out and putting everyone else cost up

If you do go ahead with it then make sure everyone pays up front rather than collecting deposits and risking them dropping out nearer the time and leaving six of you with a £1000+ bill

I would pay that for a nearest and dearest and doing something great but not for that, it just sounds a bit dull and an odd mix of people coupled up together, sorry!

Hen dos just are not important enough to take that kind of money out of the family budget. It would be a ‘No’ from me.

I would be telling her to get lost. That is absolutely ridiculous to ask anyone to pay that for a hen do, and I personally wouldn’t be asking my bridesmaids to be paying for anything.

What happened to hen dos in the house? Why do a lot of brides have to try and outdo someone else.

Bad enough she expects her bridesmaids to stump up £4-500 for dresses hair and makeup for her wedding. Fuck no.

She is being unreasonable. Of course she is ... but you can just tell her no, you can't afford to spend hundreds of pounds (and the amount will increase) on a weekend on top of ridiculous wedding costs.

I'd pull out. Tell her you love her but she she has no right to spend other people's money for them in this manner.

Yanbu, she needs to be realistic.

However I am always on these threads at the number of people who say: "Hen dos weren't like this in 1986 when I got married"

I fucking hate hen do’s at the best of times, there is no way I’d spend half a mortgage payment on it!

Just realised when you tote it up that is £5300 for two days in a lodge, fuck that.

So you ask her 20 mates, half decline so your £300 odd quid a night turns into £600 odd as you have to cover the cost between those going. So the remaining 8 go 'fuck that' so it's you and your dsil left. She doesn't see why she should pay for her own hen do and you end up with a bill for nearly 6 k for two nights in a twatty lodge with a pissed off sil errrr no

I’d not spend that much on a hen do in either time or money.

I certainly would also be declining an invite to be a part of the wedding yet expected to fork out for the costs. It shouldn’t cistern a bridesmaid anything imo.

Tell your sister you don’t feel happy asking for that sort of money from people for what they actually get.
With the bridesmaid thing, I agree with a PP, work with the other bridesmaids to pick dresses you will all want to wear again and then do your own hair and make up. If she wants something else then she pays.

TBH, your sister sounds like a spoilt idiot and I’d be happy to miss the hen do and then go to the wedding as a guest not a bridesmaid. It will be a lot cheaper and a lot less hassle.

In awe of these “ we went abroad all travel food drink accommodation for £150” type posts! Where the hell did you go?

Shocking to ask bridesmaids to buy their own dresses that’s utter cringe

It sounds fun, but that's A LOT of money to ask ppl to stump up. I know most of my friends wouldn't pay that amount, I always look for bargains when planning group activities.

I live in the US now and I've also been shocked at the idea that bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, etc. It seems to have started here and I think it's terrible! One of my friends had to pay for a hideous green dress that she instantly got rid of afterwards, she wasn't happy at all.

I'd tell your sister that it's unlikely many ppl will want to come at that price so what's the point? If she likes spa treatments, what about a day package at a local spa? I don't think they're exactly cheap either, but got to be cheaper than £310.

All the 'activities' - board games,cocktail class, jacuzzi can be done at a daytime spa and you can get deals for £100pp using places like Groupon/Wowcher.

I would not pay £300+ to do the above - and then spend even more on travel!
The accommodation is where most of that cost is going - and i would not pay the same amount as those in a double.

Then you're paying for all your food/meals.

I would not be impressed at being asked to shell out upwards of £500 for all this....for 2 nights...!

Anyway, is it a good idea to be booking things right now given the current climate?

This hen do thing in the UK is bonkers

I wouldn't be going. Especially if people dropped out and the price went up. Could you not do one night instead of two as a compromise?

As one of those oldies who got married 20 years ago, I just had a brilliant night out with my friends. Gourmet meal, champagne, clubbing afterwards. Didn't invite any older relatives as we were determined to misbehave.

I can only remember parts of the evening, but it was great.

However I am always on these threads at the number of people who say: "Hen dos weren't like this in 1986 when I got married"

Why ? They weren't! At least I didn't know anybody who did that.

I paid less than that for my friend’s 4 day hen do abroad

Also the bait and make up thing is stingy. If you don’t want to cover the cost, let them do their own hair and make up ffs.

Hair not bait

I wouldn't go, & I would resign in your shoes.

I'm sure it's true, but you would kind of expect things to change over the course of 30-40 years!

I don’t think it sounds all that, it would be ok if the bride to be was rich and organising a chef and a bar but pot luck and bring your own drinks sounds very budget and quite boring.

I doubt many people will go now. When is it as if cv continues she. May not even have a wedding. Yanbu.