Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

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I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

The reply about the jacuzzi rota literally has me in stitches. Guys, you live once, I’m assuming this hen do is being arranged for a years time (we usually arrange them as soon as the wedding is set which is almost always a year away) so therefore £300 over 12 months is £25 a month. OP came on here asking for opinions, my opinion is that £300 is an approximate cost for residential hen dos (at home or abroad). No, I’m not rich but I manage my finances so that I have spare to actually enjoy time not being a mum or wife for a couple of days. You’d all be shocked to hear how much the majority of stag dos cost haha x

Whatever you decide, get the money upfront and pay by cc.

I’m so not having a hen do this time around. That is an outrageous sum of money together with the extras for the day. I’m paying all my BMs costs for the day and I ought to sort a pressie, but I wouldn’t appreciate that sort of cost nor would I expect anyone to stump up that much cash for my own shindig.

Guys, you live once, I’m assuming this hen do is being arranged for a years time (we usually arrange them as soon as the wedding is set which is almost always a year away) so therefore £300 over 12 months is £25 a month. OP came on here asking for opinions, my opinion is that £300 is an approximate cost for residential hen dos (at home or abroad). No, I’m not rich but I manage my finances so that I have spare to actually enjoy time not being a mum or wife for a couple of days. You’d all be shocked to hear how much the majority of stag dos cost haha x

Oh, that ol' chestnut 'You have tons of time to save, to spunk it all on someone's dictats', 'It's only £x a month!' and assumption anyone can save it or they're just fuckwits when it comes to money. Or that it's some kind of treat to go on these ridiculous hen and stag do's. I'm shocked by how many self-absorbed people think it's okay to ask their friends to blow loads on their jolly.

You haven’t answered if she is planning to pay her share?

Personally it would be a no from me . I am waiting for a refund on my holiday of a lifetime but no business is stable enough at this point I would put down even a deposit for anything - who knows which businesses that survive. Sad but true.

I do think how people spend money will be profoundly changed - time will tell I guess

Op says she expects her parents to pay

Oh that's the wedding. Parents said they would pay X, she already wants them to pay Y.

No idea about the hen yet. I'm not dealing with that shit right now 😂😂

Or that it's some kind of treat to go on these ridiculous hen and stag do's.

Hun, with this attitude no one wants you there don’t worry

Having to share a bed with someone would be a flat out no from me

Sorry re-read it and everyone would have their own room.. but l can see you're not going anyway. Phew!

When you break down the cost it is an awful lot of money for so little, like you say if there was more involved in that price it would be understandable.

However @aivilodraw makes a valid point , spread the cost it’s not that much. Why don’t you suggest your sister pays for dinner instead of pot luck to thank her guests for taking the time to celebrate with her?

Also you fighting with her isn’t really in the spirit of it , people can choose to go or not to. Like you say it pushes the cost up and of people then refuse your sister will have to go back to the drawing board. I haven’t rtt in full sorry but have you offered alternative ideas , in a gentle manner?

I think it sounds like my worse nightmare! Gosh it is very expensive and not at all intimate - sorry I wouldn’t go. Considering the current climate also many people may struggle to find such ‘spare’ cash...... you must try to speak to her it is definitely bridezilla! X

@TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg It’s really simple though , don’t go then. No one should feel pressured , just say thanks but that’s just not how much I’m wanting to spend , would love to have dinner and a drink another time , let’s get something in the diary.
If the hen is annoyed then again that’s her problem.
However she does have the right to request a hen party of her choice , whether she’s massively trying to project a lavish lifestyle or not, she’s not the first or last and maybe it’ll be brilliant and that’s all she ever wanted ... who the frig knows.
What’s not cool is judging her, or forcing her to change her mind just because it’s not to your taste.

the Double/Single bed thing is the least of your worries - the likelihood of only three dropping out will mean that everyone gets a double bed.
And pays a lot more.

Sounds like a typical hen do to me...which is why I now find an excuse not to go to any more.

That is really not too bad for a few days hen do. When I was bridesmaid, where we went to London. Up the London Eye, party bus, Shard for afternoon tea, naked butler. By the time the weekend was done. We had spent over £1000. All in, trains, food drink. Lord knows how much the folk coming in from the states spent. As to whether or not I thought it worth it. She is one of my best friends we had a great weekend, but I probably could have gone to the Caribbean for the same price.

YANBU - she sounds a nightmare. I wouldn't go to that, and if I was close enough with the bride and was invited, I'd say why. Considering you then have to pay for travel, food and drink for the hen weekend and then hotel, gift, travel, drinks for the actual wedding, you could be looking at a grand all in - nope.

A very good friend of mine was supposed to be getting married abroad this summer - long haul flight, villa itself over £800 then flights (to popular tourist destination during summer holidays), spending money, gift (!? still expected I presume) etc, for what will amount to a week's holiday as there's no point doing less for the distance. It's in a destination I've never wanted to visit, and I haven't had a holiday abroad in 4 years. My friend is really upset and hurt that I said I wouldn't be coming and I just don't understand why, unless all your friends are loaded, which ours really aren't, you would be surprised when someone declines spending the cost of 2 years' holidays on your wedding in a place that is very Marmite to visit. They're having a party in the UK when they're already married and I will visit and give a speech (to give you an idea of how close we are), party the night away, give them a gift and show them how much I love them, but some people are really, really selfish when it comes to their weddings.

I think you will find a lot wont attend.

I would not want to go to this. Even for a BF or a DS this is a lot of time and money. I think a hen do that is more than one evening is narcissism, or keeping up with the Joneses, or both. I expect she will invite 20 people and 4 of them will say yes, because it's such a big commitment in money and time. It will fizzle and end up being dull.

I would point out that the influencer your DS is trying to emulate probably got her hen do for free from the venue, in an attempt to lure dupes like your sister into paying to go there. And the influencer would have lots of "friends" who would come, especially if it's free. Most of us do not have 20 friends who are happy to give up three days and 400 quid to celebrate a wedding we are going to spend even more time and money on later on. Most people would considers themselves lucky to have one friend like that. Never mind having 20.

Fortunately, in the current climate, I think you have an easy out. You can plead unstable financial circumstances among her friends and say you think you should be sensitive to people who might be broke and cut back to a night out.

When did hen dos stop being a fun night out out and become this whole drama? So cringworthy!

YANBU at all. I've been on a couple of hen do's where things were ridiculously expensive because the bride wanted x, y and z, and the level of resentment and undercurrent from the party was just sad.

The best hen do I've ever been on was my friends last summer - we rented an air bnb in Spain, genuinely the most fun ever just lunging from bar to bar and having fun with no "I need to do this, I want a cocktail masterclass" nonsense.

To be honest, if there were ever a year when there was a good excuse for reverting to a dinner+drinks+optional clubbing then this is it! She will probably get a better turnout anyway.

Someone needs to sit her down and make her face realities.

I would go for £310 actually. BUT I am an introvert and having 20 other women around, half of whom are strangers, would not appeal. 5 or 6 good friends - lovely.

BUT I wouldn’t go for £600, and that’s what it is going to end up at when half the invitees decline.

Also, reminder her that the "influencer" was more than likely sponsored to stay there, and given a free weekend with everything laid on to advertise and promote it so that the influenced would stump up stupid money to stay there and self-cater.