Has Dsis lost the plot or am I tight? Hen weekend ...

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I know you love a bridezilla so here we go ...
I'm at the start of planning my Dsis hen do and since day one she has wanted one venue for the weekend. She wants it because she saw a social media influencer go there for an event, and I'm being deadly serious.

The place is lovely right enough, all modern and techy and for an extra £400 we can have access to the 'spa' - two eight seat jaccuzis, champagne bar and fridge, 20ft spa pool.

There is a mixed age range - mid twenties through to 60s.
Sister is looking at 2/3 nights and wants to do cocktail making. That is her only ask (other than the venue).

So far I thought about -
Arrival on day 1, drinks in the lodge and games. Pot luck for dinner wher everyone brings a dish.

Day 2 - breakfast, I'd do a homemade afternoon tea, drinks, using the spa, cocktail class in house, games and then pizzas for dinner.

Day 3 - breakfast, pack and tidy and leave.

So far my DSis has 20 guests, the place can sleep more than that which is fine. However, 17 guests will get a double bed and 3 a single. I don't think it's fair to charge the same for those three guests but DSis disagrees.

So for those 2 nights with spa, two breakfasts, one lunch, two dinners, cocktail making and games it would cost roughly £310 if everyone went. People would need to buy their own drink, petrol to get there etc.

I think this is a fucking joke. £310 for what amounts to not a lot of actually doing stuff and forced group games.
My sister thinks it's a great deal.
She even thought about adding another night and a dinner in the local pub for an additional £80 each - £390 plus drink.

I've just stopped speaking to her at the moment.
On top of this she wants her bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and makeup. So before the day 4 of us are looking at £500-£600 in expenses.
She is the type to always want what others have and has picked a venue where a glass of wine is around £7/8, a vodka with no mixer is £6.50 etc. And she cannot afford what she has booked so far and expects parents to pick up the tab.

So how does the MN jury feel -
Yabu - sounds reasonable, leave her alone.
Yabu - money doesn't grow on trees, what a rip off.

Lodge hen’s always work out more expensive! For my friend that wanted a lodge, I ended up paying £300 for a lodge that ended up being 20 mins up the road from my house and we had to faff to organise our own food/drinks/entertainment.

The second hen I was involved in planning, we paid £70 each for 3 nights AirBnb, £90 flights so £160 for a weekend in a European city. We booked a spa day and wine and cheese tasting when there for £90pp, so it will still cheaper with activities included. As it’s a cheap city, no one spent more than £70 on additional food/drinks so total cost was similar. Apart from the planned activities we were able to just mooch around the city, sight see, stopping for wine/food!

I know which one felt better value/easier to organise though.... I also found the group for the city break to be much quicker to cough up and I’m 100% sure it was because it was far better value.

Yanbu. She's fucking delusional. Especially so in the current climate.

That's insane. If invited I'd decline.

For context the lodge was 2 nights and the city break 3!

Tell her just to be bloody thankful if all her guests survive coronavirus and are able to attend the wedding...
And to shove her hen do plans up her arse..
Imo...

I would just look for a similarly nice venue.
With this virus many venues are going to be needing future bookings and should price accordingly.
When is the Hen party?
My dd had hers in March and with cocktail making, afternoon tea and a hot tub worked out about £180 pp for 18 people.
Obviously the cost varies according to the season.

Before it all got cancelled, for my friends hen we were going to Alicante for 4 days. Flights, accommodation, transport, food, drink & activities was costing everyone £300

I’d be fuming if I was asked to pay over £300 for a UK hen which didn’t include transport!

It's too expensive and unreasonable to ask people to spend so much. It doesn't seem like you are getting much for the money, plus the travel and drinks, as well as the actual wedding costs. If I was invited to this I would politely decline based on cost and spend the money on holiday instead.
Depending when you are planning this, would some of the guests have had a financial hit from not working at the moment? It could be difficult to get everyone on board with the plan.

So if it's working out at £310 based on 20 guests, an optimistic guess might see 15 attend which presumably will take it up to £400.

I don't think £310 sounds ridiculous for what you're proposing but I wouldnt want to be paying any more and in truth, 3 days with 20 people some of whom won't know each other in one lodge sounds like absolute carnage. I'd find out how many are realistically likely to come before booking anything and bare in mind, what people could afford a month ago may not be what they can afford now!

She is however being totally unreasonable to expect you to pay for dresses hairdresser and make up as the bridal party. My response will be I'll choose my own dress that I can wear again then and do my own hair and makeup thanks.

When did hen parties become multi-night stays? Can’t think of anything worse.

My hen party was quite pricey. I didn't plan any of it though in my defence. Surprised people paid for it!

I think hers sounds fine. I'd pay that for a close friends hen do!

Your sister is more invested in her Insta life than in her friends and family. That tells you all you need to know.

Ask her if she’s rather have 5 people at this venue or all 20 at a house party with abundant food and booze.

I would not spend that much to attend anyone hen do. I subsidised mine for people so I could have what I wanted without everyone emptying their pockets. Is that an option?

This is a similar figure to my friends hen do which is a long weekend in Marbella - flights and accommodation. No way would I pay that for a weekend in this country.

If I were her future BILs GF, I'd skip it.
She needs to lower her expectations and book for actual attendees not pie-in-the-sky maybe if the moon is waxing and the sun is in jupiter etc...

Although personally I miss the days when a hen night was a meal out, drinks and maybe a club. Much more affordable and accessible.

This. My hen do was an evening out, meal, dancing, home. everyone I wanted to come could come and that was more important to me than having a flashy do.

I really don't like the modern obsession with whole weekends/going abroad for hen/stag do's as it's just not fair on everyone as they either pay a hell of a lot of money or feel awkward about declining. I've declined a few and just said I can't afford it. I could, I'd just rather spend the equivalent money on my family.

Some brides fail to grasp that their hen do/wedding is far more important to them than everyone else!

I accidentally pressed wrong button so ignore a tiny bit of the vote
If her friend are as flashy entitled as she is then they will be happy to do that
Expecting bridesmaids to pay for their own dress hair and make up is not ok the bride pays for that but she sounds like she will get what she wants she needs to be prepared to get lots of Agro as the person in the middle

Haha mine and was a meal and drinks in comparison, so not how we were brought up.

I'm glad I'm not the only one scratching their head going "what the fuck".

YANBU. I’d refuse to go, waaay to much money plus the added expense of the actual wedding. Sounds like a spoilt brat with no concept of money.... especially as this pandemic will effect people’s finances for years to come!

As a PP said, it really depends on her friend group. I know lots of groups where that would be standard and others where it wouldn't.
It's obvious you think it's too much. But lots of people prefer paying to 'stay in and sit about' in nice surroundings rather than going out and doing lots of activities.

The trouble is, its a fixed price, and if someone wants to just come for 1 night they still have to pay for more.

And if someone doesn't want to come, more price for everyone else.

So i'd try and find somewhere that is more flexible, and people pay for what they want.

Is she expecting all the guests to pay for her too?

Dont book due to covid19 ppl losing jobs and no idea when things may be able to do things again

I can't believe that I just went out for a pizza for my hen do a billion years ago

Lol she wants to add another day too? How much attention does she want! 4 days of “look at me I’m the glam bride to be”. Ugh so self-indulgent and superficial, especially in a group of 20 people who likely aren’t that close to one another 🤢.