To be furious with my parents

[SamsMumsCateracts]

They are in their sixties, DDad has a health condition, and they are just not following guidelines. They keep popping out, together and independently for completely unnecessary things from the shops, think gardening items, sweets, magazines etc. These are two intelligent, educated people, who fully understand and use the internet, so they don't need to pop out for a Take a Break etc.

My DM has also been going to visit my 92 year old a great Aunt who barely made it through the last year health wise.

They keep insisting that I pop the kids in the car and drive to theirs to exchange Easter and birthday gifts for the DC, then get angry when I try to explain why we won't be doing that, as apparently all their friends are doing it, "it's only one little trip, it won't matter", etc.

I'm fed up of being made out to be paranoid and neurotic, when I'm just trying to keep us all safe.

Anyone else feel like their parents just don't get it?

On the other hand there was a couple in their 20s in Morrisons today who had clearly never heard of social distancing and were oblivious to all the people dodging out their of their way.

I finally convinced mine not to leave the house. To start they did not take it seriously. This was when Boris was talking about taking it in the chin and operation last gasp 😠😠😠. Mum was saying we have to be stoic. Luckily they finally decided to stay in when the deaths started 😭

My in-laws are a bit one that , I can’t talk to them .
My parents haven’t left the house for 3 weeks nor has my sister who is their carer .
So I’ve got both sides !

I'm afraid that they aren't the only ones. My MIL thought it was fine to have the mobile hairdresser to visit!! They refuse to register as "vulnerable" inspite of major health conditions because they think that if they register then the police will arrest them if they step foot outside!! We've taken the view that they are grown ups and there's only so much you can do for them.

Maybe being even more blunt is the way to go, explaining that OK yes they've got to 'go' at some point, but surely they'd rather go with all their family around them to hold their hand and see them on their way with love, rather than alone, and in horrendous pain, while they literally drown in their own fluids!!

From what friends have said, a lot of older people are doing this. It's like they refuse to be told what to do and are going to carry on regardless.

That was v thoughtful post/suggestions hoodathunkit.

What I’ve pointed out to a few people is that yeah ok, you might get it and be ok. But think about all the people you might come into contact with whilst in incubation, including frontline healthcare workers if you need to be admitted. Then imagine these people that will likely become infected and take it home...to their families, to their kids. Some of whom may die. Do they really want that on their conscience?! Staying home doesn’t just protect them, but everyone else they may come into contact with that they don’t need to.

My name here means old person in New Guinea where I worked for many years. I am almost 86 and read the thread with interest. Some of us lived through all the bombing raids in WW2 and survived the awful circumstances when our fathers were called up to fight and our mums often were also working in munitions factories ( this was my experience in Liverpool. I do think, many older people do not grasp or care as much as younger people about the virus. I am sitting this situation out in St Lucia staying with my son and three dogs. I have taken a calculated risk as the care for victims here is not sophisticated.

I am sorry so many of you have parents who want to go out. When you are long retired and lack of a hinterland to overcome boredom, going for a walk is a great alternative. If they pop to the shops as their daily exercise they probably think they is not doing anything wrong but they do underestimate the danger.

I went out in our vehicle today with a mask and sanitiser even though I never got out! Our PM closed the island down for a week with no prior warning ...nobody except essential health, fire and police were allowed out. This week only supermarkets are open and son wanted me to see the length of queues. It was horrendous and despite all warnings about social distance the people mainly not elderly were not observing it. So here it Is not elderly people flouting the rules!

I do understand the frustration of many of you. But changing the habits of many years is not easy. I must say that when my daughter regales me with the news at home I get very frustrated as I have rigged up fire sticks, VPN’s and have Amazon Prime so I see the same news and watch all UK television and have my iPhone tuned to LBC or BBC Radio.
At my age I am more techie than two of my children.

Love reading Mumsnet and learning about your lives. I read your posts daily but felt as one of the Ancients I should join in!

fot those whose parents keep going shopping, would it make a difference if you talked to them about how utterly terrifying retail workers find it when they come in every day to buy non essentials?? Even if they feel no stress or worry themselves do they care about the stress and worry they are deliberately causing to these people who have no choice but to serve them?

Hairdressers shouldnt even be working now

im hoping tmorrow cobra meeting will shut down more shops at least-they all seem to think theyre essential i mean the range?

getting tired of hearing peoples excuses on why they have to go out to buy something every day-hope lockdown is tightend aswell

We only have son and daughter who don’t live with us, they are finding it difficult not seeing us so FaceTime is fab. Dad lives over 100 mile away so distance is nothing new there. Hubs has just been furloughed and I am a key worker on Easter break. We take turns doing shop runs for essentials and meds and spend all our days at home.

What really pisses me off is the amount of visitors coming and going next door. Yes, the neighbours are in their mid to late 60s but they are fully capable of looking after themselves and indeed, often take care of grandchildren but out of the last eight days, they’ve had visitors on 6 of those days from family members and friends of all ages. These are intelligent people so what makes them different from the rest of us?

Cactuscube
Sorry to hear that. Not exactly a time you should say ‘I told you so’ but I bet a part of you wants to scream that at her. I hope she fully recovers

im actually finding its the opposite age group. I live at the bottom of a country lane, I see every day a group of ladies walk past with their dogs, all similar age approx n their 30,s
went for my own walk passed 3-4 couples all standing together talking not 2 metres apart, in fact one lady hugged one of the others. roughly late 20,s.
ive seen groups of men in their 20 -30,s cycling together in a group.
I could go on... so I dont think its a particular age group I think its just ignorant people who just dont care enough about them selves or their own familys if they would do this and put them at risk.

I had a conversation (over the fence) with my neighbour, about how awful the Corona Virus is. She said that people need to follow the rules and that they wont understand how bad it is until someone they are close to gets it. I agreed with her, but pointed out the guidelines apply to her as well, to which she said “oh, you know what I am like.”

She is about 75. She goes to visit her daughter and family, her daughter and 15 year old granddaughter come and visit her. She goes shopping with her daughter and granddaughter! Her other daughter, who is a key worker, came to stay for a long weekend and went home yesterday!

She knows the situation is serious. She knows she should be sticking to guidelines and she thinks that people should abide by them, but she ignores them! Her daughters ignore them!

To top it all she said to me earlier that she was going to paint her shed! She can’t paint her shed without coming in my small back garden. I have told her that she cannot come in it as we are in lockdown due to my husband being on the shielded persons list. She just laughed and said she would need to come and get some of my rhubarb anyway as the ‘family’ are nagging her to make some pies! 😮

My dad is 66 and taking it very seriously. He's in fairly good health but lives in sheltered accommodation with lots who are older so doesn't want to pass anything on.

It’s all very well these people saying ‘I’ve had my time I’m ok if I get it’ . They think that when the end comes that they will get into their nice comfy bed and go to sleep.
It’s not like that . The ones who have it bad and are admitted to hospital are not just a bit breathless , they are very very short of breath and if they need a ventilator they won’t find it a pleasant experience either. They will possibly need to be sedated and be on their own without their loved ones to hand . No , I’d rather try to avoid the virus

How I wish as an older person, I could stay at home and keep myself safe. I'm 60, work in aged care situation and have three underlying conditions which make me vulnerable. Because I don't have a condition which makes me "extremely vulnerable" in itself I can't get furloughed apparently, my only option would be to take statutory sick pay which wouldn't even cover my rent. I battle with my line manager on a daily basis over running errands to the shops/post office etc. for the residents (plenty of younger, fitter, staff members who I know from their gossip are still meeting up with friends at one another's houses and who would be eager for a jaunt out but no, I'm more trustworthy apparently despite the fact I've told her again and again, I'm going nowhere other than work and home (adult daughter shopping for me and even taking my car off the drive to fill it up regularly as petrol pumps are a particular danger zone apparently.)

Line manager's side kick, who shares an office with me gloating iver the fact her daughter (who lives with her) will be going into the front libe soo. As an ICU nurse with COVID patients ( and I have to share a small office with her, sitting less than four feet away.
The idea of being able to self isolate without going bankrupt within a month seems like utopia to me. I leave the house every morning absolutely terrified.

Oh nice way to think. Maybe tell them if they get it and are 'popping' everywhere then the retail workers and other shoppers will get it from them as well, usually when they are asymptomatic. Those people then infect others etc including their whole family.

They are being bloody selfish. It's not just about them in fact it's not about them at all if they don't give a shit it's about people around them.

My DH and colleagues are barely sleeping because of the stress of being at the front line in a grocery store. It's infuriating and down right fucking rude for some people to 'pop' in and out several times a day because they fancy it or won't change their routine or don't believe in it all.

My parents are in their 70s and are doing everything they should be... really hard as we always stay over In the school holidays (they live in rural yorkshire we live in London) we do regular video chats... maybe that would help? Failing that show them the daily death rate figures!

I've told my mother that if she dies from coronavirus, I won't be able to attend her funeral as I'm 400 miles away. This has focused her mind a bit and she's staying put.

Copy of the letter received

I don't sympathise that much with the 'I've had my time, what will be will be' attitude. First of all I think some people say that to deflect, they don't really want to give up, they just don't want to be given facts about this situation. Even if they are resigned to it...What kind of death have they previously envisaged? One in which they slowly drown alone and in the process of being ill potentially take many others down with them?

Are you sure they’re intelligent if they’re reading take a break?

Shopping is permitted as long as it’s infrequent. Therefore one person once a week is fine for two of us in the house. There are no rules saying every 7-10 days. DH does one shop and I do the second shop in a week.

I do though see many people at the supermarket with just a basket so that cannot be a weeks worth of shopping or even a few days. However if you don’t have a car, carrying bags home if you are older is a problem. So I think the elderly shop more frequently due to this.

Yesterday an elderly lady was completely ignoring social distancing. I couldn’t move out of the way due to a couple (some people seem incapable of shopping on their own) taking up all the space in the aisle. The old lady just tried to push through. I reminded her about social distancing as she tried to push around 3 of us and at first she ignored me. I then spoke more sharply and asked her to wait until there was space and she responded that she couldn’t see us. She had already been chatting away to other people so it was untrue. She was definitely oblivious to the rules and was carrying on as normal.