To be furious with my parents

[SamsMumsCateracts]

They are in their sixties, DDad has a health condition, and they are just not following guidelines. They keep popping out, together and independently for completely unnecessary things from the shops, think gardening items, sweets, magazines etc. These are two intelligent, educated people, who fully understand and use the internet, so they don't need to pop out for a Take a Break etc.

My DM has also been going to visit my 92 year old a great Aunt who barely made it through the last year health wise.

They keep insisting that I pop the kids in the car and drive to theirs to exchange Easter and birthday gifts for the DC, then get angry when I try to explain why we won't be doing that, as apparently all their friends are doing it, "it's only one little trip, it won't matter", etc.

I'm fed up of being made out to be paranoid and neurotic, when I'm just trying to keep us all safe.

Anyone else feel like their parents just don't get it?

All these selfish older people had better give up their beds in ICU if a youngster needs it

Why is MNHQ permitting all these elderly-bashing threads?

It’s so annoying when others are following the rules . Mainly because it is selfish . If they catch it by over exposure they will expect the nhs to support them and will not comprehend that other illnesses don’t stop and those people need help as well . It’s not about them it’s about thinking of others .

Yep. My Dsis and I have read the riot act to our parents several times. It’s just not getting through. DM still going to local supermarket every day. There is no need! My DM got really annoyed with me on the phone the other day. She seems to think I’m being bossy for the sake of it. It’s getting me down quite a bit TBH.

Boy,there is a lot of judgey ageism on this thread!
Obviously there are some stupid older people out there - there are stupid people in all age groups,making stupid decisions.

But this -
Mine went on a two mile walk (I doubt they could walk two miles but that's what they said) and sat in the park today  I wish the community police would see them and have a word.

• what is wrong with this exactly? A walk to the park ,allowed.Sitting - sensible before you walk home as long as you are 2m from others.Older people need exercise as well.Possibly more in fact, I read this morning that if older people lose physical condition it's unlikely to be regained.

- what is wrong with this exactly? A walk to the park ,allowed.Sitting - sensible before you walk home as long as you are 2m from others.Older people need exercise as well.

Because they are at high risk and in a vulnerable group due to health issues, as they said on the phone they other day they know they will die if they get it.

I don't think there is any need for rudeness or nastiness and this wasn't intended to be an elderly bashing thread, it was simply me airing my frustration with my parents and wondering if anyone else was experiencing similar.

They most certainly can and do go for walks, I have no problem with that whatsoever, nor do I take issue with going to buy food when they need it. I do however have a problem with them popping out for random unnecessary items, like magazines, pots for the garden, sweets etc, as well as trying to encourage myself and my sibling to drive over for visits, and them visiting my very fragile Aunt, who has a full time team of carers and really doesn't need them going in for no reason. If she catches it, she will die.

Please let's not turn this into an ageist thread. I would be saying the same if I had friends or adult children who were pushing the boundaries and being reckless with this.

My aunt, 76, keeps "popping" to the shops for a paper, or a pint, some excuse every day.

Now she is looking at buying a designer puppy so she can go out. Makes me sad, as I know it would give her company, but when life returns to normal she's usually abroad for months at a time!

I also certainly don't believe that it's a generational thing. It's an attitude thing. FIL is the same age as my parents and being extremely sensible about it all.

My DM is apparently ‘popping’ to The Range again tomorrow. This is the second time in under a week. She doesn’t actually need anything from there!

All of this popping here and there and yet at the same time she’s sharing stuff on Facebook about people breaking the lockdown rules.

Do you think that the fact that our 55-year old PM has got it and is so ill might make them see that it's pretty serious?

Lot of ageism on MN these days. Don’t these old ‘idiots’ know about The Rules?

@yearinyearout They had their letter yesterday. DDad has interpreted it his own way evidently 

@Quarantino we actually had this conversation a couple of days ago. The mother of a friend of DH's is in ICU at the moment. DM insisted that she must have a serious underlying condition and when told that she doesn't said, "well I don't believe that". It is very much like bashing my head against a brick wall.

Mine are doing my head in. They are both in their 80s and have no underlying health issues but DM said airily at the beginning, 'Oh we've assumed we'll probably get it and we'll probably survive'.

Wow. They are mostly staying in - but DM just pops out every 2-3 days for something apparently. (Probably more often but is very defensive about it). The other day when she mentioned she'd been out I got really annoyed and said, 'What on earth did you need now?' and she said, 'Well we'd run out of Weetabix'.

Christ. That was essential, was it? You couldn't have had a slice of toast. Or some porridge oats. Or, I dunno, a boiled egg...

I am despairing of them. They don't get it.

I've just had a blistering argument with my mother, who has been visiting her own mother (92!) three times a week.

Apparently it's fine though, because she sat at least a metre from her and didn't breathe in her direction. I fucking despair I really do.

DM wasn’t taking it seriously until lockdown (which she has observed properly) DF is on steroids, has a heart condition and had pneumonia badly a few years ago. I had to have a blunt conversation and stress to her that, if he caught the virus and had to go to hospital, nobody would be able to visit him, even if he was dying and that he could die alone and would not be allowed a proper funeral. That did get her attention.

This isn't elderly bashing, don't be so pompous. Elderly people who aren't following the rules deserve being called out just as much as anyone else.

l've said this before on other threads, so l apologise for repeating myself.
l work on a supermarket checkout. Or rather, l do, when l don't have Coronavirus symptoms. Currently in my second week of self isolating.

Even after the stores started implementing 'serious' social distancing, l found the hardest people to (try to) get to stick to the guidelines were older people.
l'm 61 myself, 62 this year. l'm talking older than me, in some cases, a lot older.
Some of them really either don't 'get' it, or seem to think it doesn't apply to them.
The last shift l worked before showing symptoms, l had an old, very frail couple at my checkout. They really shouldn't have been out, but of course, l don't know their circumstances or reasons for being there. They must have been in their 80s. Both myself and my team leader had to ask/tell them several times to "stay behind the line" or "stand on the dot" or "stand on the line at the back of the checkout". At one point the woman actually stood right in front of me, about a foot away, and had her bag on the checkout.
When l asked her again to please move back as she was ready to pay, she leaned right forward, her face must have been about 6" away from me, and said "What?"
As l said, the very next day l started noticing symptoms, so l must have had the virus when they were at my till. We were cleaning our checkouts regularly, disinfecting the card readers every 2 customers, and l was wearing gloves, but this lady was so close to me.
l've no idea if she or her husband are ok. l haven't been back to work since then.
These are the people who are concerning me. l don't know if they just have what l've seen described elsewhere as the 'blitz' mentality, or if they really don't understand how serious this is. lt's extremely worrying.

YANBU - I had a falling out the other day for suggesting that diabetic 70-something parents didn't need to keep popping out for unnecessary bits of shopping 3 times a week. God knows why they can't do one big shop. Won't engage with online shopping as it's easy to go in person and they wash their hands after They are also shopping for feckless younger relative who should be helping THEM out. Unfortunately I'm not near enough to do drop off but have threatened to start doing 6 hour round trips if they're not more sensible. It's maddening

I get it. My elderly uncle (79) is still going to Lidl daily even though the neighbours have offered to get him any thing he needs. I could scream!

I live miles away and have offered to get online shop delivered to him but he still insists on his 'daily jaunt' as he calls it.

I can totally understand elderly people thinking well, I've had my time, if I get it I get it. My old mum used to cook something in the frying pan, leave it over night still in the pan and eat it the next day!! When I told her to put it in the fridge she'd say we'll we all need to go one time or another...

This is the same. But what these old folks aren't thinking about is the beds they will be taking up when a younger person will be going without. That's the real problem here.
And saying this is ageist is plain stupidity.
Its common sense.
I found the older folks get, the more selfish and self centered they become. It's like evolution makes us all me me me in the teenage years then in later life we're all me me me again. Not a criticism, just what I've seen in my family.

@ssd I was commenting about something a poster said earlier. I don't mean to come across pompous

At 92 your aunt can make her own decisions - she may make very different judgments about risks, who visits her home etc than you would like.

Your parents not complying with guidance is crap, both for them and other citizens. Not much you can do about it though.

Is she visiting the 92 year old as a welfare visit? I think you can do that can't you? Obviously have to keep a distance/stay on the drive or whatever. The bus is mad, I wouldn't be catching a bus anywhere.

I put the Boris letter in the bin, unopened. We aren't stupid we've heard the advice, see it online. I don't need it on paper.

My GC will come round for eggs, they can walk round as their daily exercise and the eggs will be on the drive for them.

I’m another who had more than one blunt conversation with my parents. I pointed out to my mum that if my dad (80s, heart condition, high blood pressure) got it, they quite possibly wouldn’t admit him to hospital and she might find herself nursing him alone. The conversations were awful, especially when I wanted to be loving to them.

We also took lots of positive actions, such as finding delivery links and ordering things for them. Can’t give more direct help as we’re not in the same country. I was so glad when they finally began to isolate, around the time the lockdown was made official.

It’s ok to go to the shops a couple of times a week too. Once every 10 days isn’t ok if you like bananas and fresh bread!

Worth dying for is it? Fresh bread and bananas? Really!? Good luck with that.