To be furious with my parents

[SamsMumsCateracts]

They are in their sixties, DDad has a health condition, and they are just not following guidelines. They keep popping out, together and independently for completely unnecessary things from the shops, think gardening items, sweets, magazines etc. These are two intelligent, educated people, who fully understand and use the internet, so they don't need to pop out for a Take a Break etc.

My DM has also been going to visit my 92 year old a great Aunt who barely made it through the last year health wise.

They keep insisting that I pop the kids in the car and drive to theirs to exchange Easter and birthday gifts for the DC, then get angry when I try to explain why we won't be doing that, as apparently all their friends are doing it, "it's only one little trip, it won't matter", etc.

I'm fed up of being made out to be paranoid and neurotic, when I'm just trying to keep us all safe.

Anyone else feel like their parents just don't get it?

Goodness, I hoped that Johnson's plight might have brought it home to people that these precautions aren't to be ignored - it's extraordinary that it still isn't getting through to some people.

I've read some pretty horrific accounts of the experience of having C19 recently which show it is much worse than flu, which might be influencing your parents' thinking. I suggest you dig some of those out and send them links.

All these selfish older people had better give up their beds in ICU if a youngster needs it

So long as the younger ones that have been having picnics, sunbathing and barbecuing in the parks/beaches, plus the young families and couples that can’t possibly have just one person going to the shops, also give up their beds for the elderly people, then that’s fine. 🤷‍♀️

I’m so relieved my dad’s in a care home because there’s not a chance he’d have stayed home. He’d have been out shopping for the ‘elderly folk’ - he’s 93.

I think some get to their 80s and 90s and become quite phlegmatic about death - they didn’t necessarily expect to get much more than their ‘three-score-years-and-ten’ and have a quality over quantity attitude to what they see as ‘extra’ years. It’s just incredibly frustrating when you’re trying to get them to behave. Certainly in their sixties I’d be tearing my hair out,

@Dozer My Aunt is fragile of body, but thankfully not of mind, she's not happy and has told them that she doesn't need them to visit and that she'll happily talk to them on FaceTime (she's surprisingly capable with an iPad, does her own online shopping etc). She only needs the carers to help with her physical and mobility.

Mine are being the same, also the in laws

It does make me think, what is the point, of having the schools off, people stopping work, etc when they aren't engaging. they are the ones most likely to end up in the hospital

There appears to be a strong belief that "popping out" is somehow different from "going out", which is something you can condemn people on Facebook for.

I have been told "I just dashed out" (elderly MIL)

as if 'dashing' is OK .

My aunt (mentioned upthread) has told me that she goes out because she is lonely.

She's a 'young' 76, sports car, holidays abroad regularly, shops online, uses Skype etc.

I call her every day, she has friends that she can talk to and I suggested she volunteer - chat to others on the phone.

The reason is the excuse. The root cause is loneliness.
I tried to gently explain that rather this for a few months than risk her life (she's had cancer twice).

@Judycoolibar- I got Boris Johnson's letter today! Why did he think it was a good idea to write to the nation a letter each? As soon as I opened it I realised it was from him. I have not touched it or read it since! He believed he would not get the virus obviously and I hope all these letters are not infected. 10 Downing St. must be full of virus! Watch out for yours!

It's so difficult OP. I really feel sorry for you.

Mine (also 60s, one with a heart problem) were like this to begin with so my Mum went swimming a few days before lockdown and they wanted to pop to shops in town when it was already clear that we should only go out for essentials but they've been much better for the last 10 days. I couldn't have coped with them if they'd carried on ignoring the rules!

All these selfish older people had better give up their beds in ICU if a youngster needs it

The only people I've seen who are clearly breaching the lockdown rules are young people. Lads on their bikes, girls out together and today a group of 8 late teens hanging around together. Oh and a bloke in his 20s with very young children playing on a quad bike on a footpath. Where would they come in your bed heirarchy?

My bloody IL are driving me insane. They both “have to” go to the shops together. Several times a week.

Only FIL drives. “Send him with a list,” we say.
“He won’t do it properly and I like to choose myself,” MIL says.
“You go into the shop alone, then”
“No, I need him to push the trolley.”

My dad has been in isolation for 3.5 weeks as a vulnerable person. Both IL are also vulnerable but persist in going out.

@tara66

LOL nice one :-)

I wonder how many of the 4K plus deaths in this country could have been prevented. It’s an absolutely horrendous situation but being made much worse by people ( of whatever age) who think it doesn’t apply to them! 😡

I live in sheltered housing with over 55s, the vast majority 70+ and very few tenants are not like this.

By the time they appreciate how serious things are lots of my neighbours will get sick and many are likely to die.

Some of them are very unpleasant people but most are lovely people who simply do not believe that the virus will effect them and have so little going on in their lives that they cannot bear to relinquish the trips to the shop and the meets with friends and families that give their lives meaning.

I am have health conditions that put me at risk but I am nowhere near as vulnerable as the other tenants here. I have offered to buy their shopping, run errands, all kinds of things but they are uninterested and think I am a hysterical conspiracy theorist.

For weeks I have been telling them to be careful abour children and trying to warn them about the risks but they take no notice at all. Young children were visiting the flats here until just before the the lockdown.

I am dreading the next month as things are going to get very, very bad here. One tenant, my upstairs neighbour, has symptoms. There was an outbreak weeks ago in a nearby town that many local people travel to and from every day, or at least used to before the lock down.

A local supermarket has a one hour morning slot for vulnerable and elderly people. No way am I going to shop there at that time as it will be full of infected elderly people in denial.

I am so sorry for your situation OP. I wish I could give you helpful advice but elderly people will seldom be told anything.

This video, badly named, is actually quite helpful at explaining why elderly people find it so hard to change their behaviour in response to a threatening situation

I'd tell them in no uncertain terms how pathetic they are OP. You need to absolutely lose it with them if it's the only way you'll hit the message home.

Older people probably feel they are on "borrowed time" as my Nan used to say! Telling them to stay home wont work, as they have been telling us what to do for the best all our lives! I think a walk in the park is fine but many shops involve a lengthy wait and reduced supplies as well! The nice weather probably tempts them out too, and many old folk enjoy gardening .Hence the Range visits (why is it even open anyway?)

I had a horrible conversation with my mum. I made her cry.
She was saying she wasn't that worried. My dad is classed as extremely vulnerable and she was saying she thought it was all rubbish.

So I said-without mincing my words- if he gets it, he'll go into hospital and he won't get a ventilator and he'll die alone.

She cried - it was awful.

But they've stopped going out and having people round.

The way I saw it- when I was little, they had to keep me safe- even when I didn't like the rules. And now it's my turn to keep them safe.

I would tell them what I intend to do wrt following the guidelines and leave them to it, they are adults you cant make them obey you.

MiL only got the message after her outpatient appointment turned into a phone call and she got told off by the consultant for daily trips to the next village for inconsequential crap. She got the shielding letter and ignored it until he properly bollocked her over the phone.

People of all ages behave irresponsibly. I'm sick of all these elderly bashing posts .

I came on to say exactly what poshme said.. I live 250 miles away but said to my Mum did she think if she got ill that my brother would keep away?

I haven't seen any younger people taking the piss. I guess it depends where you live. My 19 Yr old hasn't seen a soul except us in over 2 weeks.

My parents are the same. I’m happy to shop for them and do. But what’s the point when then they admit they’ve been out again and again to the shops?

And it’s purely because they want to if we’re being honest. Although I think they want people to assume they’re soldiering on. They have no intention of stopping. I’ve pointed out the risks many times. Not only that they watch the news so can’t be unaware.

And they’ll fully expect medical intervention if or when they need it. Again I’ve pointed out the folly of that expectation. But the only conclusion I can come to is that they are incredibly selfish and don’t care about who else they put at risk or the extra pressure they potentially put onto the NHS. They’ve always been very self absorbed and this is how they are.

They have ongoing health issues but do not fall into a category to receive a specific letter. My father seems peeved that he has no letter with specific instructions and will therefore continue to go out. It all makes me want to explode.

Sorry posted too early..she cried when I said I might never see them again..she and my Dad are in their 80s and both already unwell.. tears all round but she hasn't been out since..