AIBU - partner of 15years not given plus one to best friends wedding?

[Smiliestar87]

Afternoon all,

I need to get some advice of people as how to best handle a dilemma. My best friend from university has just sent me a 'save the date' for May 2021 but it's only for me. My partner of 15 years has not been included. I have lived with him for almost 10 years but we aren't married.

The wedding is near Dover and I live in Lancaster - so going to require overnight accommodation and a very pricy train fair as I don't drive.

I'm honestly so upset - the groom knows my other half well. We've had him round for dinner several times and given celebrated together at our graduations (before he started dating the bride).

I don't know what to do? Do I say nothing? Do I try and ask for an plus one?

yes

It's a save the date, not an invitation.
Could they be sending them to the people that matter and not the 'other halves', and then when the invitation comes it would be to the both of you?

Personally I hate the idea of anyone not getting a plus one or option to bring a guest to a wedding so I'd say ask for one.

She can invite who she wants.

You can choose to go or not.

You don’t get to choose who goes with you.

It could be an error in the sense the actual invite might arrive with both your names. Just ask if this means your partner is not going to be invited.

“hi Friend

Got your save the date card, so excited, Dave and I can’t wait for the big day itself, hope you’re doing good, sending love xxx”

The save the date notification doesn't necessarily represent what will happen when invitations arrive.

My Niece sent just me a save the date ,I didn't query it with her as it's her choice who to invite . However when the actual wedding invitation arrived it included my husband and children . So if it was me I would hold on for the actual wedding invite to arrive and if he's still not included or you are not allocated a plus one space query it then .

*Dave and I can’t wait...”

Why would you send such a passive aggressive response? To a “best friend”?

It's fair enough to not want to go if you can't enjoy yourself without him. Sorry to say it does sound a bit feeble though - Lancaster to Dover and an overnight stay is not trekking the Hindu Kush. I'm sure you could manage it if you wanted to. And presumably there'd be other people you knew at the wedding to chat to, or even manage to chat to some new people. If it was a good mate, I wouldn't be worrying about this and certainly not so far in advance. Is your DP even arsed about going?

@DollyDoneMore I fully agree - but I've never been in this position before as I've been living with my OH for so long, we have always been invited as a couple to all the other weddings/family events.

so save the date and if the invitation is without a plus one, politely decline?

Pinkdelight3

I do agree but it's less about the practical aspects (I don't mind sitting on a train for 4 hrs etc) but the financial. We are massively in debt and it's going to be hard for me to fund the train, accommodation, gifts etc in addition to the 4 other weddings we already have for 2021.

I imagine when the real invites come out you’ll both be invited. Just wait and see. I agree, it would be very odd if it was just you.

With brefugee

I wouldn't worry until the actual invite comes through the post.

Weddings cost a fortune. You don't know how much they can't afford. Be flattered you've received a save the date.

As previous posters have said, wait for the invite. If it comes and there's no plus one, accept they're not made of money, politely decline and send them a nice card come the wedding.

"we have always been invited as a couple to all the other weddings/family events."

Won't it be nice to have a solo adventure for once? I love my DH to bits, but would be well up for this and he'd be fine to stay home. Do you never go away without him?

We are massively in debt and it's going to be hard for me to fund the train, accommodation, gifts etc in addition to the 4 other weddings we already have for 2021

Don't go then - its going to be very expensive.
And dont go to the other ones - you need an outfit for each one (possibly could re use) , a gift, £50? ish? transport

seriously - why would you go and put yourself in more debt??

Weird not to invite your partner IMO.

I think that maybe some people don't understand how to actually write an invitation.

The invitation should be addressed to all in that household who are invited. So Mr and Mrs Smith, Amy and Ben. That means that the DC are welcome too. However if the invitation read Mr and Mrs Smith - then Amy and Ben will be staying at home alone. Unless the person writing the invitation doesn't understand this.

However this is a Save the Date so maybe the etiquette is not the same.

It would be a bit shitty however for your friend to NOT invite your partner as he is long term.

I would just wait and see what the invitation says when it arrives.

Do you have verbal conversations with this friend? If so surely this kind of thing would crop up - it would be easier to work out exactly what is likely to happen.

You don't have to do anything until you receive the invitation - wait and see whether it includes your partner. If it doesn't, you can decline if you don't want to go alone.

sounds like you can't afford it either way? or prioritise best friend over other 2021 weddings.

All Save the dates i have had haven;t said who is invited, just posted to me and then OH is on the formal invite.

I think I'm going to hope it's admin error and wait for the formal invite.

I really want to be there when they get married and will just have to start my own sinking fund now if the invite is only for me.

@Smiliestar87 oh okay well if you can't afford to go then don't. But driving from Lancs to Dover and back would cost as much in petrol plus extra expenses for your DP so I don't see how it's any cheaper to go together.