Feeling guilty and selfish over shopping

[ClapForCats]

I am elderly and live in sheltered housing. I have some health conditions which mean Covid 19 would be risky for me.

In our village, a group has been set up where people volunteer to get our shopping. I am very grateful for this.

My volunteer sent me a message on Facebook and asked what I needed, so I thanked her and gave her a list (about ten items).

Then she sent another message saying she felt I was asking for too much, and that she could only go once a week.

I was terribly upset by this. The woman who organised things also sent me a message asking me only to use the service once a week, and as an emergency.

Now I feel really guilty and selfish, and I will just go to the shops myself, I think.

What items did you ask for? Ten items isn't that much really, unless they were all heavy ones which are difficult to manage.

I'm struggling to understand what people are thinking is going to happen when they offer to help those in need.

It was eggs, bread, butter, tomatoes, cheese, bacon, biscuits, potatoes and a cabbage.

Is that unreasonable? Why offer if you don't want to do it?

Um. No. That’s really not unreasonable!

Oh, and milk.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable, although you might not be able to get the cabbage at the moment depending on the shop used.

What did they think people were going to ask for? That sounds like a very small list!

No cats that’s not too much. I never post, but it’s really upsetting to read your post ! I hope you can pop to the supermarket when it’s not too busy and wear a mask or scarf.

Well she could have got that in one trip.

Weirdos.

Oh clap for cats, I'm sorry this has happened. I don't think you have requested anything excessive. Perhaps they have others to shop but it should have been made clear what number of items was acceptable. It's not like you've asked for wine and chocolates and other frivolities. Please don't feel bad. Please don't go out. Maybe you could message her to clarify the situation?

I didn't think it was unreasonable either. I have prepped for this quite well, I think.

I get loads of fresh meat from a Tesco delivery every ten weeks or so. So I do not need meat. Although there are no slots at the moment, needless to say.

Don’t feel bag at all that’s ridiculous they’ve made you feel bad for using a support service they’ve offered

These are basic things, nothing fancy. Especially if they only want you to use the service weekly. Hopefully you can get someone else to shop for you.

Post on the group page to complain

I just sent her a message and asked her not to go.

We only have one village shop. It wouldn't be the end of the world if there wasn't a cabbage!

Eventually I was allocated another volunteer who went and got my stuff.

I really do appreciate younger, busy people doing things like this.

When I was younger I think I would have volunteered for this. I was a nurse for forty years.

I’d be happy to get you that. I got more for my next door neighbours when they were isolating due to one having a temperature.

I'm very sorry this happened to you. You are in no way unreasonable and every item in your list is an acceptable request. I really hope someone else can give you a hand x

You have NOTHING to feel bad about!

The volunteer sounds like maybe they overcommitted or something. You did nothing wrong, they just took it out on you.

I am glad another volunteer was able to go and get your things.

I’ve been shopping for people in my area and that list is nothing! I’m trying to get everything I’m asked for.

I think some people want to feel helpful and involved but don't actually realise what this means. They probably thought they'd pick up a pint of milk every other week and get covered in glory and gratitude.

Any possibility there's been crossed wires somewhere? Because I've picked up more than that for perfectly healthy friends to save them a journey, let alone for someone that shouldn't shop.

I've been reading a lot of threads on here, where volunteers are having trouble with old ladies (being demanding and refusing to pay, and not understanding that volunteers cannot put themselves at risk or go to multiple shops) and I was so sad.

I do not think I have been troublesome. And I paid the woman who did go for me by bank transfer - and she said it was so much easier than trying to cope with cash, or getting cash out for the people they were shopping for. (As many elderly people do not use internet banking.)

I’m shopping for SIL and family, their list has about 60 different items Of specific brands and multiples of the some items, you aren’t been unreasonable.

My gods no you weren't being unreasonable. What you asked for there is absolutely okay.

I think some people want to feel helpful and involved but don't actually realise what this means. They probably thought they'd pick up a pint of milk every other week and get covered in glory and gratitude

Twerk that sounds about right. Maybe she had just had a row with her DH, or her DC were playing up.

NickNacky can you come and do my shopping?