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Original poster

Feeling guilty and selfish over shopping

143 replies

ClapForCats · 05/04/2020 21:17

I am elderly and live in sheltered housing. I have some health conditions which mean Covid 19 would be risky for me.

In our village, a group has been set up where people volunteer to get our shopping. I am very grateful for this.

My volunteer sent me a message on Facebook and asked what I needed, so I thanked her and gave her a list (about ten items).

Then she sent another message saying she felt I was asking for too much, and that she could only go once a week.

I was terribly upset by this. The woman who organised things also sent me a message asking me only to use the service once a week, and as an emergency.

Now I feel really guilty and selfish, and I will just go to the shops myself, I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClapForCats · 05/04/2020 23:20

You've all cheered me up.

I am also going to stay up till midnight and see if I can get a Tesco slot. I didn't know they released the slots then.

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 05/04/2020 23:24

Try not to fret any more. Classic case of it's not you... Sorry you've had the bad luck of a useless 'volunteer'. Don't go out yourself.

LuluJakey that's hilarious. The devil is in the detail...

EL8888 · 05/04/2020 23:27

I don’t think you were unreasonable at all. That’s not many items and they appear to be straightforward to get. Sorry to hear you were left feeling guilty

Love your username by the way!

Monmonga · 05/04/2020 23:27

I think they thought I would be asking every couple of days as my list was short?

Yes, that was my exact thought when I read your list. This sounds like an unfortunate misunderstanding, maybe the volunteer had some unreasonable requests and thought that yours was a list for just 2-3 days worth of shopping. Very sorry this has happened to you, but please don't jump to the conclusion that volunteers are lazy people, I am sure the vast majority are well meaning and hard working people.

Hope all works out at the end! 🤞

LuluJakey1 · 05/04/2020 23:29

Yes, it was the 'fat' garlic and the 'healthy' basil that made me laugh.

lozster · 05/04/2020 23:29

@clapforcats I’m so sad for you. What a horrible experience. I’ve watched a group in my village blitz the area with jolly fliers and wondered exactly how they planned to manage if actually asked to do anything.

You have nothing to feel guilty about. I did log on though to say that Morrisons boxes are supplied by Morrisons but delivered by dhl so can be ordered anywhere. Delivery is not limited to where stores deliver. They are not great but they are ok. Smile

HuggedTheRedwoods · 05/04/2020 23:29

I agree the posts about some volunteers doing it for virtue signalling - have colleagues who have just done this, signed up to help but then grumbling when actually asked to do something.

Have you had a look at those Morrisons food boxes too? There's a thread on here in recent days with decent reviews on the whole. www.morrisons.com/food-boxes/boxes

Original poster
ClapForCats · 05/04/2020 23:30

Oh Monmonga I really don't think that all volunteers are lazy people at all.

I was just bewildered when she sent me a message, asking for a list, then seemed to be completely horrified by it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ClapForCats · 05/04/2020 23:32

Ah - thanks for the message about Morrisons' boxes. I shall investigate.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 05/04/2020 23:33

She resented 10 items once a week?
I volunteer with elderly ppl and I think some of the shopping lists are great, last time we had bad snow I called one of my ladies and said I’d pop round if she wrote a list and to ask her neighbours in the flats, got there expecting teabags, biscuits, oh no ciggies, alcohol and nice cakes!
And why not? If you’re stuck inside you mighta a well indulge yourself 🤣🤣

lozster · 05/04/2020 23:38

Maybedoctor your points about the volunteer and not knowing their circumstances and limitations is correct. My view is that it would be better for them not to volunteer at all as they leave people thinking they have an option then let them down. If the OP knew that there was no volunteer help of any substance then she might have been able to make other arrangements. I have a vulnerable relative and a young child to look after so didn’t entertain adding my name to the leaflets going round a few weeks back though others tried to include me. Others, are less realistic about what they can do and think offering any help is better then nothing. I disagree. If a system can’t cope and causes upset, better it were not there at all.

MadameMeursault · 05/04/2020 23:41

Oh bless you OP, you’ve been saddled with a right bitch as a volunteer, that’s awful. You definitely shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m shopping for 2 people on my estate and told them to give me a list for every Monday and odd items if they need them in between, and was surprised when they only wanted about 15 items each. Your items aren’t enough to last you the week. I don’t know why some people bother volunteering. To make others think they’re good I suppose. Sorry this is happening to you.

Allusernamesalreadyused · 05/04/2020 23:41

Agree with Twerkforteachers. Some people do things just for the glory. Your list was not at all unreasonable. Horrible way for a 'volunteer' to act. That would be a perfectly normal list where I volunteer. Don't worry about it, you were just unlucky that you got 'one of those types'. Mind yourself

MadameMeursault · 05/04/2020 23:42

Btw you were hilarious on the clap for kids thread 😂

duckme · 05/04/2020 23:44

It sounds like they signed up to volunteer so they could feel good about themselves but when it came down to it, couldn't be bothered.

Malvinaa81 · 05/04/2020 23:44

Don't take it too hard.

The "volunteer" was some do-gooder who when faced with an actual shopping list couldn't be bothered.

These volunteers are sometimes not in for you, but for themselves.

It's almost another inverted form of Little Hitlers.

If you'd have put a small packet of porridge and some denture fixative, then they could have patronised you accordingly.

BreconBeBuggered · 05/04/2020 23:45

What on earth is the point of volunteering to shop for someone in isolation if you then tell them you'll only pick up the odd thing 'in an emergency'? It's actually worse than useless. You think you have a solution to a problem, then find the rug pulled out from under your feet.

eaglejulesk · 05/04/2020 23:45

For goodness sake, that list most certainly is not excessive!! I get groceries for my Dad and would consider that quite normal - and I have to walk with his. Did they expect you to last a whole week on a couple of items? You are only supposed to use the service in an emergency - are you supposed to starve the rest of the time?

I'm pleased they found someone else to shop for you, but from the attitude of the organiser I think they should find someone better. I'm so angry on your behalf.

Duck90 · 05/04/2020 23:48

lulu
I don’t see the problem with the list.
So she asked for one medium onion? It reduces waste, buy exactly what is needed.

People asking for help don’t need their shopping lists ridiculed on line.

SoleBizzz · 05/04/2020 23:48

I'd be happy to get you as much stuff as you wanted. That volunteer is either too weak to carry ten items or a selfish weird cow.

sparrowhouse · 05/04/2020 23:56

I haven't read through the whole thread, mainly just the first page, that's awful, you hardly asked for anything at all! And shocked that they would even say so!
I think as others have said the person possibly volunteered but didn't really understand implications of volunteering.
I have two young kids and wanted to help in some way myself, telephone calling for example but realistically thought no one is going to be able to have a conversation whilst I'm also having to shout at the kids to behave/be quiet/referee..etc!
Hope things have worked out and you've got some delivery spots. Take care xxx

Fromthebirdsnest · 06/04/2020 00:03

Of course your not being unreasonable sorry you've been made to feel you are.! I'm on the 12 week shielding and have 3 children & husband , I have 2 helpers and my lists are much longer and they always ask if there's anything else and if I'm sure I don't need this and that etc , I 'll be buying huge bunches of flowers after this for them they are lovely .. I'm so sorry that's not been your experience maybe ask for someone else ?.x

VaukaPinvhin · 06/04/2020 00:04

I hope you feel better now OP. There’s not one post thinking you were unreasonable in what you put on the list. It’s entirely reasonable and if there’s only one shop it’s not like volunteer is going to be traipsing from place to place to get everything. This says a lot about the volunteer in question and nothing about you.

Tiredtiredtired100 · 06/04/2020 00:12

@ClapForCats YADNBU, what a horrid response. I’d suggest you call sainsburys helpline for the elderly and vulnerable (you’ll probably be put on hold for over an hour or more) and they’ll put you on priority for a delivery slot if you’re elderly and have health conditions. I did this for my gran and she got a delivery slot for two days later. The whole family were so relieved she didn’t have to leave and go shopping as she really shouldn’t. If you can’t do this make sure you go to the supermarket during the elderly and vulnerable hour that most have organised (you’ll have to look it up for your specific shop).

Original poster
ClapForCats · 06/04/2020 00:18

SPLENDID NEWS COMRADES

Acting on advice on this thread I was ready and waiting on the Tesco website when the slots were released.

YES. I got one.

Thanks to all of you for support and suggestions.

Now...…..when are we organising Clap For Cats again?

OP posts: