To not understand why he doesn't want me to meet her?

[Shortbreadaddict]

Ex met his girlfriend a year ago, and moved in with her 6-7 months later. He normally picks/drops the kids off, but for the past 2 week I’ve dropped the kids off. He lives 10 mins away, so we walk to his house. Tbh I offered to drop them off hoping to meet his girlfriend. First time I dropped them off, I got to his house knocked on the door and he asked me why I didn’t call him when I passed x train station. He apparently sent me the message to call once I pass x train station. I just didn’t see it cuz my phone was in my bag. When I got there, I asked if I could say a quick hello to his girlfriend. I’d like to meet her. I didn’t want to come in, just say hi at the door. He said she wasn’t home. Ok

Fast forward til yesterday, I dropped them off again. I called him when I passed x train station like he told me to (he lives 2 mins from there) I then see him walk towards us, he just said a quick hi took the kids and walked off. I thought that was weird, he obviously didn’t want me to drop them off at his house.

I sent him a jokey message later saying ‘ thanks for letting me your girlfriend, she’s lovely’ but he didn’t respond.

I’ve asked him a few times if I can meet her, he either changes the subject, makes a joke or doesn’t respond. We got on OK, no problems. I just don’t understand why he’s being so weird about this. It’s not a big deal, just want to say hi and meet the woman my children are around. I’d invite him in if I had a boyfriend and he dropped the kids off.

She doesn’t want to meet you.
What was jokey aout your text? It was passive aggressive and weird.

That is weird. Have you asked your kids about her? Maybe they can shed some light?
I'd also ask the ex face to face why you can't meet her and say you want meet the persin your kids are around. It's a perfectly reasonable request.

Why do you need to meet her?

You are coming across as a bit weird about it

Why haven't you just asked outfit to meet her? You have every right to see who your children are staying with. "I'd like to meet the women who my children are spending so much time with." Ordinarily I'd suggest a coffee but a chat from the door might be as good as you can get these days!

He met her a year ago, and there are children that you, the new woman take and shuffke back and fourth to her?!

So they are babies? How is she ok with you taking her babies? Your relation is a few months?

You sound like fwb and he is either with her or hoping to rekindle things.

Your text was very odd. Why do you want to meet her? She probably doesn’t want to meet you. He doesn’t want you to meet her. And neither of you should be meeting now anyway.

Ugh ignore me sorry my brain is not functioning today.

I want to meet her because my children spend a lot of time there, he takes them to school few times a few and now that the schools are closed they spend a week with him, and a week with me. I never thought it would be this big of a deal, just thought I'd get to meet her if I dropped the kids off. Just quick hello at the door. If things continue like this, I guess I'd never meet her. Isn't that weird?

For those saying they shouldn’t meet fair enough if she wasn’t spending time with ops children but she is. I’d want to meet the Gf of my dds dad and vice versa. I think ops right wanting to meet.

She doesn’t want to meet you.

Why are people thinking it's weird to want to meet the woman spending time with your kids in your absence? It's actually quite neglectful to not be bothered about meeting her. Safeguard your children people!

I don’t get why people are saying you’re weird - she’s spending time with your kids and you need to know who is around them! maybe just explain that is the reason to your ex as he might not of thought of that.

@LellyMcKelly That's too bad. She spends time with OPs children. OP has a right to meet her.

Only on MN would people say you shouldn’t feel the need to meet a woman your DC are spending a large amount of time with.

Op, YANBU but just put your cards on the table. Tell your ex that when lock down is over you would like to meet her. His response will tell you what you need to know.

No more texts like that one you sent though. There was nothing jokey about it. It was actually pretty passive aggressive and a bit childish to be honest.

I empathise though. I’m separated and I’d hate it if my ex had a new partner I’d never met spending time with my DC!

OP doesn't need to meet anyone. If you trust your ex with your children then you need to trust his judgement in the people he has around them.

I think you have every right to meet the person your ex is with and spends lots of time with your dc.

@FTMF30 I honestly don’t believe there’s a woman on here that genuinely would be OK with it. MN has just gone really weird and pretty mean since this lock down.

The problem is you don’t actually have any right to meet her. Although I agree I would want to in your shoes.

She might be nervous of meeting you. He might be nervous of his “two worlds colliding” for some strange reason. Leave it for a bit.

Drop the subject for a couple of months. Drop the “jokey” sarcasm altogether. If you make an issue you will be the one who comes off sounding obsessed.

Maybe a natural opportunity will crop up. They will probably relax over time. As long as the children seem happy and don’t dislike her, try not to worry.

@NoNeedToBeRudeDear I hope you're right. I'm really surprised by a lot of these comments.

She doesn't want to meet you. I didn't want to meet my husbands ex wife. She kept pushing the issue and one day just turned up on the doorstep.

Is there a chance that you know this woman and he doesn't want you to know who she really is?

I understand why you want to meet her and I think he needs to respect it. Even if she doesn't want to meet you she should understand why it's necessary. My partners ex wanted to meet me, and while it was unpleasant I knew it was just one of those things that needed to happen.

I feel like I'm in a parallel universe - surely they are social distancing ? It would be stupid to invite you in right now. Is it even ok for the kids to be moving between houses?

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to meet he. Can you speak to your Ex and say you want to meet her as she's looking after your kids/the kids like her/she seems nice and set up a date to do so rather than just doorstepping her.

Like a PP I did wonder if it's some one you know already.

YANBU. If your children are living (part time) in the same house as this woman of course you should meet her. I would not be comfortable having my children share a house with someone I had never met. If it was a casual girlfriend that wasn't living with your ex, fair enough.

You're definitely not weird, your ex is.

Perfectly normal for you to want to meet her as she is spending time regularly with your children. Just ask your ex straight if you can all meet for coffee in a cafe one drop off. That way it’s on neutral turf and will be quick.