To not understand why he doesn't want me to meet her?

[Shortbreadaddict]

Ex met his girlfriend a year ago, and moved in with her 6-7 months later. He normally picks/drops the kids off, but for the past 2 week I’ve dropped the kids off. He lives 10 mins away, so we walk to his house. Tbh I offered to drop them off hoping to meet his girlfriend. First time I dropped them off, I got to his house knocked on the door and he asked me why I didn’t call him when I passed x train station. He apparently sent me the message to call once I pass x train station. I just didn’t see it cuz my phone was in my bag. When I got there, I asked if I could say a quick hello to his girlfriend. I’d like to meet her. I didn’t want to come in, just say hi at the door. He said she wasn’t home. Ok

Fast forward til yesterday, I dropped them off again. I called him when I passed x train station like he told me to (he lives 2 mins from there) I then see him walk towards us, he just said a quick hi took the kids and walked off. I thought that was weird, he obviously didn’t want me to drop them off at his house.

I sent him a jokey message later saying ‘ thanks for letting me your girlfriend, she’s lovely’ but he didn’t respond.

I’ve asked him a few times if I can meet her, he either changes the subject, makes a joke or doesn’t respond. We got on OK, no problems. I just don’t understand why he’s being so weird about this. It’s not a big deal, just want to say hi and meet the woman my children are around. I’d invite him in if I had a boyfriend and he dropped the kids off.

I might invite her and she can come with him and if she doesn't
Invite her to what?

I will say actually in defense of the OP, that I don't think there's anything wrong with extending an invitation to exes partner. The party is at her house so I don't see a problem with saying something like 'x is welcome to come along too' or whatever.

So long as there's no expectation that she has to come. She may not want to.

But yes, you probably won't be having a birthday party in a month's time unfortunately OP.

If she doesn't want to meet you I guess you'll have to trust him. I don't think yabu to want to meet her but you can't force her to meet.
Personally I wouldn't like this either, there isn't much you can do.
I've never dated anyone with DC pre meeting DP and having our own, I always felt it was complicated. My best friend works Monday to Friday no DC, he works full time too, they collect his DC every Friday until Sunday I actively avoided this when I was single.

To add though im sure it's been said, why are you mixing households during this pandemic.

Yes but saying “Jane is welcome too, of course” is different to extending an invitation, I think.

One is letting ex know that you don’t have a problem with it. The other is issuing your own invitation which I think is weird. But that’s semantics. I don’t necessarily think it would be a terrible thing to do!

^The party is at her house so I don't see a problem with saying something like 'x is welcome to come along too'*
Doubt there will be any parties with invited guests by then, sadly.

I would have insisted on meeting her first!

You can insist all you like but no judge would force that meeting.

Little, I assume you are quoting my comment. I think Op has rights to tell them what she doesn't like, but obviously, it's up to them to decide. I am not disputing that at all.

Doubt there will be any parties with invited guests by then, sadly

Yes, absolutely unfortunately!

Meonekton, then we agree

@EmeraldShamrock, I suggest you start campaigning for a change in the law then, because the right to a private life is enshrined in law.

A parent's right to meet the new partner of the other parent, on the other hand, has no legal standing whatsoever.

She clearly doesn’t want to meet you and that is fine, her choice. I’m unsure why you’re insistent on meeting her tbh, most exes want to stay well clear.

Why would the OP not want to meet a woman who’s spending that much time with her children. I’d be pretty uncomfortable sending my kids without meeting ex’s new partner. First of all, it’s odd he doesn’t want you to meet her. Secondly, it’s just bizarre she wouldn’t want to introduce herself to to you. If it was me I’d want their mother to know they’re with someone safe, etc

quarantine - read the thread please - the answers are all there - we are going round in circles!

This person isn’t a stranger though ... she’s been with her ex for a long time . They live together , their children like her children @14:19sauvignonblancplz They've been living together 7 months together a year, if the partner was a woman it wouldn't be considered quick timing to move a new man in where DC are involved.
I'm sorry if this insults Step parents here but how can the DC be like her DC after 7 months.

It would I mean.

Two reasons:

He doesn't want you to meet her and doesn't want you coming near the house to ensure no accidental meeting happens.

Or she doesn't want to meet you for whatever reason.

Maybe she's had a bad experience meeting an Ex in the past, so is now cautious.

You could straight up ask him why he doesn't want you dropping the kids to his house though...especially if this is a new thing.

My SIL was nervous about meeting DBs ex wife. I think it was her own insecurities about her appearance.

Stalking , not calling etc - Jesus and some of you wonder why the new partner or wife doesn't want to meet you

You could straight up ask him why he doesn't want you dropping the kids to his house though...especially if this is a new thing.

OP said that she started dropping the children to try and get a look at the girlfriend.

Sounds like it’s OP’s behaviour that’s a new thing!

@EmeraldShamrock that poster said the dc like her dc not that they ARE like her dc!

Oh okay my mistake sorry.

Wow, I can't keep up with this thread.

But I will say there are reasons some people don't want to get involved with those who have kids and I assume that's because they know the implications of this.

Someone has quite rightly said we are going round in circles. We all have different opinions and thats ok - we thankfully have nothing to do with each other in real life (I assume).

Some of you are saying OP won't take no for answer. I don't see this at all. She's asked a series of questions in relation to her original post. But it's most of you replying who are getting heated and defensive a out everything. No, OP has no legal right to meet her but it is the right thing to do. I agree OP might be making it awkward but so is the ex - just be a man and bloody say no and they can take it from there. The ducking and diving is silly.

No, OP has no legal right to meet her but it is the right thing to do.

Says who? That’s only your opinion. It has no basis in law or even morality.

It might be nice to meet this woman but she has her own personal right to choose not to meet you, too.

For those saying, "safeguarding" - please consider that the Ex Husband is the trusted father of the children and can make that decision. Or, does he ask for a resume for everyone his children meet that are friends of the OP?

OP - stop trying to force this - you are coming across as obsessed even if you don't mean to. Let it happen at a future birthday party, naturally. Do you send her birthday/Xmas cards from the children? If not, then start to do things like this that show you want to get to know here because of the kids and that you are not a threat to her relationship with your ex.

I think you'll find that soon you'll be having separate events.

Wedding will be fine. It's not that I have anything against the lady, and I assume vice versa, so we can both have a lovely day I hope!

When I got married I had a casual pub dinner the eve before with about 20 people so both my parents and their partners could get a brief chance to exchange hellos if they wanted so it wasn't awkward on the day and I didn't have a top table so that I could seat the two couples with other family they'd enjoy sitting with. It was perfect.

I also want to clarify, I'm not going to invite a lot of people to DS birthday party next month. It's just a small party at home, with my three children and their dad. And I might extend the invitation to his girlfriend, but these are people that my children spend half of the time with anyway.