Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws “will definitely still be visiting us” in July.

147 replies

whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 16:28

Just that really, we live quite far away from both sides of family. obviously we miss them all lots, especially atm. My folks were due down next weekend and again in June but have said due to the current situation neither visit is likely to go ahead.

In-laws are due to visit in July, they have hired a cottage through a holiday company and at the moment as it stands the company has said that booking taking after May will still be going ahead.

We have isolated correctly, kids haven’t been out of the door, (we actually took them out of school the week before the school closures came) thankfully we have a lot of outdoor space, husband is a key worker but has been taking every precaution he can and is also working from home as much as possible, he is also the only one that has been out for essentials wearing gloves, changing when he comes in etc.

Talking to MIL on the phone last night and she’s has made of quite clear that unless they shut the borders of their booking gets cancelled they will be coming down. Her logic is that they won’t be visiting any other places rather than us so chances of catching or passing on CV is highly unlikely.

AIBU to be quietly fucking fuming that she thinks that this is her sole decision to make. FIL is a driver and still working, they still see other family members, one of which who also still works with all 4 adults nipping out to shops etc...

This is absolutely ludicrous that they still think it’s ok to come here and spend the week with us isn’t it?

OP posts:
HoffiCoffi13 · 02/04/2020 16:31

July is a long way away. I’d just say ‘well we’ll see how things go’ and leave it for now.
We’re booked to go to Spain to see the IL’s in July. Obviously pretty sure it won’t be happening but they’re still clinging on to the hope that we’ll get to go.
Until the time comes no one knows what will be happening.

Escrima · 02/04/2020 16:31

You know YANBU. Make it 'quite clear' back to her that if guidelines are the same she will not be let in.

SarahInAccounts · 02/04/2020 16:33

It's a bit early to be certain about what will happen. Sound a note of caution for now. You can be firm later if necessary.

TheDogsMother · 02/04/2020 16:33

There has been legislation brought in to close holiday accommodation. We're Airbnb hosts and they emailed to say they would be blocking off calendars though I had done it myself before this. I think you will find their booking will be cancelled

IWantT0BreakFree · 02/04/2020 16:34

I think you just have to be very clear and direct right now (or your DH does, really) that you will only be seeing them if YOU feel it is safe to do so and in line with government instructions/advice. I would get your point across now so that they don't complain later that you let them continue to look forward to it etc.

Ultimately it's their decision whether they visit the area and stay at the cottage, but they can't force your door down. If it's not safe to see them then you don't have to.

SansaSnark · 02/04/2020 16:34

July is a long way off, so I wouldn't start a fight now. If the rules are still the same, their booking will be cancelled, so it becomes a non-issue.

If they do come, but you don't feel safe having them in, then that's a bridge to cross when you come to it, but I don't think there is any point in starting an argument now!

pussycatinboots · 02/04/2020 16:36

Well, as FIL is a driver, he'll be able to drive them both straight back home when they turn up and you refuse to let them in, won't he?
Good luck OP, I think you need Gin

ButteryPuffin · 02/04/2020 16:36

Yes, I would just keep making fuzzy noises at least until the middle of May. No need to deal with it yet.

canigooutyet · 02/04/2020 16:38

She has said if things change she won’t come.
She’s not staying with your for a week, she’s staying at a cottage.
I’m hoping by July lockdown will be lifted for those on 12 weeks tbh. The mass lock down could be lifted in a weeks time. No one knows for certain.

saraclara · 02/04/2020 16:40

Absolutely no point in ranting now. Calm down. She's probably just trying to keep a light at the end of the tunnel. We're all dealing with this in different ways.

Simply say 'well we'll see how it's looking closer to the time, and decide between us then what the best thing is to do'

Bobbiepin · 02/04/2020 16:40

Agree with PP who say hold off for now but if its still not over I'd be locking the door and not opening it. Let them know before they leave. If they wanna travel and not rebook for another time they don't need to put you and your kids at risk.

Escrima · 02/04/2020 16:40

But OP wouldn't be starting the argument, MIL has initiated it by saying she "will" be coming without even considering OP's wishes. I think it would be worse to string her along without even floating that it might be a hard no!

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/04/2020 16:41

I wouldn’t fume. People need things to look forward to at the moment and she’s clearly holding on to the idea of seeing you all. Just be vague and say you’ll all have to see what happens over the next few months.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 16:42

I have done just that and have been saying we will just need to see but she is absolutely indignant that anything will stop them and it’s riling me that she is can’t see why we might be a bit cautious with them visiting, if things are still as they stand.

Just go clarify, I get on fine with in-laws, normal annoyances (I’m sure on both sides) but DC adore them as they do back and we enjoy having them down.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 02/04/2020 16:44

July is a really really long time away and people need things to look forward to in order to mentally get through this.

Absolutely no need to engage until much much closer to the time and assess then

canigooutyet · 02/04/2020 16:45

And honestly you have more chances of getting it from your dh than his parents. He’s there breathing the same air as all of you. He’s working nhs and despite working at home as much as possible, he’s still going into the brunt of it.

Really they should be the ones wanting to distance themselves from you.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 16:46

@canigooutyet

He isn’t NHS.

OP posts:
x2boys · 02/04/2020 16:46

Well none us know how this is going to pan out yet ,and im still hoping we can go on our holiday to Scotland August but who knows .

Redcrayons · 02/04/2020 16:48

Who knows what next week is going to be like, never mind July.

Social distancing rules might be relaxed by then and you might glad to see them or they might not be and they’ll stay away.

Quartz2208 · 02/04/2020 16:49

At the moment no one knows with July so even though in many ways YANBU the fact is we are 3 months away from that and no one knows exactly what the situation will be in that time. No one is looking much beyond April/May at the moment because it is a very rapidly changing situation that it is unclear what it going to be about in July at all

At the moment nothing is likely to happen until mid June but at that point depending on where we are things could start to be lifted.

Bear in mind if we are still in lockdown it will be cancelled and at the moment it is presumably still giving her hope that she might be able to come and visit.

Who knows what July will look like please dont start a fight over this

MaryShelley1818 · 02/04/2020 16:53

It's completely possible they may be able to visit in July.....that's THREE months away. Pointless arguing about it now.

Sonichu · 02/04/2020 16:54

Just nod and agree. I wouldn't waste time and energy arguing with her over something THREE MONTHS away.

sandragreen · 02/04/2020 16:54

I think YAB a bit U in that they aren't staying at yours. They are staying in a cottage, yes?

So it's not really your business. If there are restrictions in place when they are on holiday near you, you may have to make it clear they cannot visit you, but as PP have said, it's a long way off. I wouldn't worry about it now.

Windyatthebeach · 02/04/2020 16:54

Let her waste her cash...
She sounds very entitled...

Qgardens · 02/04/2020 16:56

When and if they do come down, make it clear that they will not be visiting you so I'd they choose to still come down, you won't be available. But as you say, you can kick that conversation down the kerb for a while.