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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws “will definitely still be visiting us” in July.

147 replies

whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 16:28

Just that really, we live quite far away from both sides of family. obviously we miss them all lots, especially atm. My folks were due down next weekend and again in June but have said due to the current situation neither visit is likely to go ahead.

In-laws are due to visit in July, they have hired a cottage through a holiday company and at the moment as it stands the company has said that booking taking after May will still be going ahead.

We have isolated correctly, kids haven’t been out of the door, (we actually took them out of school the week before the school closures came) thankfully we have a lot of outdoor space, husband is a key worker but has been taking every precaution he can and is also working from home as much as possible, he is also the only one that has been out for essentials wearing gloves, changing when he comes in etc.

Talking to MIL on the phone last night and she’s has made of quite clear that unless they shut the borders of their booking gets cancelled they will be coming down. Her logic is that they won’t be visiting any other places rather than us so chances of catching or passing on CV is highly unlikely.

AIBU to be quietly fucking fuming that she thinks that this is her sole decision to make. FIL is a driver and still working, they still see other family members, one of which who also still works with all 4 adults nipping out to shops etc...

This is absolutely ludicrous that they still think it’s ok to come here and spend the week with us isn’t it?

OP posts:
RoyalBankOfFuckThis · 02/04/2020 17:28

"if the same precautions are in place then I'm afraid we won't be able to see you as we are self isolating but if the cottages are still allowing bookings I'm sure you'll still have a lovely time without our company"

TheFuckingDogs · 02/04/2020 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:31

TheFuckingDogs

You sound delightful. Shock

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 02/04/2020 17:31

Keep just saying ‘wait and see’ either to them or in your head, because really, what else can you do? We just saw the world change drastically in a very short space of time, and right now, July is a long way away.

I don’t think I’d force the point to make sure you’re on the same page, it could be that the thought of coming to visit her family in two months time is helping your mil get through just now. It might just be a coping thing, and in the back of her mind, she knows it’s not really guaranteed.

There’s nothing to gain from hearing her acknowledge that the trip might not happen, it’s too far beyond the control of either of you at this point. Do your best to let it go over your head, it’s not your problem if she loses money on the booking.

TheFuckingDogs · 02/04/2020 17:32

And this is from someone who closed their business before the majority of the country had even got a grip on this shit storm and firmly abides by the rules etc but this is not about Corona, it’s about you and your meanness to MIL!

TheFuckingDogs · 02/04/2020 17:33

Why thank you 😀 I really 😊

TheFuckingDogs · 02/04/2020 17:35

Am**

bitchonthepitch · 02/04/2020 17:38

I think I'd be telling them now that if all this is still going on then you won't be seeing them. They are being very irreponsible to consider it at the moment.

We had a holiday booked for October and the holiday company have just written to tell us they are refunding our money as they are not expecting to be able to honour booking, June is too soon I think.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:38

@RoyalBankOfFuckThis

See I just don’t get it, I think that’s a horrible thing to say and would never to either my parents or in-laws...

I just want us all to be on the same page as no one knows what’s going to be happening over the next few months and everyone’s anxiety and comfort levels with how much contact they want with people is different...

A simple “we’d love to hopefully still come down and see you”

Opposed to “Well we will definitely coming regardless what anyone says”

OP posts:
londonrach · 02/04/2020 17:39

July a long time away..wait and see. If like now no way...but peak is easter...who knows.

HoffiCoffi13 · 02/04/2020 17:40

3 months ago we barely knew this virus existed. It’s a fast moving situation with constantly changing goalposts.
Wait and see.

1forsorrow · 02/04/2020 17:41

OP if restrictions are lifted will you be happy to see them? If so I don't think there is any issue either the restrictions are lifted and they come or the restrictions aren't lifted and they can't come.

If you are so cautious that you think you might not be happy to see them even if the restrictions are lifted then I think you are probably being over anxious. We will all have to get back to normal at some stage and there will probably still be some risk but much lower than now. We can't stay in lockdown forever.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 02/04/2020 17:44

I'd just say that July is quite a while away yet and that you'll have to wait and see and that it depends on what the Government's rules are at that time.

You need her to understand that you aren't going to break rules, irrespective of how she feels about rule breaking. It is absolutely not her sole decision to make anyway, whether the CV situation still exists or not. I would be saying that, as it is my home, I'll issue any invitations thank you.

Nekoness · 02/04/2020 17:45

I would text or email her (because she “won’t remember” you saying it) and tell her.... Of course if she wants to go on a holiday to a cottage near you that’s her choice alone.

But if wants to visit with your family, then that is a mutual decision. You will not be making that decision until much closer to proposed date, given what’s going on.

If she wants to take a risk, it’s hers alone as you’re not agreeing to any visits at this point in time.

Quartz2208 · 02/04/2020 17:46

OP you said she said this

she’s has made of quite clear that unless they shut the borders of their booking gets cancelled they will be coming down.

That isnt not coming down regardless. If there are still issues her booking will be cancelled

What borders though are you in different countries?

shinyredbus · 02/04/2020 17:46

July is months away. We have a flight in mid July and until the time comes to cancel - we won’t make any decisions.

Knittingnanny · 02/04/2020 17:48

I would just keep repeating we will what happens. I don’t think for one minute they will be able to come! I was planning to visit my grandchildren in USA in July and those in Singapore in August, I am under no illusion that it will be happening.
Try not to worry, you parents with young children at home at the moment have enough to be thinking about.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 02/04/2020 17:50

YABU I suspect If these were your parents you wouldn't mind so much.....only thing MN hates more than men is In laws 🤣

If we are still in lockdown and social distancing hasn't finished by July we are all fucked

onanothertrain · 02/04/2020 17:50

YABU. Its months away, they're not staying with you and it's your DH parents.
I wondered how long it would be before the SIL and MIL bashing resumed on here.

HoffiCoffi13 · 02/04/2020 17:53

If we are still in lockdown and social distancing hasn't finished by July we are all fucked

The economy certainly will be irreparable.

Laiste · 02/04/2020 17:56

The fact they are staying in a holiday cottage has saved this situation for you. If at that stage restrictions are lifted enough that the holiday company are allowed to go ahead with honoring their bookings then i would assume you're all going to have been out of tight lock down yourselves for a couple of weeks.

I don't blame you for being a bit twitchy about it though OP. No one wants to be TOLD who's going to be visiting at some point in the future while still right in the middle (or indeed only at the beginning) of being on high alert.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:58

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

Did you read my OP my parents are meant to be coming down next week (obviously definitely not happening) and in July and we have discussed that possibly won’t be happening either depending on what the guidelines are and how we are feeling at the time.

I’m treating them no differently to my in-laws.

OP posts:
Pinkypink · 02/04/2020 17:58

I totally get that the worry you feel that someone could endanger or infect your family and is trying to override your control of the safe environment you have tried to make.
It would make me anxious also.
But you've given your opinion. Stay silent till much nearer the time and restate it very firmly if you still have concerns.

Original poster
whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 17:59

@Quartz2208

Yes.

OP posts:
Pishposhpashy · 02/04/2020 18:03

It's ages away, why waste time on it now? Wait and see how things are looking then.

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