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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In-laws “will definitely still be visiting us” in July.

147 replies

whodunit3 · 02/04/2020 16:28

Just that really, we live quite far away from both sides of family. obviously we miss them all lots, especially atm. My folks were due down next weekend and again in June but have said due to the current situation neither visit is likely to go ahead.

In-laws are due to visit in July, they have hired a cottage through a holiday company and at the moment as it stands the company has said that booking taking after May will still be going ahead.

We have isolated correctly, kids haven’t been out of the door, (we actually took them out of school the week before the school closures came) thankfully we have a lot of outdoor space, husband is a key worker but has been taking every precaution he can and is also working from home as much as possible, he is also the only one that has been out for essentials wearing gloves, changing when he comes in etc.

Talking to MIL on the phone last night and she’s has made of quite clear that unless they shut the borders of their booking gets cancelled they will be coming down. Her logic is that they won’t be visiting any other places rather than us so chances of catching or passing on CV is highly unlikely.

AIBU to be quietly fucking fuming that she thinks that this is her sole decision to make. FIL is a driver and still working, they still see other family members, one of which who also still works with all 4 adults nipping out to shops etc...

This is absolutely ludicrous that they still think it’s ok to come here and spend the week with us isn’t it?

OP posts:

MtnGal2025 · 03/04/2020 21:38

You are so wrong. It is totally her business if these 'caring' relatives announce they're still coming to visit in the middle of this mess, adding to her stress. Okay, they're staying in a holiday cottage, great. Are there plenty of things they like to do in her area, without the benefit of her family's company? Fine, keep the res. Let or make hubby tell his parents he'll be glad to see them after this virus ceases to be a threat to his children and his wife. That is reasonable. In-laws obviously not experts and sound pretty blase about infecting their own grandchildren. Unreasonable.
Putting even one foot down may help in the long run with this behavior.

Tell them you'll will be guided by the NHS experts and her own physicians advice. Yes, July is a long time off. They should get a refund. Or even ask when it would be convenient for him.

LouH1981 · 03/04/2020 22:27

I would feel exactly the same especially when you have been so careful up to now. You don’t want all your efforts to go up the wall just because they clearly don’t understand the gravity of it all.
I think you’ll find that the booking will be cancelled and they’ll have no choice but to stay put.

niugboo · 04/04/2020 08:28

It’s July. Don’t worry about it. Places aren’t cancelling that far in advance as at present there’s no reason to. If the current situation is extended then they will cancel it. I’m not sure why you’re forcing it now. It’s July not tomorrow.

niugboo · 04/04/2020 08:29

@MtnGal2025 cancelling a holiday for July isn’t following the advice of NHS experts. Current advice is in place until Easter when they will review.

Lucytwosie · 04/04/2020 09:20

Look at how much people's lives have changed in the last few weeks, July is a long way off yet. Try not to borrow tomorrow's problem and waste your time worrying about them today. Who knows what the situation will be by then.

HoffiCoffi13 · 04/04/2020 09:27

Tell them you'll will be guided by the NHS experts and her own physicians advice

There is currently no advice in place for July. The current measures will be reviewed a week on Monday and likely extended for another (initial) 3 weeks.
July is still a long way off.

Bitofeverything · 04/04/2020 09:31

I’m looking forward to something in July, and even though I know it probably won’t happen, I am enjoying thinking about. Let her think about enjoying it, and then cancel if you have to?

penisbeakers · 04/04/2020 09:42

People missing the point as usual.

It wouldn't matter if it wasn't a visit arranged six months from now, she needs to learn to listen and accept NO when she is told no.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 04/04/2020 09:44

@MtnGal2025 - if the PIL cancel now, they are highly unlikely to get their money back as the government advice doesn't stretch to the summer. Most people with holidays booked for July are doing the same thing, assuming they are going unless told otherwise.

No point having an argument now if the government will do it for you and the cottage booking will be cancelled. Then you can just be sympathetic with them about their cancellation and agree to them rebooking for next July.

I'm a firm believer in only picking fights with family if you really have to. By July, either it'll be fine for them to travel or it won't and their booking will be cancelled without them having to do anything. Let it be that silly Boris Johnson's fault they dont get to see the grandkids, not yours OP.

MamanetNanna · 04/04/2020 09:55

This virus is not something where anyone can just decide to ‘flout’ the rules! We have to do as we are told, for once, and stay at home, however hard it may be. If in-laws want do do otherwise, my advice would be to say ‘I’m sorry, but our family is staying safe”. I live in France, and am missing my grandchildren terribly, but wouldn’t dream of risking their, or my, health in any way.

Alsohuman · 04/04/2020 10:01

she needs to learn to listen and accept NO when she is told no

Which? OP or Mil? Listening and accepting no works both ways.

SoftSheen · 04/04/2020 10:01

It's only the beginning of April, and too early to either make or cancel plans for July. Reassess at the beginning of June.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 04/04/2020 10:04

I would wait and see. It’s quite possible that by that time one or both of the families will have had it. So may make the whole thing moot. Round here it’s absolutely rife. Maybe hasn’t spread to the rest of the country so much yet.

saraclara · 04/04/2020 10:47

It wouldn't matter if it wasn't a visit arranged six months from now, she needs to learn to listen and accept NO when she is told no.

Good grief. And good luck when your kids are adults, because if they're going to treat you like a toddler too, you're going to hate it.

Alsohuman · 04/04/2020 10:48

saraclara 🤣

Blanca87 · 04/04/2020 11:31

I get it op. The Edinburgh Festival has been cancelled in August so your concerns are totally valid. Also, the schools up here are most likely going to be closed until after the summer holidays. We should all be preparing for the long haul with this. The messaging from the First Minister’s and CMO daily briefing has emphasised this over and over again.

HoffiCoffi13 · 04/04/2020 12:10

We know we’re in it for the long haul. We know the virus isn’t going away any time soon. We know there is going to be a level of restriction on what we do for the foreseeable future. What we don’t know is what the restrictions will be 3 months from now. There’s a difference between 3 million people gathering at Edinburgh festival and having grandparents to visit.
Cross the bridge when you come to it.

SharonasCorona · 04/04/2020 12:17

It’s never cool to invite yourself. Ask if you can visit, by all means, but don’t tell someone you’ll be visiting them.

NearlyGranny · 04/04/2020 12:52

YANBU and you don't have to listen to her indignation. If restrictions are still in place in July, you may have to re-open the discussion and lock the front door, but don't meet your troubles halfway. People's true colours start to show in a crisis and you are learning things you didn't know about your PiL!

Make sure they learn a few things about you, too, when the moment comes, like how you follow government instructions, protect your family and are not susceptible to bullying!

bemusedmoose · 05/04/2020 09:37

Tell them no way! I know July is a way off but lets face it - the government have failed miserably to act in time and this means lockdown will last way longer than we expect. I've written school off til September to be honest, maybe even longer.

They are being completely selfish and irresponsible. My mum doesn't even live 10 mins away but she has been in self isolation and me and the kids have also be in isolation as we all have symptoms. I haven't seen her in weeks and she lives alone. Yes I would love to see her and she is missing the kids like mad but im not risking her health for a visit.

I would tell them that absolutely no way are they coming in your house or visiting your family. They might not be responsible but you are so stick to your guns and put your foot down. Also don't let them do the sneaky thing of deciding to stay at your house when the cottage gets cancelled!

saraclara · 05/04/2020 10:14

There are some really horrible posts here.

MIL is dealing with this in her own way, which is to be fiercely optimistic. Her saying this now doesn't mean that she'll actually do this when it comes to it. There is absolutely no reason to be nasty to her at this point. This isn't an imminent threat to the family. It's months away, and we've all seen things change by the day (and our attitudes and responses to the virus changing.

OP loves her inlaws, so it seems that there's not a history of them being irrational or selfish. So why ruin the relationship over something three months in the future, which we can't predict at all?

The number of posters here who think it's okay to treat parents and PILs like naughty children at the first sign of disagreement, is really depressing. Have some empathy FFS. It'll be you one day.

Fluffybutter · 05/04/2020 10:44

If it’s still going on it’ll be cancelled anyway so let her crack on

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